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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Considering a 5 hours per day school run

263 replies

Cactusowl · 21/06/2021 15:18

My son has been offered a place at a lovely school which is around an hour away. It’s an independent SEN school and will suit him so much better than his current mainstream.
We are taking our council to a tribunal in the hope they will name the school on my sons EHCP and therefore pay the fees/taxi. The court date isn’t set until October. I have the option to pay for the school myself so he can start in September, I will have to drive him myself for a minimum of half a term or max 3 years if we lose our appeal.

Has anyone done a long school run like this? Was it manageable and did it get any easier? AIBU to even consider this journey is sustainable?

OP posts:
cupsofcoffee · 21/06/2021 15:19

Personally I think it's completely unrealistic and you'll be fed up by October half-term.

ThePlantsitter · 21/06/2021 15:20

I wouldn't start doing anything that you can't continue tbh. I'm my experience councils love saying 'well you're doing it now, surely you can continue'. I'm not an expert though.

QueenBee52 · 21/06/2021 15:22

lordy OP much as I am pleased he has been offered this place, you will all be absolutely shattered 😳

Akire · 21/06/2021 15:22

If you don’t work or have other kids stuck in the car of course it’s doable. Depends on the drive stuck in traffic slow moving edging inch by inch traffic or half on motorway? Plenty of people live in rural area would have similar drives.

redpandaalert · 21/06/2021 15:23

I would do it but I have a SEN child and if it would make all the difference to the children then yes - you can’t get those education years back. Is this secondary? So many SEN kids struggle in senior mainstream school and often it’s so bad they stop going to school. Do the school think you have a good case for the tribunal? I think you will find lots of other parents at the school driving similar distances.

squee123 · 21/06/2021 15:23

How would your son cope with that amount of time in the car? Is it viable for you in terms of work? Can you afford the expense in terms of wear and tear and petrol on top of the fees?

LawnFever · 21/06/2021 15:23

No that sounds completely unmanageable on a permanent basis, if you think the school is that good could you consider moving nearer?

Backthewaywecame · 21/06/2021 15:24

I think that’s way too far for a child and you if you are driving.

Having said that, my dc goes to a special school where taxis bring in children from all over the area, up to 50miles away. I always feel for them in the winter months, leaving and getting home in the dark.

It also depends on your child. Mine could not cope with a journey of that length.

Cattitudes · 21/06/2021 15:25

I would either try to move closer or get a job (ideally term time or wfh and rent office space) near the school. Is there no public transport from your town or another nearby one other?

Hellocatshome · 21/06/2021 15:25

Can you move? Even if you moved half way it would shorten the journey time significantly and also shorten his day which he may cope better with.

Tuberoses · 21/06/2021 15:25

YABU to put your child through that. A 5hr commute is massively exhausting. I once did a 4hr commute and it made me absolutely ill. Not only did it suck up my free time, it also made me suffer from nausea and migraines.

Taliskerskye · 21/06/2021 15:26

It’s not 5 hours though? It’s an hour there an hour back. I did that as I lived rurally to a standard school.

If this school is going to make all the difference then surely it’s a no brainier? Unless I’m reading it wrong.

Backthewaywecame · 21/06/2021 15:27

Also have you tried the journey yourself during rush hour? I would do it there and back with your son.

Taliskerskye · 21/06/2021 15:27

I mean as in for your child it’s an hour there hour back.

bookh · 21/06/2021 15:27

An hour each way? So 2 hours for the child? Fairly standard round here. Work and school.

Would not be going home every day though. Would either move, look for work near there or try and fill some of the day's near there if you don't work.

Backthewaywecame · 21/06/2021 15:28

It’s five hours for the driver, not the pupil.

StayCalmX · 21/06/2021 15:28

Do you mean it takes 75 minutes to drive there. Then same to go home? Then repeat for home time?

I think if you have the time, and the car and the money for petrol, I would consider it but I would probably try and join a gym near his school. So I had somewhere to go. To work out, or shower or sit in the coffee shop. Do your grocery shop in that location. Bring a book, listen to audible, iPad, netflix.

So if it's possible to fill the time in between at least some of the days and make it a 75 minute trip each way, then I would consider it.

HopeForTheBestExpectTheWorst · 21/06/2021 15:28

I'm not getting how it's 5 hours if you're doing an hour there/back and again at the end of the day?
But anyway, I think it would be too much for you, and I'd worry that an hour at the start and end of each school day would be too much for my dc (even if was in a taxi).

Norabuzz · 21/06/2021 15:30

I would do it. It's so difficult to find suitable schools for children with SEN. If this school is a good fit, 100% you do everything to ensure your child attends.

MildredPuppy · 21/06/2021 15:31

Short term until taxi this will be ok. Longer term, its hard work. I do 45 mins which is less than you and some days i find things to do near the school rather than go back and forth, its partly time and partly petrol (he only does short days to be fair)
But SEN spaces are hard to find so you will probably do it. Grin

Backthewaywecame · 21/06/2021 15:31

I assume if op takes him, it’s an hour there then she would go back home and set out again for the end of the school day and back home again. You couldn’t spend a day in that area for five days a week for three years, worst case scenario!

StayCalmX · 21/06/2021 15:32

@QueenBee52

lordy OP much as I am pleased he has been offered this place, you will all be absolutely shattered 😳
By an hour and 15 there and back?

There are other ways to make this less arduous.

For example, you could take Wednesdays off? So you're only ever facing the journey for the second day in a row.

Instead of endlessly looping back and forth, join a gym/library voluntary job nearby??

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 21/06/2021 15:32

I would find a job/volunteering/workspace and not go home if possible.
An hour for a child with extra needs... Totally see why you would.

StayCalmX · 21/06/2021 15:33

@Norabuzz

I would do it. It's so difficult to find suitable schools for children with SEN. If this school is a good fit, 100% you do everything to ensure your child attends.
Yes, my son has demand avoidance (on Autistic spectrum) and there are no perfect solutions. It's never going to be easy.
AnUnoriginalUsername · 21/06/2021 15:35

I would do it. Its so important that SEN kids are in suitable schools. If this is the right place for him the you need to do it. It's not forever.