Considering a 5 hours per day school run

[Cactusowl]

My son has been offered a place at a lovely school which is around an hour away. It’s an independent SEN school and will suit him so much better than his current mainstream.
We are taking our council to a tribunal in the hope they will name the school on my sons EHCP and therefore pay the fees/taxi. The court date isn’t set until October. I have the option to pay for the school myself so he can start in September, I will have to drive him myself for a minimum of half a term or max 3 years if we lose our appeal.

Has anyone done a long school run like this? Was it manageable and did it get any easier? AIBU to even consider this journey is sustainable?

[Nettleskeins]

No
I would move to be nearer school for the next few years.
DS has SEN; his EHCP named a school on our doorstep and part of the reason was we wanted him to have the independence of getting himself to and from school. He absolutely thrived there (it was a comprehensive with good SEN dept) and his now at uni...a brilliant independent traveller, from that seed. A boy who needed driving to school when he was 13 due to his anxiety

People suggested a specialist school and taxi, I am so so glad we considered a different tack.

[Eddielzzard]

My SEN child goes to a specialist school which is 1.5 hours on the school bus each way. It is so worth the awful journey. In your case since you're driving, it would depend on how you can cope with that much driving. If you can manage, do it, because the transformation of my DC in a much better suited school was way worth the horrible journey.

[Ellie56]

Yes If I had the money to pay for the school I absolutely would do this.

With regard to the Tribunal have you asked for an expedited hearing?

And if your child is on a reduced timetable is the LA providing education some other way to ensure he gets F/T education?

[NumberTheory]

If it was the difference between a positive school experience and misery for my kids (and I was fortunate enough to be able to afford it etc.) I would certainly consider it. I had a 3 - 4 hr school commute for a couple of years (45+ mins each way plus waiting time and frequent traffic snarls). It was doable, I didn’t get to the stage where I was dreading the drive but it did mean I didn’t get nearly as much done in the day. If you have other kids as well I think it’s much less feasible.

I frequently planned my day to be out all day near my kids’ school which made things more enjoyable (my gym had a place there, I signed up for a class or two and there was a great library and nice lunch/coffee places - so could get pricey!) but chore wise mainly just covered household shopping.

.

[CatherineMorland]

I was doing 3 hours a day school run and found it unbearable. We have moved 15 mins away, and it has made such a positive difference to my life.

[Nettleskeins]

The time you spend dealing with a school so far away is time you cannot spend supporting your son in many other ways, holistic extras, downtime, support with homework. And his friends will also be an hour or two hours away, have you considered that aspect???

[Bryonyshcmyony]

I did a 45 minute there and back twice a day and that was soul destroying after a while. Thank god I met a mum who lived near ish and we did one week on one week off.

[danni0509]

Ds special school is 35 mins away, I did it for 2 weeks - had no choice, transport couldn’t start immediately (i wasn’t even coming home it was dropping him off, waiting in the town for the time he was at school then driving him back!)

Personally I wouldn’t commit to that, you would have no life... if I drove ds now I would be driving nearly 2 and a half hours a day.

[LIZS]

Unless you can plan to spend your days there rather than to and fro twice a day do not commit yourselves to this. It will be exhausting, costly and get you down unless things are going really well, which with SEN is not realistic 100% of the time.

[HopeForTheBestExpectTheWorst]

So it might be well over an hour each way, depending on traffic etc?
What about family life? Do you have other kids or pets or relatives who would be impacted by this? How is your ds with early mornings? One of mine could get up and be ready to go, the other absolutely not.
There’s so much to think about.
Is there any way you could do a trial week?

[danni0509]

@danni0509

Ds special school is 35 mins away, I did it for 2 weeks - had no choice, transport couldn’t start immediately (i wasn’t even coming home it was dropping him off, waiting in the town for the time he was at school then driving him back!)

Personally I wouldn’t commit to that, you would have no life... if I drove ds now I would be driving nearly 2 and a half hours a day.

