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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be hopping mad and upset for DS?

152 replies

robotcollision · 21/07/2021 18:15

Sorry this is long but I am so angry and upset on his behalf and have nowhere to vent.

DS2 (19 yrs old) has never had life easy. He has a very visible physical disability and an invisible one (HFA) which have given him more than his fair share of medical and social problems since birth. He had a truly awful first year at uni due to extreme isolation during Covid and some bullying.

The one thing that worked out for him was that he studied really hard and as a result got offered an exchange scholarship to a US uni for this coming year. The US uni was supposed to release a form to him in March that he needed before he was allowed to apply for his visa. He asked and asked for it. It was eventually released last week. He immediately spent 12 hours completing it and returned it to them.
They sent it back to him this week and he finally was able to apply for a visa. The visa interview date came through and it is two days too late for the cut off entry to his first semester at the US uni. (Term starts on Aug 19th. The latest day they will accept him is 3rd September. The visa interview means he can't possibly get to USA before 5th September at the earliest. We have phoned the Embassy - they can't and won't expedite it. The uni's delay in releasing the form effectively means they have jeopardised his entire study abroad year.

He now has no US uni, no one to share with at his UK uni as the friends he eventually made when he returned in the summer term have already got sorted for houses and his only option is to get an emergency accommodation back in the block where he was locked up alone and descending into severe depression last year.

I am so sad for him and so frustrated that there is nothing we can do to change the dates. And I am so so tired of him constantly putting such effort in to everything he does, from friendships to academic study, just to be perpetually knocked back.

Don't suppose any MNer has magical influence at US Embassy in London? Grin If not, this is just a vent at the ongoing injustice in his life. I feel like nature didn't give him the best start and he deserves a break at some point.

OP posts:
VeryQuaintIrene · 23/07/2021 13:45

Don't email but telephone either the admissions department or the chair of the department he is studying in and explain the situation. I know my US university would absolutely be flexible in these circumstances.

Original poster
robotcollision · 23/07/2021 16:59

@VeryQuaintIrene

Don't email but telephone either the admissions department or the chair of the department he is studying in and explain the situation. I know my US university would absolutely be flexible in these circumstances.
With respect there is no point in telephoning. His UK uni has disabled the phones as they are all working from home. The US uni requests that you email and he is in regular contact with the admissions office who just spout standard responses without actually appearing to mentally process (or, frankly, take responsibility for) the fact that the delays are due entirely to their late submission of essential visa paperwork.

So far, nothing has changed. He's being very calm on the surface but then got distressed tonight about a clash of social activities, which I think is the stress rerouting itself. We discussed when to give up on US uni and decided that if they haven't agreed to an extension by 15th August he'll stay in UK.

OP posts:
Original poster
robotcollision · 23/07/2021 17:01

@Ilovecaviar

Just wanted to say I really hope you succeed. You’re a wonderful mum for going to all this effort.
Thank you @Ilovecaviar. He's a wonderful young man who has really had a lot of hurdles to overcome in his childhood and this scholarship seemed the start of things going well for him, which is why I am so hacked off with both his home uni and host uni for being so ineffectual.
OP posts:
DamnUserName21 · 24/07/2021 18:00

Have you tried any of the school deans?

If he doesn't make Fall semester, he can go for the Spring? Unless they a quarter system, he can go for the winter quarter onwards...

DamnUserName21 · 24/07/2021 18:01

*they are on

DinosaurDuvet · 24/07/2021 18:51

Unfortunately no advice but I am routing for your DS ❤️

Original poster
robotcollision · 24/07/2021 18:56

@DamnUserName21

Have you tried any of the school deans?

If he doesn't make Fall semester, he can go for the Spring? Unless they a quarter system, he can go for the winter quarter onwards...

He's already checked and his home uni won't allow just Spring semester. We're giving the Vice President of the Uni until end of Monday before we chase him again. DS will nudge Raab and the US ambassador on Monday too. It's a full time job!

