Locked Parking Thread 3(!!!))

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

You guys need to stop filling the thread when nothing is happening!!

In the meantime I had the most amazing nights sleep last night. Absolutely full of food and had an amazing day and frankly this morning I couldn't care if he's there for 6 months

@Billybagpuss

It is worth contacting the police again and updating your original report.

I agree with this. Tell them you suspect it has actually be abandoned.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Oh no - the OPs brother sounds too young and handsome to have Bill Nighy playing him!

Yes, that was my concern too. Which dashingly quirky younger actors might be better for the job?

OP mentioned that he will be returning to Scotland.
David Tennant. With full-on cheeky twinkle and the teds all in Tartan.

Might have to factor-in a haggis-element to the carvery strand. But, really, Tennant by himself (with possibly one token ted) would do.

Come one, OP, it's time to 'fess up: this whole 'scenario' was just invented to find your brother a date, wasn't it!?

Ben whishaw for DB ! 😎

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Who's going to play OP's DB in the inevitable biopic that such a quirky, fascinating gent must surely call for? I'm thinking maybe Bill Nighy? What will it be called? "Army Of The Pudding Ranger"?!

Personally I've been picturing him as a moustachioed Jude Law!

I can't believe this is still rumbling on ... @BlueEyesWhiteDragon you are a trooper to be keeping us updated 3 days in, thank goodness goodness carvery fuel! I'd be tempted to buy a cheap watch for the CF when he comes back as his definition of 5minutes is clearly different to yours!

With the update of the randoms loitering for the last couple of nights, I would be reporting it to the local police. Since you informed them of the situation on day one I would call them back and just let them know that since you called on Saturday, the car still hasn't been collected but on both Sat/Sun there have been people loitering in the vicinity of your property. It might be unrelated but just in case it is the CF and/or his mates trying to figure out a way to break in to get the car instead of swallowing his pride and knocking on your door you wanted to report it as part of an ongoing concern. The police are very unlikely to do anything bit if your property was damaged by the CF then at least you have the records of the reporting in your favour.

He says if it's left as it is and emergency services do need get through they'll just ram / bump it out the way and then tell him claim on their insurance because obviously in an emergency they don't have time faff about hunting for an owner.

Since it isn't currently inconveniencing you, I would do as the FC ranger says and leave it where it is.

That way he still has to come and knock to be released and if the emergency services need access they can move it. If they have to do that then they won't be careful about it and if he tries to claim on his insurance then there is a good chance that he would be unsuccessful in getting a payout since he was parked illegally blocking an emergency access route and it was only damaged by official vehicles trying to access the route in an emergency. Especially if you were to provide said emergency service with the evidence that it has been there for X days, the owner was aware they weren't allowed to park there and has been given multiple opportunities to move it.

@Mountainpika

Photoshoot - draped over the vehicle - starkers but with strategically placed Yorkshire puddings.

There's a calendar in this, I reckon. DB draped over That Vehicle & other farm equipment, hay bales, etc.

"We're going to need considerably bigger Yorkshire puddings!".

Definitely a Scottish actor…David Tennent would be a very strong contender, or maybe Ewan Macgregor? He plays the cheeky minx very well.

I also think you should get the FC to tow it away. ASAP. This individual obviously has, late at night, had his goon friends, (likely named Gaz, Johnno and Big Kev) to scope out the scene to get his 'over compensating for something' truck out without him actually having to apologise or even politely ask a mere woman to let his truck out. If it stays any longer I fear they might be more than happy to drag your vehicle out of the way (this causing damage) and to cut the chain on the gate. All things which you would have to fork out to put right. Even if you can prove who does it, it'll still cost you.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Oh no - the OPs brother sounds too young and handsome to have Bill Nighy playing him!

Yes, that was my concern too. Which dashingly quirky younger actors might be better for the job?

I see him more as a Miles Jupp. Cute in a homely way.

The movie about this saga could be named ( with a nod to Jane Austin) CF Man's field park.

I see him more as a Miles Jupp. Cute in a homely way.

Yes!

I see him more as a Miles Jupp. Cute in a homely way

No - too English. Cheeky Scotsman required for this role as DB lives there. My money’s on David Tennent or Ewan Macgregor.

Could the CF not realised the gate belongs to the house? So doesn't know to knock on.

Could you leave a note on the gate asking him to knock on and you will open the gate to let him out in exchange for a Toby carvery gift card for your troubles?

David Tennant would be excellent, but I also like the suggestion of Miles Jupp. Don't forget, Miles can do an absolutely spot-on authentic Scottish accent, as he did in Balamory.....!!

Can anyone link to the first two threads? I need s good read.

Would it be worth posting that it needs to be removed or the FC will tow it as it's blocking an emergency route

James McAvoy, surely, for the brother?!

So just to summarise, as I really am supposed to be working, is this still a game of “who blinks first”?

Yes, but unbeknownst to CF he's playing with the FC, not the OP.

OMG OP. I can't believe you posted that pothole picture! I have found it on Google Earth and now I know exactly where to find you and have alerted the Daily Mail - expect a knock shortly. That'll teach you to be such an attention-seeker!

@Popetthetreehugger

Ben whishaw for DB ! 😎

But Ben Whishaw is from Bedfordshire...

I found them by advanced search: BlueEyesWhiteDragon as poster, AIBU for the board, then scrolling down to "To lock the jackass in (parking thread)" followed by "Locked parking thread 2". But I don't know how to link to them!

Chain Jane - the gate has to be locked (insurance reasons). The 'leave all your doors/gates unlocked in the countryside' days of Enid Blyton are gone! Rural crime is a serious matter now that farm machinery/electronics etc. are so expensive.

+it looks as if he and mates did come round last night to attempt to break the car out. They failed because the OP's truck was also blocking the locked gate.

@HaveringWavering

OMG OP. I can't believe you posted that pothole picture! I have found it on Google Earth and now I know exactly where to find you and have alerted the Daily Mail - expect a knock shortly. That'll teach you to be such an attention-seeker!

That's really not funny.