Husband not flushing the toilet. AIBU?

[SchoolGossipWoes]

My husband never flushes the (downstairs) toilet at night. This results in a pan-full of very smelly urine in the morning (he usually stays up later than me and does a few wees in there before coming to bed). It's truly disgusting and he won't stop doing it.
I got home from school and grocery run this morning (at around 10am) and as I walked past the downstairs toilet door, the smell hit me. The smell inside was horrific! (not envy)
His reasons for not flushing range from not wanting to wake the children (it doesn't) to just "forgetting".
Please help mumsnetters, AIBU to find this disgusting and if so what can I do to make him stop doing this?

[CaMePlaitPas]

We don't always flush wees because it's a waste of water, although I do if we have guests (!) It never smells as I close the lid and don't piss on the floor. I agree with posters talking about doing your bit.

I think your husband needs to see a doctor as his wee shouldn't smell like a hot day on the Parisian metro.

[Cryalot2]

Your dh needs to have a sample checked out . Healthy wee doesn't smell and it is common in many places not to flush after a simple wee.
We don't always do it as most family are light sleepers . But recently my wee meant I needed to both flush and spray. It tooka lot of hassle to see a dr and persuade her to send it off for testing. ( 2 days later I apparently have bad infection and required antibiotics. It still hasn't cleared and they are finished) . So your dh sounds as if he needs to get checked out. The weeing more at night would be concerning me more than smell . So try and persuade him to see his gp.

[Couchbettato]

XH used to do this, but with shit as well.

Only at home. Funny how he could remember to flush the loo at someone else's house yet at home he couldn't manage.

It was just one of a few microaggressions that lead up to full on abuse from him. So I've got no advice, other than in future it would be a deal breaker for me

[JacketSpud55]

I can’t get over how many people say they don’t flush the toilet! Between that the infrequent washers and the ones that wear clothes for weeks on end without washing, no wonder so many people stink when out in public these days.

[Otherpeoplesteens]

One of my closest friends won't flush the toilet at night either. It's a throwback to a childhood where it was forbidden due to either noisy plumbing or batshit parents, or both.

He's completely housetrained in every other respect but despite telling him to flush whenever he has stayed over throughout our entire adulthood (we're mid forties now) and particularly during the three months he lived in my spare room he just will not do it. Infuriating, but ultimately not a hill I am personally prepared to die on.

[Battlingongraciously]

Sounds like the disrespectful arsehole I live with!

[Notebooksarefabulous]

Id go out and stay out one day. So it sits there stinking all day and thus becomes his problem when he gets home. At the moment you are dealing with it so hes not bothered as its not his problem.

[LST]

@JacketSpud55

I can’t get over how many people say they don’t flush the toilet! Between that the infrequent washers and the ones that wear clothes for weeks on end without washing, no wonder so many people stink when out in public these days.

Yes because not flushing the toilet makes you smell 🤣

[oldshoeuk]

based on no medical training at all my first worry would be diabetes, but something doesn't seem right if the smell is that bad.

[Ariela]

You could get one of those toilet block things, usually blue, that sit in the cistern, and when you flush fills the loo with dilute blue disinfectant/cleaner . This should take care of much of the issue leaving the loo relatively fresh. even if he pees a few times into it.

[fuckoffImcounting]

We don't flush for wees at home and it does not smell - when you see the news of flood and fire this year you have to be convinced that there is a climate emergency. However, your DH should go to the docs - wee should not be minging.

[Singinghollybob]

Can I ask all those who don't flush wees -do you leave everyone's wees throughout the day and whoever then does a poo will flush? So could be a whole day of a family of 4's wee sitting there before it gets flushed?

[Battlingongraciously]

@Notebooksarefabulous

Id go out and stay out one day. So it sits there stinking all day and thus becomes his problem when he gets home. At the moment you are dealing with it so hes not bothered as its not his problem.

Like this comment, brilliant. Made me laugh.

[DappledThings]

@Singinghollybob

Can I ask all those who don't flush wees -do you leave everyone's wees throughout the day and whoever then does a poo will flush? So could be a whole day of a family of 4's wee sitting there before it gets flushed?

Not a while day, but yes we could all 4 have been and then one person will flush. Not the whole day, depends really, maybe 2-3 wees on average.

[SchoolGossipWoes]

Jeeze, do these minging men have pneumatic cocks or something, because I can see fech all attractive about how they are.

That really made me snort!

TBH he's not hugely attractive to me these days. Which is a bit of a sad state of affairs. Although I have my own issues so I always tell myself that no one is perfect.

[U2HasTheEdge]

I hate going to the toilet and seeing someone else's pee left in it, it is just really unpleasant. Urine left overnight can smell, and you don't need to be dehydrated for it to smell either. It might be OK for a few hours, but after a while it starts to stink in my experience.

I am far from a germaphobe, but it's the one thing that I think is really gross. Thankfully, apart from the very rare occasion everyone in the house flushes after every wee now.

[user1471538283]

He sounds like a teenager! He needs to get on top of his health although sometimes mens wee is a bit strong.

I didn't used to flush in the night when DS was small so I didn't wake him. But I do now.

[Battlingongraciously]

Why should I bother to get rid of the arsehole I'm with just to end up with another potential disrespectful arsehole.

Makes me wonder.

[MrsScrubbithatescleaning]

Neither DH or I flush the toilets at night after a wee. There’s really no need and it wastes water.

Where we live a lot of people are reliant on their own wells for water supplies and they’ve been drying up in recent summers mainly due to the massive increase in water consumption locally, so we try to be mindful of that.

[CentrifugalBumblePuppy]

We follow if the ‘if it’s yellow, let it mellow’ mantra. We all flush for poop & if, when you enter for a wee, there’s a lot of toilet roll already lurking down there, and we don’t want a blockage if half a tonne of bog roll accumulates.

Although mostly, we all poo at different times of the day, so there’s a natural 5 wees & a poo* rhythm to proceedings.

Nothing smells because we’re all well hydrated!

*obviously this is an estimate; I’m not so anal as to log bog usage.

[Myusernameisnotmyusernameno]

I don't flush after about 10.30 as don't want to wake DD and I'd say me and DP do a couple each before going to sleep. I agree with PP's he must have a problem if it smells that bad because I can't ever smell our wee

[ThanksIGotItInMorrisons]

Label it into an empty bottle and tell him he can keep it if he really wants as he never flushes it away. ( a bottle with food dye). Put a sign on the inside of the bathroom door, and the mirror and the fridge and leave post it’s all
Over the place - did you flush/remember to flush. Or sit him down and show him a you tube video of how to flush as he clearly needs help. It’s really nasty not flushing the toilet. I’ve never left my outgoings floating around all night. Bleuch.

[BringMeTea]

I can definitely imagine ending a relationship over this. It is the purposeful lack of respect that would do it. it is also revolting and a huge turn off.

[tickledtiger]

I think put bleach around the bowl last thing at night. That and putting the lid down would make it a lot nicer.

This is the kind of thing I bring up in an “is there anything I can do to make you happier and vice versa” type chat.

[Astella22]

The really grim, I’d look into auto flushers and have it installed without saying a word. I couldn’t face the stench of urine in the morning.