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AIBU?

They're in a whatsapp group without me

127 replies

Rosenborg · 26/09/2021 14:28

This isn't an AIBU as such, more a What Would You Do?

I was at my sister's house earlier and she showed me something on her phone from a whatsapp group. When I glanced at the name of the chat and the people in it at the top I realised it contained the members of my family (the ones who have a phone) apart from me and my family (me, husband and child).

So that's 2 sisters, 2 brothers, a sister in law, a brother in law, niece, nephew and my mother in a group.

Back story - I don't speak to my older sister and she very much rules the roost in the family.

I left her house feeling quite down and left out (I have spoken to my mother about this before but she says I am oversensitive.)

WWYD in this situation?

OP posts:

Report

QueenBee52 · 27/09/2021 03:18

It probably wasn’t done to upset or exclude you specifically.

🤣😂 suuuuuuure

SpiderinaWingMirror · 27/09/2021 04:12

Well.
Set up a duplicate WhatsApp group but without the sister.

QueenBee52 · 27/09/2021 05:14

@SpiderinaWingMirror

Well.
Set up a duplicate WhatsApp group but without the sister.

oh please do this 😂🤣

Frannibananni · 27/09/2021 05:22

If you are NC with a sibling you can’t really complain that you aren’t part of the family WhatsApp group. Sorry it’s upsetting you. She probably started the group.

QueenBee52 · 27/09/2021 05:28

@Frannibananni

If you are NC with a sibling you can’t really complain that you aren’t part of the family WhatsApp group. Sorry it’s upsetting you. She probably started the group.

NC with ONE person .. means her entire family are also supposed to ignore her !? BEHAVE 😳

HarebrightCedarmoon · 27/09/2021 05:28

Meh, I've got one for just DDs without DH, as sometimes I just want to tell them both something at once that DH already knows or is not relevant to him.

Suitcaseseverywhere · 27/09/2021 05:33

I’m sorry but I don’t understand what the issue is? You’re NC with your sister, so why would you be in that group?

My dad doesn’t talk to me. He’s in a WhatsApp group with my brother and his wife and nieces. I’m not in it. Why would I want to be? That’s not a door I want to open.

TortillaBonita · 27/09/2021 06:50

My MIL set up a Whatsapp with all family members in it, except me...because according to her I am not family. Then she complained that she hasn't got any photos of my DC to upload onto it to show off to everyone.

And she complains that I am

TortillaBonita · 27/09/2021 06:51

not very nice because I don't include HER in things.

moofolk · 27/09/2021 06:55

After reading the OP all I have is questions.

Why didn't you say something to your sister at the time?!?!

Why aren't you speaking to your other sister?

Could both being in the family chat group help bring you together?

Why don't you just ask someone about it?

moofolk · 27/09/2021 06:56

@TortillaBonita your MIL sounds fun.

Way to want to have it both ways!

2Rebecca · 27/09/2021 08:14

I suppose as a parent I wouldn't be in a WhatsApp group deliberately excluding 1 person. I'd ask that child to have a group including me and a group including the sibling they do talk to. The Op's parents maybe haven't thought through the implication. The sibs should have though. I probably would mention this to my parents as it probably means they think theyve told everyone news when you haven't been included

WomanStanleyWoman · 27/09/2021 09:27

NC with ONE person .. means her entire family are also supposed to ignore her !? BEHAVE 😳

Don’t be ridiculous. They’re NOT ignoring her. If they were, how would the OP know about the group? She knows about it because she was at her sister’s house and sister showed OP something on her phone. Why is she at the home of someone who ignores her?

It’s ONE WhatsApp group. It’s a natural consequence of two of the siblings not talking. OP should be glad that, rather than trying to force a reconciliation, the rest of the family is respecting her decision. You can’t refuse to talk to someone and then complain you’re not included in group conversations with that person.

LukeEvansWife · 27/09/2021 09:30

If you are NC with your sister, why would she want to be in the same WhatsApp?

And if you are being excluded, it is possible that other family members think you are unreasonable

LukeEvansWife · 27/09/2021 09:32

If you were setting up a WhatsApp for family, you wouldn't include someone you were NC with. You can't have it both ways to

tickledtiger · 27/09/2021 09:38

@QueenBee52

It probably wasn’t done to upset or exclude you specifically.

🤣😂 suuuuuuure

I said that because two of my family members don’t talk to each other. When I made the family WhatsApp I added one of them twice, and she left twice, before I realised it’s not a mistake she just won’t even be in the same WhatsApp group as this other person. I didn’t make another group with her in it excluding the other person because that would force ME to exclude the other person to and I’m not going to do that.

If you don’t talk to someone in your family, your family will probably still have meet ups but only featuring one of you at a time. It’s not excluding you to be malicious it’s just everyone else getting on with it as best they can.

Suitcaseseverywhere · 27/09/2021 09:40

I would leave if my brother added me to a WhatsApp with my dad 🤷🏼‍♀️

Rosenborg · 27/09/2021 22:06

@WomanStanleyWoman

NC with ONE person .. means her entire family are also supposed to ignore her !? BEHAVE 😳

Don’t be ridiculous. They’re NOT ignoring her. If they were, how would the OP know about the group? She knows about it because she was at her sister’s house and sister showed OP something on her phone. Why is she at the home of someone who ignores her?

It’s ONE WhatsApp group. It’s a natural consequence of two of the siblings not talking. OP should be glad that, rather than trying to force a reconciliation, the rest of the family is respecting her decision. You can’t refuse to talk to someone and then complain you’re not included in group conversations with that person.

I was at my sisters house - the one who I speak to.
I have two sisters.

OP posts:

WomanStanleyWoman · 27/09/2021 23:09

I know you were at your sister’s house; that’s my point. @QueenBee52 suggested your family are ‘ignoring’ you. I pointed out that that can’t be the case; otherwise you wouldn’t have been there.

QueenBee52 · 27/09/2021 23:35

I was actually responding to someone else too... but its been lost in translation as these things often are when being quoted and re-quoted over and over... but hey ho

WomanStanleyWoman · 27/09/2021 23:39

It doesn’t matter who you were responding to - you were saying the OP’s family were ignoring her by having a WhatsApp group that didn’t include her.

Tircongal · 28/09/2021 00:17

Have had a similar experience with siblings a few years ago. My advice is simple...... let them crack on. It's important to remember that your own family is what truly matters and WhatsApp groups with siblings are secondary to that. I wouldn't start my own group chat. I would rise above the whole thing and see how it works out because l would be confident that over time, the others will take offence at posts, squabble and make passive aggressive remarks at each other, eventually resulting in some even leaving the group. You are best to avoid, especially if you are already on bad terms with your sister.

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Mycatisthebest · 28/09/2021 00:46

That’s hurtful. Can understand why you are upset

QueenBee52 · 28/09/2021 00:53

@WomanStanleyWoman

It doesn’t matter who you were responding to - you were saying the OP’s family were ignoring her by having a WhatsApp group that didn’t include her.

I was actually responding to someone else too... but its been lost in translation as these things often are when being quoted and re-quoted over and over... but hey ho

QueenBee52 · 28/09/2021 00:54

@WomanStanleyWoman

It doesn’t matter who you were responding to - you were saying the OP’s family were ignoring her by having a WhatsApp group that didn’t include her.

I was actually responding to someone else too... but its been lost in translation as these things often are when being quoted and re-quoted over and over... but hey ho

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