They're in a whatsapp group without me

[Rosenborg]

This isn't an AIBU as such, more a What Would You Do?

I was at my sister's house earlier and she showed me something on her phone from a whatsapp group. When I glanced at the name of the chat and the people in it at the top I realised it contained the members of my family (the ones who have a phone) apart from me and my family (me, husband and child).

So that's 2 sisters, 2 brothers, a sister in law, a brother in law, niece, nephew and my mother in a group.

Back story - I don't speak to my older sister and she very much rules the roost in the family.

I left her house feeling quite down and left out (I have spoken to my mother about this before but she says I am oversensitive.)

WWYD in this situation?

[CatOutOfHell]

@Memyselfandketchup

“You have to tap to find out members in a group if more than 3”

It’s a character limit, so it depends on the length of names. I can see six of the names from my family WhatsApp group as we all have short nicknames.

[LateDecemberBackInLowB12]

You're no contact with a member of your family. You have to accept that sometimes that means you miss out on stuff like being in an annoying WhatsApp group that probably goes off every 2 seconds because someone is posting a photo of their lunch or whatever.

Its not a personal slight towards you, its just what happens.

I would just forget about it.

[Barwell76]

The same thing happened to me. My Bil set one up with him and his wife, my dh, his sister, her husband, my FIL and the nephews who were old enough to have phones.
I found out when I was keeping an eye on my sons phone.
No falling out that that I am aware of though im not super close to BIL. Had a massive row with dh about it, took him a while to understand why I was so upset.

[PatchworkElmer]

You’re not in the group because you’re NC with your sister. The rest of the family clearly want a relationship with her. Set up your own group if you’d like to, but I don’t think your family have done anything wrong here.

[letsmakethishappen]

I’d love this as I hate whatsup groups

[HalzTangz]

I bet it 2as the sister you don't get on with who created the group. Did you say anything to your sister whose phone you were looking at?

[Rosenborg]

Thank you all for your comments. I have read through them and have decided to do nothing.

For the people asking, I don't have a family group that excludes my sister with everyone in it apart from her and her children.

I accept it could've been set up for an event that I wasn't included in because of being NC with my sister and just carried on from there.

[maddening]

Create a WhatsApp group that includes everyone Inc sister that you don't speak and your dps, call it family chat, if needed you could say it is to provide somewhere that everyone can chat in the run up to Christmas as you're all so busy.

[Rosenborg]

@letsmakethishappen

I’d love this as I hate whatsup groups

There's always one 🙄😂

[ChaoBella]

Fucking hate group chats with a passion. Are you annoyed because you got left out or think you might be missing important information?

[mrsm43s]

I understand why you feel excluded.

However, do you always include your NC sister in the communications and events that you have with your family? Is she always invited to family gatherings you host etc? I guess not, since you are NC.

This is just the same. One form of communication where you are not included.

YOU are NC with your sister. The rest of the family are not. They have a relationship with you and a relationship with your sister. Because of your choice to be non contact, these two family groups do not overlap, so your "family group" excludes her, and her "family group" excludes you. The rest of the family are members of both "family groups".

Your family are simply not taking sides. They have a relationship with both you, and your NC sister.

You can't expect the rest of your family to cut off your sister, just because you have chosen to.

[Viviennemary]

If you don't speak to your sister you won't be in her chat group. I certainly wouldn't ask to be added to it.

[Conniethesensible]

Maybe it’s a surprise party! 🥰

[Chickenkatsu]

Be glad, you can now emigrate to Australia without feeling guilty that you're leaving them behind.

[FedNlanders]

This happened to us (and is ongoing) i just completely ignore them now.

[Rosenborg]

@Conniethesensible

Maybe it’s a surprise party! 🥰

It won't be, believe me.

[chimpandzee]

i have two sisters who are NC with each other. One of them is also NC with other family members including her own son. The 2 who are NC with each other are my younger half sisters. We have multiple family Whatsapp groups to deal with the fact that they can't be in the same one. Honestly it's exhausting for the rest of us, who aren't caught up in their drama and have to tread on egg shells the whole time to avoid leaving one of them out or upsetting one of them!!! It's difficult for everyone else not just the 2 adults who can't be civil to each other. And the rest of us refuse to take sides or cut off contact with either of them.

[Northernparent68]

@chimpandzee

i have two sisters who are NC with each other. One of them is also NC with other family members including her own son. The 2 who are NC with each other are my younger half sisters. We have multiple family Whatsapp groups to deal with the fact that they can't be in the same one. Honestly it's exhausting for the rest of us, who aren't caught up in their drama and have to tread on egg shells the whole time to avoid leaving one of them out or upsetting one of them!!! It's difficult for everyone else not just the 2 adults who can't be civil to each other. And the rest of us refuse to take sides or cut off contact with either of them.

This.

You’re hurt you’re excluded from the group, maybe she’s hurt you’re nc with her.

[2Rebecca]

Our extended family have several Whatsapp groups. There is one involving the 3 sibs, my dad, my husband and my son. My brothers children were too young and my SIL dislikes social media and just wanted my brother to relay stuff to her. We also have a 3 sibs group and when my dad was moving there were 3 sibs and my dad.
I suggest you set up a group with the members of the family you get on with if you want one

[Crinkle77]

I'd be glad I wasn't included if your sister is such a pain ine butt.

[QueenBee52]

Cutting you out electronically.... would have me cutting them out physically... bunch of horrible fuckers try to call themselves family... screw that..

I'd block them all.. and say Fuck All about it... just as they do...

[MzHz]

@Rosenborg

All of them? Won't they ask why?

What would I do?

Thank my lucky fucking stars I’m not in their group

You know where you are now, adjust accordingly and IF They ask, remind them of the fact that you’re not close enough to them to be considered part of the family, so have backed away and are leaving them to it.

[bellie710]

This happened to my friend, her elderly MIL showed her a picture from a group and said oh you will see it yourself on your phone, she then noticed the whole family except her and DH were in it. She pulled them up about it and all hell broke loose!

[jacks11]

Do you include the sister you are NC with in “family communications”? As you are not in communication with her that seems unlikely. Would you want to be in a chat group that included her? Would that not be breaching your No Contact decision?

Perhaps your family did not want to put you in the awkward position of being seen to try and “force” you to be in communication with your sister (albeit indirect), given the circumstances. What would you have done if they had included you in the group? Would you have stayed and posted (which seems odd, if you are truly NC with your sister) or left? Some people who are NC with someone would have been furious to be included, feeling family were trying to force them to talk, against their wishes, instead of respecting their decision.

I think your family are being placed in an awkward position- include you and risk you being cross for including you in a form of communication with your sister or not include you at the risk of you feeling excluded if you found out.

You could start a family WhatsApp group if you think it would be fun/useful.

[tickledtiger]

What would I do.. either make up with my sister or accept that this is one of the consequences of not being on speaking terms. You’ll miss out on some things.

It probably wasn’t done to upset or exclude you specifically. The group could have been set up by your sister or started for an event she was a main part of. The others probably think it’s not their place to force you into a conversation together or maybe they just don’t want the drama.