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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

See mother and maybe ruin children's summer?

123 replies

Yoyoyoyoyoyoy · 04/05/2021 18:29

I live in France with my children, and my mother lives in the UK.

I am absolutely desperate to see her this summer but she doesn't want to travel to France as she thinks it's too risky. Which leaves me with the option of taking my DC (aged 5 and 2) to the UK. DM wants us to do the 10 days isolation before we go to her house, so we'd have to find a place to do that before we go to see her. Just the thought of being cooped up in a hotel or Airbnb flat somewhere for 10 days with my children, especially a very lively and demanding 2 year old, fills me with dread. And it would be rubbish for them to have to go through when they should be out running around and enjoying their summer.

It'll also be quite expensive (I believe about £1200 for the testing for the three of us, plus whatever I can find in the way of accomodation, maybe £100 a night) which I do have the money for, but it'll wipe out my savings. Plus DH can't come as he has to work.

I think what I'm hoping is that I'll be let off the hook; yes I want to see her but I don't want to spend my summer like this. AIBU?

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 04/05/2021 18:48

I understand you want to see her, but the hoops she's expecting you to jump through makes it completely impractical.

Wegobshite · 04/05/2021 18:52

😂 I would just say yes mum I’m isolating tell her you have booked something and then arrive a day or two before you need to see her
Actually I wouldn’t bother I’d she can’t be bothered to visit you then she can’t set demands of what she wants you to to do

baldafrique · 04/05/2021 18:53

Fuck that! She is fully vaccinated so why the 10 day quarantine? That's insane.

Seeline · 04/05/2021 18:57

Leave your DCs with your DH for a weekend, stay in an Air BnB near your mum and just meet her outdoors?

Don't put the kids through that!

MintLampShade · 04/05/2021 18:57

I'd leave it, OP! That's way too much to ask of you with two young children and financially too! I'm in exactly the same situation and very happy that my DM comes to us as I wouldn't be comfortable making the journey with a toddler yet. I don't make her isolate elsewhere though, she will just get the necessary tests which is also much cheaper for her alone than for our whole family if we were to make the trip. I'm desperate to see the extended family though so hopefully we can all travel freely soon! The day can't come soon enough!

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/05/2021 18:59

No. Just - no. And frankly I think she's being very cruel to expect that of you and the children.

MumInBrussels · 04/05/2021 19:00

I've got kids the same age. We're hoping the vaccination campaign will get to us quite soon, and that the travel/testing/quarantine rules for entering the UK will relax over the summer. There is no way we're going back to the UK if we have to quarantine with the kids, unless it's a life and death thing. (My dad's not well, so we've had to give this some thought, sadly.)

But I did ask the British embassy here about the testing requirements to enter the UK - they said children under 5 don't have to be tested (though I understand they do have to quarantine) so it'd be an extra £200 for the tests for you plus whatever the accommodation costs you - not sure about whether your 5 year old needs to be tested or whether they mean 6 and up, though. (I asked for mine and didn't get an answer to that bit...)

Unicornflakegirl · 04/05/2021 19:01

I wouldn't do it, she's vaccinated and it's easier for one person to travel.

I don't think children under 6 need a covid test but you'd need to check that with the UK and French authorities. That aside I would not choose to quarantine with them except in a genuine emergency.

You only need a lateral flow test to get into the UK which seems crazy given how they bang on about the risks of travelling.

I've travelled to the UK recently and am quarantining, I paid €45 for pre travel test and £160 for day 2 and 8 tests.
I will need a PCR to get back home, have booked this as part of a £200 hotel package but could have got it cheaper. Boots do them but don't guarantee the turnaround time.
I didn't bother with day 5 test to release, again due to turnaround time I don't think it is worthwhile. My day 2 results took over 72 hours from time of being posted in a priority box an hour before advertised collection time.
So it might all cost less than you think but not fair on the children, when she could just travel and stay with you.

Nightbear · 04/05/2021 19:01

It’s so unfair of her to ask you to come over and quarantine with a 5 and 2 year old for 10 days when she’s fully vaccinated and could just travel over to see you with no need for quarantine.

SocraticJunkieWannabe · 04/05/2021 19:02

Could you go on your own without the DC (if you really want to see her)?

Melitza · 04/05/2021 19:02

If you book with Ryanair they are offering the Covid tests for day 2 and 8 at £120.00 pp.
I think by August tests may be more simple and less expensive.

Tal45 · 04/05/2021 19:06

If she's been vaccinated and still won't come then I guess she's not too bothered, I'd leave it TBH.

