Locked Parking Thread 3(!!!))

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

You guys need to stop filling the thread when nothing is happening!!

In the meantime I had the most amazing nights sleep last night. Absolutely full of food and had an amazing day and frankly this morning I couldn't care if he's there for 6 months

I read this as play with himself and then thought half of MN women would help there

Indeed

Your brother is a legend!

CF is a complete dick.

@Loubilou09

Christ I would never have answered the message until tomorrow morning. Would have made him stew and contact me again. Cheeky cunt

CF would still have turned up at 5 mins after the time he chose regardless

DB reports he's left.

According to DB the tale goes like this.

He sets the scene as follows.

Ita slightly before 5pm. I'm chilling. Alert for any suspicious shenanigans obviously. I'm very much a ninja and a ninja never rests. But I look sleepy. I'm in the garden the cats on my knee.

CF - rings door bell. Hi mate. Here to collect my Ranger.
DB - your what?
CF - My Ranger. It's locked next door.

DB - Ohh. The car! How do you find it offroad.
? Weve always had Defenders. Brill trucks them. Total workhorses and look the dogs bollocks kitted out. Dont know why you'd get anything else.
CF - I don't really use it offroad. It's a beast though. The pulling power if you know what I mean. Laughs.
DB - Laughs. Do I!
CF - Can you let me out? I'm meeting X at half past. Great bloke X. Absolutely lad. Bloody hell some great parties up there.
DB - sorry whose X?
CF - xx. Used to play for x. Top lad.
DB - doesn't ring a bell. I don't really follow football. Must admit sure DSis said you were coming later. Shes out you know?
CF - mutters
DB - I'll go find the keys. Rings me and yells to himself.

DB - back outside. Can't find them mate. Have looked EVERYWHERE. Her phones died now as well so shrug. Guess you'll have come back. Hang on how've you got here?
CF - come back? I can't do later. Told her that. Lifts gone. Why would I think there's a problem getting my Ranger?
DB - well mainly because she said she'd be out ...
CF - silence
DB - silence
CF - silence
DB - silence
CF - can you look again? It's an access road so you must have let people through.

DB - shouts as DS1

DB - back outside. No luck mate. Better hope there's not an emergency hey. Would hate to be the idiot blocking access for that
CF - what we going do?
DB - bloody bollock the pillock who parked your car on a private lane I would mate. Foolish thing to do. Can you imagine. Who did it anyway.
CF - silence.
DB - silence
CF - needed to take the DCs out. There were no spaces. No signage see so didn't know.
DB. Oh. Well you won't do it again now will you. Imagine if FC needed get in.
CF - mutters
DB - anyway mate. Suggest you call your lift back. She'll be ages. At least 7.30pm. Best message before you come back. Some people's time keeping can be quite flaky. Dsis can be like that sometimes. Gets it from our dad. He says he'll be 5 mins but it's clearly a lie. Says 5 mins when he's an hour away. Not me though. I like to be punctual. If I say I'll be 5mins ill be 5 mins. Saves alot of hassle that way. See ya

True

PS sorry for the delay posting some crazed parent decided to talk to me in the corridor asking how we all were

Just tell him you've lost the key. Gate is hardly opened normally, but with all his faffing about you've had the key in and out so often that it's gone missing. Takes a week to order a new one and he'll just have to wait

Your brother is a legend.

@BlueEyesWhiteDragon

DB reports he's left.

According to DB the tale goes like this.

He sets the scene as follows.

Ita slightly before 5pm. I'm chilling. Alert for any suspicious shenanigans obviously. I'm very much a ninja and a ninja never rests. But I look sleepy. I'm in the garden the cats on my knee.

CF - rings door bell. Hi mate. Here to collect my Ranger.
DB - your what?
CF - My Ranger. It's locked next door.

DB - Ohh. The car! How do you find it offroad.
? Weve always had Defenders. Brill trucks them. Total workhorses and look the dogs bollocks kitted out. Dont know why you'd get anything else.
CF - I don't really use it offroad. It's a beast though. The pulling power if you know what I mean. Laughs.
DB - Laughs. Do I!
CF - Can you let me out? I'm meeting X at half past. Great bloke X. Absolutely lad. Bloody hell some great parties up there.
DB - sorry whose X?
CF - xx. Used to play for x. Top lad.
DB - doesn't ring a bell. I don't really follow football. Must admit sure DSis said you were coming later. Shes out you know?
CF - mutters
DB - I'll go find the keys. Rings me and yells to himself.

DB - back outside. Can't find them mate. Have looked EVERYWHERE. Her phones died now as well so shrug. Guess you'll have come back. Hang on how've you got here?
CF - come back? I can't do later. Told her that. Lifts gone. Why would I think there's a problem getting my Ranger?
DB - well mainly because she said she'd be out ...
CF - silence
DB - silence
CF - silence
DB - silence
CF - can you look again? It's an access road so you must have let people through.

