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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

See mother and maybe ruin children's summer?

123 replies

Yoyoyoyoyoyoy · 04/05/2021 18:29

I live in France with my children, and my mother lives in the UK.

I am absolutely desperate to see her this summer but she doesn't want to travel to France as she thinks it's too risky. Which leaves me with the option of taking my DC (aged 5 and 2) to the UK. DM wants us to do the 10 days isolation before we go to her house, so we'd have to find a place to do that before we go to see her. Just the thought of being cooped up in a hotel or Airbnb flat somewhere for 10 days with my children, especially a very lively and demanding 2 year old, fills me with dread. And it would be rubbish for them to have to go through when they should be out running around and enjoying their summer.

It'll also be quite expensive (I believe about £1200 for the testing for the three of us, plus whatever I can find in the way of accomodation, maybe £100 a night) which I do have the money for, but it'll wipe out my savings. Plus DH can't come as he has to work.

I think what I'm hoping is that I'll be let off the hook; yes I want to see her but I don't want to spend my summer like this. AIBU?

OP posts:
TakeYourFinalPosition · 04/05/2021 18:31

No. It’s much easier for her to come to you... if she won’t, I’d stick to FaceTime and things for now. Quarantine with a 2 year old will not be fun.

crapbuttrue · 04/05/2021 18:32

How old is your mum? Personally I wouldn't do this with two young kids.

Original poster
Yoyoyoyoyoyoy · 04/05/2021 18:33

She's mid-70s, in good health, no underlying conditions, and fully vaccinated.

OP posts:
Mistressinthetulips · 04/05/2021 18:34

Is your mum double vaccinated? Is she clinically vulnerable?

Mistressinthetulips · 04/05/2021 18:34

Xpost

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 04/05/2021 18:34

Absolutely not. That sounds like complete hell. I don't think seeing your mum, however lovely that would be, would make up for the absolute performance this would turn out to be.

Figmentofimagination · 04/05/2021 18:35

No way would I be isolating in an Airbnb or a hotel for 10 days with a 2yo and 5yo. It's hard enough in your own home with all of their toys and favourite things, but somewhere unfamiliar with only a few of their things would be torture. They will drive you and each other up the wall.

If your mother really wants to see you, she should come to you. Expecting you to isolate for 10 days isn't fair on you at all, and too expensive as well.

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 04/05/2021 18:35

Fully vaccinated so she’s being unreasonable. If vaccines are the answer then that should provide her with a normal life and she should be able to do everything as she usually would. Much easier for her to travel to you.

wonderstuff · 04/05/2021 18:35

Why on earth won't she come to you. I presume she's much more likely than you to be vaccinated? Unless you've any reason to need to see her urgently I'd wait until late summer or autumn when infection rates in France are likely to be much lower and travel easier.

MiddleParking · 04/05/2021 18:36

Fuck that. Is she usually so difficult?

FoxtrotSkarloey · 04/05/2021 18:36

I wouldn't do that. If the situation means you can't meet face to face for a bit longer, then so be it.... FaceTime for a bit longer!

Mydarlingmyhamburger · 04/05/2021 18:37

Absolutely no way op. I hope she’s not guilt tripping you into this as it is totally unreasonable to expect someone with a young family to go through this much hassle (complete hell) and expense. If she wants to see you, then she can go to you

iolaus · 04/05/2021 18:38

Who's putting you on the hook?

You don't say your mother is nagging you to visit, just she is not comfortable with going to a different country

Original poster
Yoyoyoyoyoyoy · 04/05/2021 18:39

It's either summer or nothing for me. I'm a teacher so it's the only time I have enough time to isolate. With the extra complication that my school is in another country that borders with France and I wouldn't be allowed in to work unless I 'quarantined' in France for 10 days before crossing the border, so it's basically mid-summer or nothing.

OP posts:
Purplewithred · 04/05/2021 18:39

I don't think she really wants to see you yet - you say you are desperate to see her, but she won't come to you? I'd just leave it for now. Things may change a lot over the next few months or even weeks.

zafferana · 04/05/2021 18:39

No way would I do that OP. If she wants to see you, she can visit you. TBH, I think she's being selfish and unreasonable to expect you to do that trip with quarantine with two small DC simply because she doesn't want to travel, when she's perfectly capable of doing so. Tell her you'll visit her when you can do so without any quarantine as 'it wouldn't be fair on the DC'.

MichelleScarn · 04/05/2021 18:40

How long would you actually end up spending with her? Would she let you and the children have hugs?

WinnieTheW0rm · 04/05/2021 18:41

Ask if your DMum would let you (just you) do any required post-travel isolation at hers. Then you don't have to add on days staying elsewhere, and even though you can't go anywhere you'll ave lots of time with her and a few days out and about at the end

Your DH can work out the childcare during your trip

RiojaRose · 04/05/2021 18:41

There is no way on earth I would consider doing that. If I could go alone perhaps. Absolutely not with children.

Rainallnight · 04/05/2021 18:43

I’ve got DC similar ages and family abroad and there’s no way I’d go through that palaver. I’ve thought about it a lot because I’m desperate to see them, but I can’t do that to the kids. Or to myself!

Does your mum understand what you’d have to do?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/05/2021 18:43

For goodness sake don’t do that with your two kids! What a ridiculous suggestion. It would ruin their summer and potentially be quite traumatic at that age.

I’m sure I’d cope fine with quarantine by myself but wouldn’t contemplate any circumstances that could even risk it with my two kids unless it was life and death - and they are 12 and 7. Because why would I do that to them and myself?

Much easier for your mum - as an adult - to come to you. Or just m”not see you until another time.

MargosKaftan · 04/05/2021 18:44

As she's double vaccinated, and even if your dcs are asymptomatic carriers of covid, the chances of them infecting her are very slim, and then she wouldn't get sick, has she explained why she wants them to isolate for 10 days? As your dcs won't be vaccinated, is she planning to isolate for 10 days before seeing you, as the bigger risk is her giving it to the dgcs, or is she still acting like she's vulnerable, when she's not now she's vaccinated?

Some people need time to get out of the mindset that they are potential victims of covid. The elderly vaccinated are now only a risk to others, they are no longer the group that need to worry for their own health, but worry about who they pass it on to.

Id leave it this summer. She needs time to get over the fear. She's not ready to be granny again.

MissBattleaxe · 04/05/2021 18:45

If she's fully vaccinated it's much safer for her to travel to you than it is for you to isolate in a hotel with 2 kids for 10 days!

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 04/05/2021 18:45

No way would I do this. She can come to you or it doesn't happen.

picklemewalnuts · 04/05/2021 18:47

What a shame mum, that won't be practical. We'll have to wait til the situation is easier.

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