Mulhollandmagoo · 04/05/2021 19:07

Your mum doesn't want to risk coming to you, but is happy for you to take the risk, that would have to be a no from me, imagine you catch it from someone on the way and you feel under the weather, you're trapped in air BnB alone for 10 days with young children (dramatic I know, but just imagine)

It's also not very fair to your kids, a 5 and a 2yo couped up in a hotel or air BnB would be torture for them and you. Has she explicitly said she won't visit you? It makes much more sense for her to visit you guys

LaceyBetty · 04/05/2021 19:07

I love my mum and can't wait to see her, but no way on earth would I do that.

sunsetsand · 04/05/2021 19:09

God no. She's being ridiculous not letting you quarantine with her or coming to you instead.

Sod that

AlmostSummer21 · 04/05/2021 19:11

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

For goodness sake don’t do that with your two kids! What a ridiculous suggestion. It would ruin their summer and potentially be quite traumatic at that age.

I’m sure I’d cope fine with quarantine by myself but wouldn’t contemplate any circumstances that could even risk it with my two kids unless it was life and death - and they are 12 and 7. Because why would I do that to them and myself?

Much easier for your mum - as an adult - to come to you. Or just m”not see you until another time.

traumatic 10 days in as air b&b or hotel?

Catch yourself on!

@Yoyoyoyoyoyoy. Will she not accept it if you do LFT's instead of quarantine?

If your holidays are different to ours, you could do 10 days at a beach location & not quarantine, but just be exceedingly careful IF YOU really want to see your Mum.

She's being a bit demanding, but she may change her mind about the quarantine closer to the time if the numbers in France are low. (Just make sure you book accommodation that you can cancel!)

saraclara · 04/05/2021 19:15

Totally unreasonable of her. I don't understand her thinking at all. That's way too much to ask.

Nightbear · 04/05/2021 19:19

10 days shut in possibly one room with a 2 and 5 year old would definitely be traumatic. To the parent with them at the very least!

Killahangilion · 04/05/2021 19:23

Has you mum said she doesn’t want to risk travelling and when pressed by you for a visit, has agreed that you can visit her if you complete a 10 day isolation period first?

I’m an older parent overseas with adult D.C. and DGC. in the U.K. inc. a new grandbaby.

I’ve not been vaccinated at all yet (very slow here!) and so I won’t be travelling back to the U.K. this summer, even if fully vaccinated. It’s crap but I’m not prepared to take the risk of bringing the virus home with me and infecting people here. We currently have zero cases locally (town with population of 35,000)

Beautiful3 · 04/05/2021 19:24

You would be terrible to do that to your children. I would not do that. I'd offer for her to come to me or.leave it until next year.

lanthanum · 04/05/2021 19:25

If she's worried about flying, note that:

  • planes draw in fresh air from outside so it's not just recirculated air,
  • the air that is recirculated is filtered pretty efficiently,
  • the air conditioning is designed so that air travels vertically - it comes in above you and is drawn out at floor level, so any particulates are most likely to travel downwards rather than between passengers.
Sceptre86 · 04/05/2021 19:26

She doesn't want to see you as much as you do her or she would be more accommodating. Take the hint and have a fun summer with your children. You can make do with videocalling your mum for now. At some point you might want to mention that making effort to meet is a two way street.

CoolCatTaco · 04/05/2021 19:26

I think she's very unreasonable, is she always so rigid? It would be a big fat no from me!! I'd love a couple of weeks in France though, so I think she's mad!

pigsDOfly · 04/05/2021 19:27

For god's sake don't do that. I can't believe anyone would think it reasonable to even ask you.

What on earth are you going to do with two small children cooped up indoors for ten days.

I understand you want to see your mother but this really isn't the way to do it.

It would be so much easier and cheaper for her to come to you and given that she's fully vaccinated would make far more sense.

If she really doesn't want to do the journey, then it makes sense to wait until travel is less restricted.

I'm a few years younger than your mother and like her, fully vaccinated and must be honest, I'm not sure I'd be completely comfortable yet with getting on a plane.

However, if I knew it was very important to my daughter I'd probably bite the bullet and do it. I certainly wouldn't expect her, or anyone, to put themselves through what she's asking of you.

Howshouldibehave · 04/05/2021 19:30

I can’t believe someone would inflict this on their own child and grandchildren-my mum certainly wouldn’t!

No, I wouldn’t be seeing her this year-it would ruin my kids’ summer.