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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be hopping mad and upset for DS?

152 replies

robotcollision · 21/07/2021 18:15

Sorry this is long but I am so angry and upset on his behalf and have nowhere to vent.

DS2 (19 yrs old) has never had life easy. He has a very visible physical disability and an invisible one (HFA) which have given him more than his fair share of medical and social problems since birth. He had a truly awful first year at uni due to extreme isolation during Covid and some bullying.

The one thing that worked out for him was that he studied really hard and as a result got offered an exchange scholarship to a US uni for this coming year. The US uni was supposed to release a form to him in March that he needed before he was allowed to apply for his visa. He asked and asked for it. It was eventually released last week. He immediately spent 12 hours completing it and returned it to them.
They sent it back to him this week and he finally was able to apply for a visa. The visa interview date came through and it is two days too late for the cut off entry to his first semester at the US uni. (Term starts on Aug 19th. The latest day they will accept him is 3rd September. The visa interview means he can't possibly get to USA before 5th September at the earliest. We have phoned the Embassy - they can't and won't expedite it. The uni's delay in releasing the form effectively means they have jeopardised his entire study abroad year.

He now has no US uni, no one to share with at his UK uni as the friends he eventually made when he returned in the summer term have already got sorted for houses and his only option is to get an emergency accommodation back in the block where he was locked up alone and descending into severe depression last year.

I am so sad for him and so frustrated that there is nothing we can do to change the dates. And I am so so tired of him constantly putting such effort in to everything he does, from friendships to academic study, just to be perpetually knocked back.

Don't suppose any MNer has magical influence at US Embassy in London? Grin If not, this is just a vent at the ongoing injustice in his life. I feel like nature didn't give him the best start and he deserves a break at some point.

OP posts:
Shelby2010 · 21/07/2021 18:23

Is there any way he could take a 2 week holiday to enrol & then return back for the visa interview?

Given it’s the uni that have offered him the place & caused the delays, you might have more luck arguing with them than the embassy.

Gazelda · 21/07/2021 18:27

Have you contacted the dept that offered him the scholarship? They might find a way to honour 5e scholarship offer that is In jeopardy due to an admin delay.

Fiddliestofsticks · 21/07/2021 18:34

What have the uni and scholarship fund actually said? Have you been very very clear with them, listing the number of times you contacted them for the form, and the date the finally released it etc?

0None0 · 21/07/2021 18:37

Why won’t the university accept him on sept 5th? Have You made the situation cLear to them?

angstriddenhipster · 21/07/2021 18:44

I agree that he is far more likely to have luck with the uni than the embassy.

Also I would try to keep your despair to yourself, it won't help him. Sounds like he has a place at a UK uni and will get into uni accommodation? No reason he won't have a great year, and he should make the best of it if that's what it's going to be.

Hellocatshome · 21/07/2021 18:54

Agree the Uni is the one who can be flexible rather than the Embassy.

stellaisabella · 21/07/2021 18:57

Absolutely don't be giving up that easily. The college in the USA are the ones who need to be flexible and sort this, it's down to their mistake.

GreyGoose1980 · 21/07/2021 19:00

Can he do online learning until the visa comes through? I can understand why the embassy are not altering their process but the uni need to be flexible.

WrongKindOfFace · 21/07/2021 19:01

That’s really awful on the part of the uni and I hope they can do something to sort it out. Poor DS, I really feel for him.

absolutelyknackeredcow · 21/07/2021 19:03

Contact your MP today ( they go on recess tomorrow although they will have some service ) and get them to urgently contact the embassy on your behalf

absolutelyknackeredcow · 21/07/2021 19:03

You would be amazed but it will absolutely make a difference - who is your MP?

occa · 21/07/2021 19:08

Yes, talk to the university. They're the ones who've messed up. If your POC isn't useful you can find student services on the college website.

@Shelby2010's suggestion is not a bad one if it's east coast or otherwise pretty accessible. US Unis have orientation at/before the beginning of the fall semester and it's really good to attend if possible just to find you bearings (physically and socially!).

If he can do all the initial stuff: get his ID, register for his classes and talk to his advisor etc, then missing a few lectures to come back for the interview won't be the end of the world. His professors can make sure he gets the notes and there are always office hours to ask questions about things he may have missed.

Clymene · 21/07/2021 19:10

It's the university's fault though! Their incompetence has out him in this position. I'd be kicking up Merry hell.

