Husband not flushing the toilet. AIBU?

[SchoolGossipWoes]

My husband never flushes the (downstairs) toilet at night. This results in a pan-full of very smelly urine in the morning (he usually stays up later than me and does a few wees in there before coming to bed). It's truly disgusting and he won't stop doing it.
I got home from school and grocery run this morning (at around 10am) and as I walked past the downstairs toilet door, the smell hit me. The smell inside was horrific! (not envy)
His reasons for not flushing range from not wanting to wake the children (it doesn't) to just "forgetting".
Please help mumsnetters, AIBU to find this disgusting and if so what can I do to make him stop doing this?

That last sentence makes no sense!
Please help mumsnetters, AIBU to find this disgusting and if NOT what can I do to make him stop doing this?

Yanbu it’s disgusting
I don’t know how you make him behave like a reasonable grown adult though

Even though he knows it really bothers you he still refuses to do a simple thing like flush the bloody toilet? His lack of respect is alarming.

Yes it's disgusting.

Someone I lived with brought this habit from home with them to our shared house, I put a stop to it right away, it's rank. Yanbu this would make me really cross, it's so disrespectful

It’s disgusting, and even more so because he’s an adult.

If it really smells that bad is he dehydrated? We rarely flush wees unless there's a visitor in the house. "If it's yellow let it mellow" etc. Saving water. Don't have a smell issue. And I would never flush overnight, especially in someone else's home. You never know how loud the pipes are going to be!

Jeez, the men of MN keep hitting a new low every day…

He doesn't forget, he's doing it on purpose. He's disgusting and has no respect for you. How is he in other ways, does he do his share of parenting and housework?

We never flush the loo at night. But it's flushed first thing in the morning once everyone is awake. If you've asked him to flush it though then yanbu. Can't you put bleach down it before you go to bed. Then if he forgets it won't smell quite so bad. But tbh. I think he needs to go to the drs if his wee smells so bad!!

Yanbu, it's disgusting. He remembers to flush a shit away so he's actively choosing not to flush.
Tell him to flush for a few nights and see if it wakes the kids.

I would suggest to him he gets checked out medically. That's really not normal for urine sat in the bottom of the toilet to smell that pungent. I sometimes don't flush in the middle of the night if I don't want to wake DH and there's zero odour. On the other hand, in the past when I've had urinary tract infections it has had a bad smell to even fresh urine in the seconds between peeing and flushing.

You obviously can't force a grown man to flush it if he's refusing to, you've done what you can in asking him to, now it's down to him to choose to do it or not. But the health aspect is something I'd raise for his sake.

It's not disgusting, you shouldn't be flushing every time anyway. Have you not heard the mantra "if it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down"? Flushing every time is a massive waste of water.

However, if it is smelling, he is dehydrated and needs to drink a lot more.

@DappledThings

Yes, he rarely drinks enough fluids during the day, so he has really strong wee. I think that combined with it being multiple wees throughout the evening, is why it smells so awful.

(Although DH says it's not that bad and I'm being silly).

When I still lived at with my parents we didn't flush at night, due to v.loud plumbin, and there was never any smell like this! It's just awful.

Just stop doing something that will negatively affect him. Forget to make dinner (only his obv)

Well you could tell him it renders him sexually unattractive.

You could also put up a massive sign saying “flush the fucking toilet you fucker” or something milder.

Yes, he rarely drinks enough fluids during the day, so he has really strong wee. I think that combined with it being multiple wees throughout the evening, is why it smells so awful

I think that is the issue he needs to resolve, rather than the flushing. Why does he drink so little?

plumbing (oh for an edit button!)

People don’t flush for wees in lots of countries, they see it as a waste of water.

I agree with a PP that it should not smell that bad over that length of time, not in the toilet.

But the fact is it does so he should just flush.

@DappledThings

If it really smells that bad is he dehydrated? We rarely flush wees unless there's a visitor in the house. "If it's yellow let it mellow" etc. Saving water. Don't have a smell issue. And I would never flush overnight, especially in someone else's home. You never know how loud the pipes are going to be!

Same here. I rarely flush in the day when I'm home alone. It gets flushed every few uses. We're on a water meter and it's just a waste of water to me! We never have a smell issue either.

He's really awful at self-care unfortunately. It's an on-going issue (with regard to the dehydration issue).

He needs to drink more water - if the stench is risible that's the main issue. Other than that it sounds like you've told him to flush multiple times yet he still ignores you - what can anyone do about it???

For the PP who asked what he is like in other ways... he is great on the whole really.
He does vast majority of cooking, most grocery shopping and food planning, he also does bedtime for DC2 and often the lion's share of the laundry (he works from home whereas I go out to work). He works full time from home, I work three days out of home. I have a toddler at home with me on my days off.

On the negative (aside from the smelly wee)... he is a bit messy around the house, not good at basic things like putting things away or putting rubbish in the bin. He currently has his own bedroom, as he has a severe snoring issue, and his room is just a pit. He takes food up to bed and doesn't tidy up after himself. Dirty laundry on the floor, etc. I have taken to just closing the door to that room and trying to pretend it doesn't exist. But the smelly wee thing can't be ignored, as it's in a room I need to use on a daily basis.
Wouldn't be so bad if he just got up, flushed it and sprayed some air-freshener... but he never does. It's always me!

Whilst it’s not a nice smell, if he put the lid down and closes the door, it should be fine until someone flushes it.

It’s no wonder global warming is accelerating, humans are just ruining the planet. If we all took a few small steps to help then perhaps we wouldn’t be in such a mess.

I consciously try to not waste water unnecessarily and so I don’t always flush the toilet after one wee. There’s no ‘minging smell’ it’s just being mindful of the small things we can all do.

We don't flush wees, unless at other people's houses or we have guests. It's a waste of water.
He needs to drink more so his wee doesn't smell though.