AIBU to be hopping mad and upset for DS?

[robotcollision]

Sorry this is long but I am so angry and upset on his behalf and have nowhere to vent.

DS2 (19 yrs old) has never had life easy. He has a very visible physical disability and an invisible one (HFA) which have given him more than his fair share of medical and social problems since birth. He had a truly awful first year at uni due to extreme isolation during Covid and some bullying.

The one thing that worked out for him was that he studied really hard and as a result got offered an exchange scholarship to a US uni for this coming year. The US uni was supposed to release a form to him in March that he needed before he was allowed to apply for his visa. He asked and asked for it. It was eventually released last week. He immediately spent 12 hours completing it and returned it to them.
They sent it back to him this week and he finally was able to apply for a visa. The visa interview date came through and it is two days too late for the cut off entry to his first semester at the US uni. (Term starts on Aug 19th. The latest day they will accept him is 3rd September. The visa interview means he can't possibly get to USA before 5th September at the earliest. We have phoned the Embassy - they can't and won't expedite it. The uni's delay in releasing the form effectively means they have jeopardised his entire study abroad year.

He now has no US uni, no one to share with at his UK uni as the friends he eventually made when he returned in the summer term have already got sorted for houses and his only option is to get an emergency accommodation back in the block where he was locked up alone and descending into severe depression last year.

I am so sad for him and so frustrated that there is nothing we can do to change the dates. And I am so so tired of him constantly putting such effort in to everything he does, from friendships to academic study, just to be perpetually knocked back.

Don't suppose any MNer has magical influence at US Embassy in London? If not, this is just a vent at the ongoing injustice in his life. I feel like nature didn't give him the best start and he deserves a break at some point.

@absolutelyknackeredcow

You would be amazed but it will absolutely make a difference - who is your MP?

Foreign Secretary...

I have just emailed him.

He needs to get the university to request an expedited appointment. Phone, don’t email and leverage his departmental administration to pressure his college’s ISS department. That speeds things up. With their nod, the embassy will help - especially if it’s a state university. This happened to me on my last F1 visa (finishing my PhD several years ago) and I got there on time (2 days before the last legal entry date)! If he’s willing to go to Belfast, that may also be an option.

Sorry, crossposted. If he gets automatic replies on email, phone instead.

3rd Sept is a Friday and the 5th a Sunday??? Surely it can make next to no difference to the uni???

Automated/standard email replies, quite possibly from a student employee or intern, don't really count. How many times have you picked up the phone and spoken to them?

@0None0

Why won’t the university accept him on sept 5th? Have You made the situation cLear to them?

I don't know. They just said if you don't attend your induction sessions in person (all of which take place between 20th Aug-3rd September then they won't admit you to the uni. We are asking for this to be waived due to his exceptional circumstances (polite version of: this is your fault, so sort it.)

The visa application process has already cost £400. And their payment site was down for two days which didn't help so that was an added delay.

@PaperHalo

3rd Sept is a Friday and the 5th a Sunday??? Surely it can make next to no difference to the uni???

5th is absolutely the earliest the visa and his passport might get returned to him. Then he'd need to get on a plane. But if they don't mail out over the weekend it's more likely to be the 6th then he needs to find a flight on the 7th and would only arrive for actual classes, jet lagged, on 8th.

If you don't get it sorted, would it be possible for him to have a gap year and work/volunteer here.
He could then either go to the US next year or resume his course in the UK.
What were his plans for accommodation the year following his US exchange?

Does he need his visa to enrol? I'd like to think the university would come up with a plan seeing as it's their cock up.

If it can't happen, can he defer to next year and take a year off to have some fun etc

@Fiddliestofsticks

Automated/standard email replies, quite possibly from a student employee or intern, don't really count. How many times have you picked up the phone and spoken to them?

They weren't literally automated. They were from his POC. They were just so 'computer says no.' In the end I got him to write a really smarmy email saying how appreciative he was of how hard his POC was working and how brilliant she was and weirdly then the forms arrived...

@sparepantsandtoothbrush

Does he need his visa to enrol? I'd like to think the university would come up with a plan seeing as it's their cock up.

If it can't happen, can he defer to next year and take a year off to have some fun etc

I agree with the first statement. I've suggested the second to him. He is dead set against it. He doesn't want to lose momentum.

If it's a big Uni there should be an international student services office you can contact. Most general Uni admin is unlikely to be too clued in about international student issues.

Has he been given the name of his student advisor yet (should be someone from his department)? You should contact them too as they can work their way through the Uni hoops a lot more easily than you can.