But he's getting incredibly despondent now, as days roll by and no one seems to care, especially the host uni which is so clearly responsible for his plight. If it hasn't been resolved by the end of the month, I think he's decided to stay here. He has a good life here, has made friends, is very involved in a couple of societies and has the chance of an interesting internship so it's not the end of the world if he stays. It's just... he worked so hard and had such a tough start. I was hoping this would come right for him.

OP posts:
DamnUserName21 · 24/07/2021 19:17

@robotcollision
Sorry to hear about his despondency. Whether he stays or goes, things will work out.

misssunshine4040 · 24/07/2021 21:18

No advice but hoping your boy gets a good outcome

Original poster
robotcollision · 24/07/2021 23:08

Thank you. Luckily I think he knows deep down that things will work out whether he goes or stays. It's just the sting of being offered somethings o wonderful and then the people who offer it can't really be bothered to make it happen. They haven't honoured their side of the bargain and that is so frustrating.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 26/07/2021 11:53

Just checking in to see if you've had any more positive news today @robotcollision ? Everything crossed!

absolutelyknackeredcow · 26/07/2021 15:21

Thinking of you too!

Ilovecaviar · 28/07/2021 12:14

Any update @robotcollision? Fingers crossed.

Original poster
robotcollision · 28/07/2021 22:38

Sadly none at all. No reply from anyone. We've had some other grim stuff to deal with in the meantime which has taken our attention and I think made DS lose a bit of his fighting spirit for it. It's looking increasingly likely he'll stay in UK now. I am privately furious for him but dealing full time with other more challenging stuff right now, so no time to chase the US uni...

Thank you so much for asking, though. There are kind people here on MN.

OP posts:
Ilovecaviar · 29/07/2021 15:47

Sorry to hear that. Wishing you all the best.

Original poster
robotcollision · 29/07/2021 19:00

Thank you.

OP posts:
trinibrit · 29/07/2021 23:17

Has he submitted an appointment expedite request through the online booking system? Have him login (the same website where he booked his appointment) and in the main menu (where his visa fee payment receipt is located) there should be a button to expedite. If he clicks on it there is an online form where he can explain the urgency and submit. The Embassy will then decide whether it is urgent enough to bring forward his appointment and email him with their answer.

Original poster
robotcollision · 30/07/2021 06:52

Yes, @trinibrit. The expedited appointment is the one in August. His original date was feb 2022! So they decided it was urgent enough to bring forward, but not urgent enough to bring forward to a date that would enable him to do what he needs to do. No logic.

OP posts:
misstiggywinkle21 · 30/07/2021 07:10

Keep checking the appointments daily - they do free up. We were able to get ours brought forward. They seem to release new slots all the time but not on any specific day or time. I refreshed the embassy appointment web page many times a day but got lucky. Good luck!

Linning · 30/07/2021 08:27

Keep checking daily and he can technically apply in any US embassy in the world, so maybe have him apply in Mexico or closer countries to the US so he can move there directly.

trinibrit · 30/07/2021 08:44

How much time is there between his Embassy appointment in August and his need to be in the USA on 3rd September? Visas typically arrive about a week after appointment but, if there are no security check issues, can come back in 48 hours if pushed through. Can he explain the urgency at the appointment and ask them to push it through?

billy1966 · 30/07/2021 08:45

How absolutely gutting this is for your son and family.

Gutting.
So sorry.

Original poster
robotcollision · 31/07/2021 16:26

Thank you. At the risk of outing myself, my dad died this week and I've been sorting the funeral and looking after my mum who has dementia as well as visiting care homes with her, so I have had to let this one go and leave it to him because I just feel in the middle of a stress blizzard. He seems to have lost heart. But will get home soon and find out how it's going.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 31/07/2021 17:04

Oh dear lord that's so hard.
I am sincerely so sorry.
Such a load to carry.
Condolences for your father.

You are doing the right thing, you can only juggle so much.

Wishing you strength. Flowers

XelaM · 31/07/2021 17:54

That's infuriating!! Go on the uni's social media page and post on there!