Considering a 5 hours per day school run

[Cactusowl]

My son has been offered a place at a lovely school which is around an hour away. It’s an independent SEN school and will suit him so much better than his current mainstream.
We are taking our council to a tribunal in the hope they will name the school on my sons EHCP and therefore pay the fees/taxi. The court date isn’t set until October. I have the option to pay for the school myself so he can start in September, I will have to drive him myself for a minimum of half a term or max 3 years if we lose our appeal.

Has anyone done a long school run like this? Was it manageable and did it get any easier? AIBU to even consider this journey is sustainable?

[ineedaholidaynow]

Would you be able to pay for a taxi for at least some of the days, so to give you a break. Or you do the drop off in the morning and the taxi does the pick up, or vice versa?

[QueenBee52]

how much is a taxi journey OP one way 🌸

[underneaththeash]

A friend of mine did it for her daughter to an SEN school near Oxford. It was about 1.15 each way. She joined a gym nearby and stayed a couple of times a week. They just got used it to, unfortunately, the school didn’t suit as they weren’t good at dealing with low-level bullying and she now goes elsewhere.

[newnortherner111]

I did about three hours of driving each day (to/from work) for around 12 months when I was in my early thirties. I would never do that again and would not recommend it.

A taxi one way or some days of the week at the very least.

Good luck with your appeal.

[unim]

Can you do some work in the same location as the school? Then it would halve the commuting time for you.

[Kokosrieksts]

If it was just 75min there and then back at the end of the day, then I’d say yes, it’s a bit annoying to have such commute, but perfectly doable.
If you have to come home rather than stay at the school location then absolutely not. It will very quickly become too much.

[Cactusowl]

@Nettleskeins the school does feel like a radical solution but I feel like I’ve been pushed into it by the lack of support DS is getting. I have to argue with the school/LEA for a 10 min typing intervention or handwriting skills - getting support written into an EHCP is hard, making sure a mainstream provides it is even harder! Though the school is unlikely to be a magic bullet most of the interventions DS needs are built into the school day for every child. The children make really good progress from starting point, at his current school the aim just seems to be to keep him happy enough.
I know it’s the right thing for him but the journey is so off putting!

[unim]

I cycle 8 miles a day and with all the loading and unloading and waiting for children to get ready and on their bikes too, it takes me about an hour each way. It's fine and we enjoy it.

But I think two hours each way would eat too much of my life! However, if you think it is 90% likely that they will fund a taxi and the school place from the following term, that's only a temporary inconvenience...

[TotorosCatBus]

Having read your updates I see that he's secondary so I think he'll be fine. Lots of kids will be on a school bus or whatever for an hour each way.

Do you have other kids? I would personally do the driving but I might hang out in the school town rather than drive home.

[PaulGallico]

I would think carefully about taking him out of his existing school, paying the fees for this new school and providing transport. That is unless you are in a position to continue to do this should your appeal fail. If the council see that you are paying the fees etc they will very likely want to let you continue to do so. I have a child with SN so do know how the system works. I would also say if you haven't got a date until Oct then the council do not see this as a priority.

[Ellie56]

You know instinctively when you have found the right school.

Could you get a friend/partner/taxi service to do some of the journeys or would that stress your DS out too much?

[OneWildNightWithJBJ]

I used to do four hours a day on public transport for about half the school year (until I passed my driving test). DH used to drop DD off at her special school and I would take older DS to his school, come home, have a very early lunch and set off to pick up DD, get home on 3 buses just in time to pick up DS!

If it’s an hour for your child in the car, it’s probably not too bad. I would go for it if you think the setting is the best place for them.

[TerritorialPissings]

We found ourselves having to look at alternative schools for our DC, and the best alternative was 40 mins away (but an hour in rush hour) and we made the difficult decision to relocate as I couldn’t face the journey time and I thought it would negatively affect their ability to do homework and extra curricular activities. We’re still adjusting and have consider moving back all the time as we’re homesick for our old area, BUT the commute stops me.

[khakiandcoral]

My normal commute (just me) is around 3 hours a day. I would not recommend it.

I honestly wouldn't drive home and back.

I would have a look at a local gym, and see if I can go swimming or exercising while I am there (plus they have showers and hair dryer).

Is there a library in that town?

I personally would be more than happy with a couple of hours exercising a day, then sitting down working or studying (or just reading) in the library.

Could you do something like that?

[DaphneDeloresMoorhead]

@Cactusowl most private schools run minibuses - I think ours does 6 different rounds. If you're serious about the school I'd get in touch with the bursars office and enquire about this - you might get away with a short drop off to a minibus pickup point. I think ours is about £500 a term depending on the distance - some parents in our year are easily a 45 - 60 minute journey out but they all use the minibus. If you wouldn't get any funding towards it at least think of it as saving your time and fuel

[idontlikealdi]

Well the kids on that Yorkshire far programme have an hour commute each way but they are provided with a minibus for transport and no SEN (as far as I'm aware). I guess it's more standard in a rural community.

I think it would be an absolute ball ache if you had to do it yourself tbh, and will get tiresome very very quickly.

[Crunched]

For 7 years my school run was 120 miles a day...42 of which were motorway driving. From home to school was 30 miles, repeated 4 times a day.
It was a great time to chat to each other about everything, and certain types of homework was possible in the car. My youngest has now finished school but she, her siblings and I often say how much fun the travelling was and how much we learnt from each other in that time with no escape from each other.

[Grimbelina]

How big is the school? Is there a likelihood that you could team up with another parent (some parents do this at my DC's special school). Do you need to drive home? Could you work remotely somewhere comfortable near the school? Even rent a space? Might be worth reaching out to the other parents as you might find some support/a solution.

Do you think you could move closer in the longer term? A good idea to see if it works out first though....

[Cactusowl]

@DaphneDeloresMoorhead no mini as the whole school only has around 40 students and they come from three or four different counties.

[QueenBee52]

Does your Son know he has this placement OP 🌸

is he delighted ☺️

[Didiusfalco]

I think I would do it. Given that it’s secondary and a finite amount of time. I would probably make plans in the city a couple of times a week though. Can I ask the distance in miles? Would it be worth paying for a taxi once a week for a break?

[BarbarianMum]

If you cant move closer then no, it's not sustainable. So I'd wait until the appeal is won to send him.

[Kacha30]

I do get it op. My son is autistic and I get that finding the right provision is so hard but I feel this would be unrealistic. It would be very tiring every day. Even if he was getting fantastic support at school.

I know someone who did similar. It was okay to start with but it became hard work after a while. It was an hour there and hour back so not even as long as you explain. She would drive them but she then had to stop driving as she had health issues and she got really stuck. I think the council did end up providing transport but it was a fight.

[Merryoldgoat]

As a parent of two autistic children, the older currently having some issues in his mainstream setting, I understand the desire to get the right place.

I’m my opinion you are utterly mad to consider a school so far away.

I’d sooner downsize and move if I were sure it really was a good setting. You don’t know that though - only what you believe. It may be the silver bullet but it may not.

You will never be relaxed.

Stress to ensure you’re there on time. Then you get home (ten ish?) and then have to clock watch to ensure you leave at 1.45 ish to collect. That’s only 3 hours.

Home around 4.30 straight into evening stuff.

You’re whole week is about that one child - none of the others.

I think you’d be daft to do this without a plan to move.

[XingMing]

Based purely on one year's experience of a similar journey, but without the SEN aspects, I'll just warn you that it was very hard going -- especially between November and February half term. We left at 6.30 am to get the bus at 7.00 and were never home before 6.00pm with two hours homework to get done. It is possible but it is likely to leave you aboslutely exhausted.