Also - be sure you’ve booked the first available appointment. Visa section at London are notoriously rule abiding and only consider expediting existing appointments, so don’t delay. Log on a few times a day to check if there are earlier slots, you can move your appointment as people cancel. Will be a hell of a train fare etc but worth it.

@sergeilavrov

He needs to get the university to request an expedited appointment. Phone, don’t email and leverage his departmental administration to pressure his college’s ISS department. That speeds things up. With their nod, the embassy will help - especially if it’s a state university. This happened to me on my last F1 visa (finishing my PhD several years ago) and I got there on time (2 days before the last legal entry date)! If he’s willing to go to Belfast, that may also be an option.

That is really helpful, thank you. We will phone them first thing tomorrow morning. That's the first glimmer of hope I've had that an intervention is possible. But his appointment has already been expedited. The first one offered was February next year!

I don't think chasing the embassy is going to get you anywhere. I'm in various fb groups for Americans trying to get appts for passport renewal, registering births, etc and the embassy is totally backlogged and still working in pandemic mode.

It's the university that will need to be flexible and there's no reason why they shouldn't be, you just need to find the right person to speak to. Keep trying and trying. It's summer holidays so I can imagine that it's hard to get a response bit hopefully in a few weeks people will start coming back to work in preparation for school to start.

Also, yes, he's definitely willing to go to Belfast. I didn't know that was an option. We'll look into that first thing too. Brilliant help. Thank you so much!

@robotcollision

Of the uni not the USA!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sorry to hear what troubles he's had.

I also have a son with a physical disability and HFA and I get cross when things go wrong for him because I just want to scream "life is tough enough for him without you pissing him around".

I hope you have luck with your MP.

@sergeilavrov

Also - be sure you’ve booked the first available appointment. Visa section at London are notoriously rule abiding and only consider expediting existing appointments, so don’t delay. Log on a few times a day to check if there are earlier slots, you can move your appointment as people cancel. Will be a hell of a train fare etc but worth it.

We have done this and are regularly checking for cancelled appointments.

Try contacting the Dean of Admissions at the US Uni. Have a google. If you can't get his/her email, try Linkedin.

As PP said, see if DS can enroll in online classes for the semester. Thing is your DS might not be able to enrol in ANY classes without having his visa in place first as he'd be required to show immigration status when enrolling in person, however, this may differ if he enrols as an international student based abroad...

Thanks @itsgettingwierd. Very few people get exactly how numerous the daily battles are with both types of disability. he so deserves life to go right for him for once.

Thank you to everyone emphasising we need to push the uni not the Embassy. We are and we will, by phone, tomorrow.

@SunnySideDownBriefly

Please don't let him fly over on a tourist visa as a student. They will clock on to that straightaway and he'll get banned. I know you said the timing wouldn't work but even if you get really desperate, this is definitely not the way to do it. US Immigration Officers are as fierce as their rules.

Actually, he knew this and shot the idea down immediately. He's gone out for a drink now with some friends which he badly needed after solid visa stress every day for a week. We'll start the campaign of action to get the uni to allow him a few days grace tomorrow. But really, he wants to be there for the start - for Freshers and F2F inductions. Though he will still go even if he has to turn up three or four weeks late. It's just harder to make friends then and with HFA it's hard to anyway.

@DamnUserName21

Try contacting the Dean of Admissions at the US Uni. Have a google. If you can't get his/her email, try Linkedin.

As PP said, see if DS can enroll in online classes for the semester. Thing is your DS might not be able to enrol in ANY classes without having his visa in place first as he'd be required to show immigration status when enrolling in person, however, this may differ if he enrols as an international student based abroad...

Thank you. I hadn't thought of that. So actually even online won't be possible until the visa arrives.

@davidrosejumper

I think the chances are low you can move the Embassy's timeline. So you just will have to work with the uni.

Unis' official deadlines on enrolment are often a lot more flexible in practice than on paper, especially there where it concerns international students. So please don't panic.

Have him contact the student registration office of the uni the offer is from, as well as the specific department/entity that offered the scholarship (cc). If they have an international students office, contact them as well (cc). Try not to be accusatory, but explain that the belated start of the administrative process has created some issues with the timeline, and that you are sure they will take this into consideration. (Phrase it more as an 'informing' that he will be a bit later, than as a 'please do still take him on' letter.)

I like this approach. Thank you. We will definitely do this.

@robotcollision,

It depends re online classes....many US unis offer courses to international students in their own countries so it depends on how the University will enrol if he is not there in person....hope this makes sense.

Good luck @robotcollision your ds sounds wonderful and determined, and so do you