Locked Parking Thread 3(!!!))

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

You guys need to stop filling the thread when nothing is happening!!

In the meantime I had the most amazing nights sleep last night. Absolutely full of food and had an amazing day and frankly this morning I couldn't care if he's there for 6 months

You're handling this so well, OP. Bemusement and patience are the best ways in things like this. You've still got an access point, FC and Police are aware, Emergency Services can get through if needed and, as long as the vehicle isn't damaged, right is fully on your side.

I am glad that the welfare of the Army of Teds has been considered. Plucky heroes, all.

What's on the menu for today?

If it was me it would 💯 be in the pit hole… but then, the sensible part of me wouldn’t want this to end up in a war/repercussions.

How do you even tow a car without releasing the handbrake to enable it to be rolled up on to the truck? Is it possible? It must cause a lot of damage. Would you not be looking at needing a crane to just lift it straight off the ground (and then off at the other end into a dirty old skip )?

Excellent. Leave the CF to stew.

Get it towed by the FC. Eventually, you'll need access for deliveries and it'll be a pain if he's still there. Make sure someone films the towing so you have evidence that it was the FC and not you.

I think I'm in love with your DB @BlueEyesWhiteDragon Is he straight and single?

I'm chuckling at all these references to logging. Very appropriate with the FC involved. Their interpretation of logging would appear to be different from the police version. (See anecdote in previous thread)

Absolutely to the photo shoot!

In that case I agree you should get it towed so it's out of your way. Maybe then post on facebook that there's an abandoned car at a particular location, hopefully potential joyriders will find it and take it away/torch it for you.

Advertise the Party Play Truck locally? "Bring the kids for a fun climb all over the old abandoned truck - dress for muddy conditions and good grip on your boots so you don't slip off when jumping on the roof!"

The link @CallmeHendricks posted is hilarious and surely, all these idiot car parker knobs must be related or from the same village?

Won’t someone think of his poor children???

I’d start logging every bit of unusual activity with the police including the last two. May turn out to be a valuable move. He really thinks he is above the law at this point and could do anything.

I've been lurking but now have to come on to say how I just love your DB - would you care to swap him for mine?

@BlueEyesWhiteDragon

Spoke to my friendly neighbourhood FC ranger. They aren't planning on being up this neck of the woods (pun intended) any time soon. Hes happy get it towed out the way if I want and it may or may not end up in the large pothole on the other side of the road.

Pros - moves it, it might get damaged as it's on the road.
Cons - he can just shift it, any damage could be claimed on FC insurance.

He says if it's left as it is and emergency services do need get through they'll just ram / bump it out the way and then tell him claim on their insurance because obviously in an emergency they don't have time faff about hunting for an owner.

Hes also recommended reporting it to the council. It's unlikely they'll class it as abandoned right now as its taxed, MOTd etc and in good working order but if it doesn't move at least they already aware and can start the notice period.

Currently I'm unbothered and petty enough to leave it at it is because it's not in the way. I'm not even annoyed anymore just slightly bemused.

DB has not replaced the toy army because he doesn't feel they should be penalised by being left out in all weather guarding the car. He is now proposing a photo shoot of him in his boxers draped over the car. He will then develop the film and sellotape them all over the car. He may or may not have asked his mates for suggestions which is why they getting more ridiculous.

Getting it towed is just giving in….that would be a perfect outcome for soppy balls - he gets to continue his shitty behavior and can slope back to reclaim his car without having to knock on your door, be gracious and apologise …… you don’t want to deny him that self development opportunity - can only benefit his DCs, DW, co-workers etc if he learned some manners.

@Mountainpika

Photoshoot - draped over the vehicle - starkers but with strategically placed Yorkshire puddings.

This!! Then dispense with boxers and get your brilliant DB to give his bare arse and balls a good old rub on the car door handle too.

Who's going to play OP's DB in the inevitable biopic that such a quirky, fascinating gent must surely call for? I'm thinking maybe Bill Nighy? What will it be called? "Army Of The Pudding Ranger"?!

Get the FC to tow it out of the way, no doubt about it.

Regarding the how they do it for other posters, I would expect it will be lifted up using a huge tractor with loading arms and strips underneath and then moved (precariously, swinging all the time) to probably the car park opposite.

Oh no - the OPs brother sounds too young and handsome to have Bill Nighy playing him!

This!! Then dispense with boxers and get your brilliant DB to give his bare arse and balls a good old rub on the car door handle too.

Not just the doors, but all over the top too. Especially with the after-effects of all of those carveries. 'Skiddlers On The Roof'

Amusing as this is and as amusing as some suggestions I would be careful because you've posted on FB and I don't think for one minute this twatknob won't try and claim against you for some imaginary damage.

Also agree about reporting suspicious activity to the police.

I'd report it all as suspicious - even him abandoning the car in the first place when told to move it because gates are shutting

Crazy that this is still going on, you & DB have been a star OP!

Oh no - the OPs brother sounds too young and handsome to have Bill Nighy playing him!

Yes, that was my concern too. Which dashingly quirky younger actors might be better for the job?

You said there has been previous issues with dogging. Put on FB you think this car has been used by doggers, he’ll be there in a flash if he thinks other men’s willies have been rubbed over his car!

Inform the police about last night's drive by and get the Forestry to tow it. Stops it being your problem and he can deal with the consequences.

Once the forestry have shifted it, if you are feeling generous, you can just post "sorted" on FB without further explanation. CF no doubt would materialise very quickly to shift it once he found it.

The guys at the Forestry could then post a pic of his car with a lecture to the public about not blocking their access routes. This would be far more shaming to Mr Micropenis than anything you might post.

I’ve followed both threads
I love the fact your not bothered by it all but I’d get the FC to tow away in the pot hole, but I’m petty that way.

I’d also phone the police for the late night cars scoping out your property well the car that is. As I think they came with bolt cutters.

If he damages anything report with his license number and press charges as he damn well deserves it.

It is worth contacting the police again and updating your original report.