Original poster
robotcollision · 21/07/2021 19:16

@Gazelda

Have you contacted the dept that offered him the scholarship? They might find a way to honour 5e scholarship offer that is In jeopardy due to an admin delay.
Yes we have. They haven't yet replied. He's asked them to allow him to enrol online and do the first few weeks via Zoom even though they are proudly stating that nothing this year will be on Zoom - it's all F2F, so they'd have to set that up specifically for him. And tutors would have to remember...
OP posts:
Original poster
robotcollision · 21/07/2021 19:19

@occa

Yes, talk to the university. They're the ones who've messed up. If your POC isn't useful you can find student services on the college website.

@Shelby2010's suggestion is not a bad one if it's east coast or otherwise pretty accessible. US Unis have orientation at/before the beginning of the fall semester and it's really good to attend if possible just to find you bearings (physically and socially!).

If he can do all the initial stuff: get his ID, register for his classes and talk to his advisor etc, then missing a few lectures to come back for the interview won't be the end of the world. His professors can make sure he gets the notes and there are always office hours to ask questions about things he may have missed.

The problem with that is timing. He would have to fly over as a tourist (assuming tourists from UK will be let in - currently they aren't). Enrolment starts on 19th but his visa app is 20th so he'd have to hope to get the earliest enrolment appointment and then fly straight back overnight to be in time for his visa interview in London. I suggested he do the visa app and then fly out as a tourist but the Embassy take your passport while they process the application so that;s not possible. He can't go anywhere for the three weeks that they are processing it.

Thank you all for the suggestions, though. I've racked my brains along similar lines. I will be writing to the Vice President.

OP posts:
Original poster
robotcollision · 21/07/2021 19:19

Of the uni not the USA! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
robotcollision · 21/07/2021 19:20

@absolutelyknackeredcow

Contact your MP today ( they go on recess tomorrow although they will have some service ) and get them to urgently contact the embassy on your behalf
That's actually a brilliant idea. Thank you!!!!!!!! You don't know how brilliant an idea that is.
OP posts:
Unsure33 · 21/07/2021 19:20

so he is missing a small amount of classes but could start 5th sept ?

why wont that work ? surely he can do that work somehow?

Gazelda · 21/07/2021 19:27

@robotcollision

Of the uni not the USA! Grin
😂😂😂😂
Nocutenamesleft · 21/07/2021 19:29

I had to get a green card to go work in America

It was an a absolute nightmare! It took a really long time. My work had to prove an American couldn’t do the job and it took months

I feel for you. It’s so sad. I hope he gets it sorted. I really do xx

absolutelyknackeredcow · 21/07/2021 19:38

Happy to be of help - fingers crossed for you

SunnySideDownBriefly · 21/07/2021 19:39

Please don't let him fly over on a tourist visa as a student. They will clock on to that straightaway and he'll get banned. I know you said the timing wouldn't work but even if you get really desperate, this is definitely not the way to do it. US Immigration Officers are as fierce as their rules.

davidrosejumper · 21/07/2021 19:39

I think the chances are low you can move the Embassy's timeline. So you just will have to work with the uni.

Unis' official deadlines on enrolment are often a lot more flexible in practice than on paper, especially there where it concerns international students. So please don't panic.

Have him contact the student registration office of the uni the offer is from, as well as the specific department/entity that offered the scholarship (cc). If they have an international students office, contact them as well (cc). Try not to be accusatory, but explain that the belated start of the administrative process has created some issues with the timeline, and that you are sure they will take this into consideration. (Phrase it more as an 'informing' that he will be a bit later, than as a 'please do still take him on' letter.)

Original poster
robotcollision · 21/07/2021 19:40

@Fiddliestofsticks

What have the uni and scholarship fund actually said? Have you been very very clear with them, listing the number of times you contacted them for the form, and the date the finally released it etc?
Oh yes. Their response was like something out of Alice in Wonderland. He repeatedly contacted them asking for the form and explaining the time pressure. They'd reply with automatic responses informing him how long it takes to process a form and that he must arrive by 19th even though the maths clashed! Hmm
OP posts:
davidrosejumper · 21/07/2021 19:41

(Obviously, he should do all the writing/sending/signing, being an adult. I didn't mean to phrase it as if you personally have to do these things.)

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