DB - shouts as DS1

DB - back outside. No luck mate. Better hope there's not an emergency hey. Would hate to be the idiot blocking access for that
CF - what we going do?
DB - bloody bollock the pillock who parked your car on a private lane I would mate. Foolish thing to do. Can you imagine. Who did it anyway.
CF - silence.
DB - silence
CF - needed to take the DCs out. There were no spaces. No signage see so didn't know.
DB. Oh. Well you won't do it again now will you. Imagine if FC needed get in.
CF - mutters
DB - anyway mate. Suggest you call your lift back. She'll be ages. At least 7.30pm. Best message before you come back. Some people's time keeping can be quite flaky. Dsis can be like that sometimes. Gets it from our dad. He says he'll be 5 mins but it's clearly a lie. Says 5 mins when he's an hour away. Not me though. I like to be punctual. If I say I'll be 5mins ill be 5 mins. Saves alot of hassle that way. See ya

Oh my gif what an absolute legend

I actually have tears of admiration for him

I luffs your db

Oh my god I meant

@BlueEyesWhiteDragon

DB reports he's left.

According to DB the tale goes like this.

He sets the scene as follows.

Ita slightly before 5pm. I'm chilling. Alert for any suspicious shenanigans obviously. I'm very much a ninja and a ninja never rests. But I look sleepy. I'm in the garden the cats on my knee.

CF - rings door bell. Hi mate. Here to collect my Ranger.
DB - your what?
CF - My Ranger. It's locked next door.

DB - Ohh. The car! How do you find it offroad.
? Weve always had Defenders. Brill trucks them. Total workhorses and look the dogs bollocks kitted out. Dont know why you'd get anything else.
CF - I don't really use it offroad. It's a beast though. The pulling power if you know what I mean. Laughs.
DB - Laughs. Do I!
CF - Can you let me out? I'm meeting X at half past. Great bloke X. Absolutely lad. Bloody hell some great parties up there.
DB - sorry whose X?
CF - xx. Used to play for x. Top lad.
DB - doesn't ring a bell. I don't really follow football. Must admit sure DSis said you were coming later. Shes out you know?
CF - mutters
DB - I'll go find the keys. Rings me and yells to himself.

DB - back outside. Can't find them mate. Have looked EVERYWHERE. Her phones died now as well so shrug. Guess you'll have come back. Hang on how've you got here?
CF - come back? I can't do later. Told her that. Lifts gone. Why would I think there's a problem getting my Ranger?
DB - well mainly because she said she'd be out ...
CF - silence
DB - silence
CF - silence
DB - silence
CF - can you look again? It's an access road so you must have let people through.

DB - shouts as DS1

DB - back outside. No luck mate. Better hope there's not an emergency hey. Would hate to be the idiot blocking access for that
CF - what we going do?
DB - bloody bollock the pillock who parked your car on a private lane I would mate. Foolish thing to do. Can you imagine. Who did it anyway.
CF - silence.
DB - silence
CF - needed to take the DCs out. There were no spaces. No signage see so didn't know.
DB. Oh. Well you won't do it again now will you. Imagine if FC needed get in.
CF - mutters
DB - anyway mate. Suggest you call your lift back. She'll be ages. At least 7.30pm. Best message before you come back. Some people's time keeping can be quite flaky. Dsis can be like that sometimes. Gets it from our dad. He says he'll be 5 mins but it's clearly a lie. Says 5 mins when he's an hour away. Not me though. I like to be punctual. If I say I'll be 5mins ill be 5 mins. Saves alot of hassle that way. See ya

Your DB sounds amazing!

Honestly DB needs a medal or something….

If he comes at 7.30, I’d be out and make him
Wait till 8. Pity it’s not heavy rain tonight.

This is the gift that keeps on giving

CF is totally and completely without shame - he’s absolutely crazy.

I know I'm posting and wasting a slot... but how do we stop this thread filling up and #4 being required at 7.30??? I'm not sure I could cope...

Amazing. I love your DB!

I would have an invoice ready for parking charges as soon as he does come back to collect his car. What a CF. Fancy turning up early and thinking you can take the car when you've already been told the person to let you out will be out facepalm

This is the best thread ever!!! I grew up in a farm and we had several encounters with a range of CF over the years. My brother still farms and the entitlement on some people is unreal.
Your DB is a legend!!

Delurking to say that your DB is an absolute legend!

Your brother is a rock star! Well done both! 😀 can't wait for the update!

This is fabulous! The bloke is an arse. “Pulling power”, bet his willy shrinks if ever he finds put thousands of women (and men but for willy shrinking purposes in this scenario, women are better) have been laughing at him.

I think we need clues as to who celeb X is too for sake of completeness. Also did he really say his car has pulling power ... when he was using it to go cycling with his kids

Yes that's pretty good - like how he made out it couldn't possibly be the CF that parked there seeing he was so unembarrassed about it.

'A ninja never rests'

'What WE going to do?' WE? Seriously? he takes zero responsibility for this the prat.