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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They're in a whatsapp group without me

127 replies

Rosenborg · 26/09/2021 14:28

This isn't an AIBU as such, more a What Would You Do?

I was at my sister's house earlier and she showed me something on her phone from a whatsapp group. When I glanced at the name of the chat and the people in it at the top I realised it contained the members of my family (the ones who have a phone) apart from me and my family (me, husband and child).

So that's 2 sisters, 2 brothers, a sister in law, a brother in law, niece, nephew and my mother in a group.

Back story - I don't speak to my older sister and she very much rules the roost in the family.

I left her house feeling quite down and left out (I have spoken to my mother about this before but she says I am oversensitive.)

WWYD in this situation?

OP posts:
GrimDamnFanjo · 26/09/2021 14:36

Ignore the fuckers.

Original poster
Rosenborg · 26/09/2021 14:37

All of them? Won't they ask why?

OP posts:
IglesiasPiggl · 26/09/2021 14:38

Ask to be added.

ThreeLittleDots · 26/09/2021 14:38

Your sister showed you that on purpose to be cruel? Or let you know what was going on?

SandAndSea · 26/09/2021 14:40

'Over-sensitive' - the classic response in this sort of situation.

MinesAPintOfTea · 26/09/2021 14:41

Make your own family WhatsApp group as an exciting new idea. Bombard it with photos of your DC so it’s always at the top of their lists.

CoffeeTopUp · 26/09/2021 14:42

Don’t you have a family WhatsApp group with your sister and other relatives that you speak to (minus your older sister who you have said you don’t speak to)? Perhaps your older sister set it up. I understand how this might be upsetting but, in the wider context of your lack of contact with your older sister, it’s not that strange. She probably set it up.You’re not unreasonable to be upset, if course. The situation with your older sister seems upsetting in itself.

Eralos · 26/09/2021 14:42

Seems really odd…

StripeyBadger · 26/09/2021 14:42

Was it likely to have been set up by the sister you don’t speak to?

BlueSussex · 26/09/2021 14:45

I am not clear - do you mean they have a group including and possibly set up by the sister you are NC with?

If so, why are you surprised not to be in it? You don't speak to her so why would you be in the group chat? Confused

WorraLiberty · 26/09/2021 14:48

Who started the Whatsapp group?

If it was the sister you're NC with, of course she's not going to invite you.

What have you spoken to your mother about before? I'm sorry, that's not very clear.

FlorenceWintle · 26/09/2021 14:52

If you don’t speak to the older sister abs presuming she set it up, it seems reasonable to leave you out. Would you have added her if you were setting one up? Do you have one with your mum and other sister?

sonjadog · 26/09/2021 14:53

If you don't speak to your older sister, then surely it isn't odd that you haven't added you to a group with her?

icedcoffees · 26/09/2021 14:55

Do you really want to be in a WhatsApp group with your older sister if you don't speak to each other?

You can't really expect your family to choose. They're allowed to talk to your older sister even if you don't.

noprofessional · 26/09/2021 14:57

Why would you be in it if you're not in contact with your other sister? I wouldn't even want to be in it.

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 26/09/2021 14:58

Wwyd?
I'd set my own WhatsApp group chat up but leave out the bossy NC Dsis

NewlyGranny · 26/09/2021 14:59

What's odd is the whole of the rest of the family agreeing to be in a group that pointedly excludes OP, I think!

I'd find that incredibly hurtful. And I'd start a new group and put ALL of them in, including the NC sister, and tell everyone you might not always get on but you wouldn't dream of leaving anyone out. Then keep that new group buzzing with photos and news!

NewlyGranny · 26/09/2021 15:00

In other words, get yourself outline planning permission all over the moral high ground, OP. 😉

CheeseCrackersAndChutney · 26/09/2021 15:00

It’s clearly just the older sister wanting to be in contact with the others. I wouldn’t worry about it

Holskey · 26/09/2021 15:03

Seems its because you don't speak to ds. Set up your own. If they leave your group, then you can be offended.

BurntO · 26/09/2021 15:03

You should have just said “there’s a family WhatsApp group chat and I’m not in it?? Can we be added please”. Just send a message now.

HeddaGarbled · 26/09/2021 15:06

As PPs have said, it’s because of the sister you don’t speak to. Don’t do anything, certainly don’t start a rival group. You can communicate with the people you want to communicate with on your own terms. Think of it as being independent.

twoandeights · 26/09/2021 15:07

How hurtful

WomanStanleyWoman · 26/09/2021 15:08

Why would you be in a WhatsApp group with someone to whom you don’t talk? Set up one of your own without her in it - job done.

Or is it that you think the rest of the family should have sided with you and cut her out?

Bounce55 · 26/09/2021 15:09

Let them crack on with it
I honestly wouldn't want to be included in something as an afterthought
Also less chance of friction with your Sister