That drove me mad ^^

Waiting about and it cost me a fair amount in fuel for the 2 weeks there and back, so there back there back would be a nightmare for me.

Think carefully OP. It’s a big commitment.

[Backthewaywecame]

My dc normally has a taxi to school but during lockdown, the school was open and pupils could attend if transported by a parent. It was probably 2 1/2 hours for me in the car (no rush hour traffic as other schools were closed) but I found it hard. I don’t think I would do it in your position.

[Cactusowl]

@canigooutyet I am lucky to have a fantastic solicitor and my expert witness are all tribunal experienced.

@Nettleskeins currently if he does a full day at school he needs hours of recovery afterwards (which is why he’s on a reduced timetable), the new school would mean he’s more able to cope after school and at weekends meaning we would probably have more time for extra activities.

[cupsofcoffee]

I like the suggestion of a trial week.

Go and do the journeys every day for a week. Make sure you include everything - the getting up early, the sitting in traffic, the time you'd spend sat at the school doing drop-offs and pick-ups, the fuel stops etc.

[Jasmine11]

Can you move closer to the school? Or do you have other children in local schools?

[Cactusowl]

I have two older children. Only one will still be in school and doesn’t need me to take her.
I’m not moving closer - I really like my house/location and we’d need to downsize which would make all our lives more stressful.

[Sidge]

My DD is at a specialist provision about an hour away.

I am very very glad she has transport, even though it costs me, as the journey wouldn't be sustainable for me - I work and have another school aged child. The occasions I have had to take her (not many to be fair) I really resented the time I "wasted" driving. And it's exhausting.

I'd do anything for my disabled child, but I'd be no use to her if I was tired, resentful and broke from driving 3-4 hours a day 5 days a week.

[bridgetreilly]

How does your son cope with car journeys? If he finds them at all stressful, I don't think any school would be worth that journey twice a day. If he finds them soothing, then maybe it's not such a bad thing, provided you have carefully considered the impact on your own day.

[Lampzade]

Dsis does an hour and fifteen minutes to drive her kids to an ‘outstanding’ school.
From September they will be attending the local school rated ‘Good’.
I know it is different in Op’s situation because her ds is SEN ., but don’t underestimate how soul destroying and exhausting it is to travel daily

[museumum]

Can you afford a taxi home twice a week say? then spend one day locally means those three days you're only driving 2hrs... two days you drive 4+hrs... not great but more manageable.

[Dithercats]

My DC just stopped a 3 hour commute as I forced the LEA to change transport type. It was just too much...in winter coming and going in the dark, the knock on effect for SeN children is huge. The commute is now just over an hour and much more realistic.

The other children massively complicates matters....if 1 needs you and you are 60 minutes in the opposite direction....

Try before you buy is the best advice

[cupsofcoffee]

Honestly, do a trial week of it and see how you feel.

Don't underestimate how exhausting driving is - it's not like commuting on a train where you can switch off and nap, read, have a coffee etc. You have to concentrate the whole time.

I suspect the morning won't be too bad but on your fourth hour of the day when you're stuck in a tailback due to an accident, I reckon you'll be pretty fed up tbh.

[blissfulllife]

I was in the same situation not too long ago. I don't drive so it was a good walk and two buses to get my dd to her sen school. A two hour round trip there so we'd leave home at 7:30 and then I'd get home at 9:30, back out again at 1:30 to fetch her. It was pretty exhausting to be honest on top of everything else. I don't think I could of done it long term at all. She's got taxi in place now thankfully

[blissfulllife]

Good luck btw x

[Nettleskeins]

OP, solicitors really put pressure on me to try and send Ds to a specialist school. They suggested I push for taxi etc. At some point I decided I was being pushed into a very radical solution (by lawyers), for what was not compatible with my family circs, and I don't just mean money. I advise you to look at the solution from a whole variety of angles, not least is that you, as your child's advocate, need to look after yourself too. We sometimes think there is a silver bullet school out there, what happens normally is that there is a better school than the present school, not perfect but "better" tgan unsatisfactory present school and it should be nearer than your perfect school.