My husband's reason for marrying me

[Rose916]

My husband recently said he married me because I have a "number of good qualities" (his words)

I initially felt flattered by this statement but now I'm not sure! (Maybe I would have preferred "because I love you with all my heart")

What would you have thought if your partner had said the reason they're with you is for "your good qualities". Nice thing to say or a little strange? Interested to know if I'm being too sensitive!

In an arranged marriage (between bride and groom, for whatever reason they needed a marriage

Sigh. Just seems so unromantic doesn't it!

Ignore that post, I got so far, lost my train of thought, and not post by accident! Sorry!

Is he usually so formal and unfeeling?

I’d feel devastated if mine said that but that’s not how he talks at all and he said why he wanted to marry a bunch of times so if he back pedalled I’d be upset and suspicious.

to be fair, it's not something you hear on those unbearable and ostentatious radio dedications to loved ones, so I can see why you might not be thrilled

Have you been married long?

Just 2 years!!

He sounds like doc Martin

Mine said ‘because I didn’t want to marry anyone else’

I clarified WTF he meant and he claims to have meant he hadn’t felt that way about anyone before.. which would have been better to hear than what he said. He’s not exactly empathetic at the best of times. Not exactly am I love you sort.. said it once in a hurry whilst taking the bins in and ran away with the bin after. He does massively show his feels by actions though, and does do very kind things for me, and nice gestures.

I wouldn’t read too much into it. I read the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman which really helped me understand how he thinks, and not be offended..!

It sounds genuine and based in reality to me. I would bank on that more than " I love you with all my heart"

Lol if I asked my husband this he'd say something obnoxious like 'because you had great tits" just to get a rise out of me. I kind of think we are better off when we don't know exactly how our men think, tbh.
Maybe just believe something romantic that'll make you happy and going forward don't ask too many questions you're likely to be disappointed by...

I mean, maybe he's just very pragmatic about things. Or not good at flowery words. Ultimately you can love someone desperately and still realise they have shit qualities and are bad for you. I adore DH, but I definitely chose to marry him in part because I love his intelligence, GSOH, family orientation, kind heart, etc, etc.

Good qualities tend to last. Love without good qualities, not always.

Sounds fine to me.

Wouldn’t have me hysterical. Having good qualities that he can see clearly in you is a good reason to marry you and probably why he loves you.

Stop picking apart what he’s saying and look at how he treats you and your kids (if you have any) actions speak louder than words and you answers lie there.

It's the sort of thing my DH would say. He is very unromantic and sort of literal and mathematical about things.

I think that’s a very sensible answer! Part of the reason why I fell in love with my husband is because he has many good qualities. Those qualities include physical attributes I am attracted to, his intelligence, his sense of humour, the way he treats me, etc etc.
Neither of us would use those words but I do understand what your husband said. I don’t think it’s “unfeeling”

@thepinknecklace

Sounds fine to me.

Wouldn’t have me hysterical. Having good qualities that he can see clearly in you is a good reason to marry you and probably why he loves you.

Stop picking apart what he’s saying and look at how he treats you and your kids (if you have any) actions speak louder than words and you answers lie there.

^ this

He maybe could have continued 'and these wonderful qualities made me fall in love with you...'

Pretty sure I've said similar to my dB and I love the very bones of him.

Dh!

It is good OP! You did not ask him to elaborate which qualities?
By the way, it does not mean that he does not love you, far from.
It is not romantic though, it a practical way of seeing it, and if you like romantic, I can see your disappointment.

I just thought why i married my DH. I dunno. I just... Wanted to because... Well as yours put it, good qualities.

Some of us are not into love word as in "I love you" but we just love the person (their qualities and imperfections) if that makes sense?

Apparently I’m the only person who doesn’t irritate him. I was quite pleased with that.

@Annoyedanddissapointed

I just thought why i married my DH. I dunno. I just... Wanted to because... Well as yours put it, good qualities.

Some of us are not into love word as in "I love you" but we just love the person (their qualities and imperfections) if that makes sense?

I hate this attitude. If you love someone, just fucking say so. It’s not difficult.

Mine would say 'because you kept feeding me and have a cracking pair of norks'.

All bollocks, of course.

When I asked XDH in counselling why he married me he looked slightly nonplussed and managed to say “because you had a great figure”. Which pretty much summed up his feelings for me - a blow up doll would have suited him just as well.