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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU...Husband not included me in will...

119 replies

Anon00001 · 25/10/2020 10:53

Me and my husband have been together 6 years, married for 2 and have a young child. I have recently found out that he has done a sole will over a year ago. He claims it was due to needing one for business insurance purposes and he tried to talk to me at the time but I wasn't interested (if his timing is correct I would have been heavily pregnant and suffering with severe SPD at the time) so he just went ahead and done it. But he has told me that he has left everything to our child and not to me. We have a joint mortgage with joint life insurance that pays the mortgage off if one of us dies and a lump sum too so I assume this would cover me financially if he did pass away? The only separate thing is that he has savings of around £5k. In terms of childcare if we both pass he has put 'across grandparents'. This was always a sticking point for us as I wanted our child to go to my sister, and why we never got a joint will done.
I'm just confused as to how I should feel about this - AIBU to feel hurt and pissed off he's gone behind my back AND excluded me from the will?

OP posts:

slipperywhensparticus · 25/10/2020 10:56

So the house goes to your child? Or just the policy?

MatildaTheCat · 25/10/2020 10:56

YANBU. If he died and the estate went entirely to your DC I believe you’d be able to access funds for caring for the child but when they were 18 they’d then have control of the estate.

Get legal advice and get this sorted out. His excuse stinks.

Ponoka7 · 25/10/2020 10:58

It isn't worth arguing who you want your DD to go to if you died. Both could come forward and SS will do an assessment. They would always have the final say. But that might never happen.

The will is out of order and you can challenge it. It would be better if you could come to an agreement with him, otherwise a lot of money could be wasted on legal fees.

CoRhona · 25/10/2020 10:58

I don't think he can unilaterally decide where your child goes. It's a request not a confirmed legal decision.

lyralalala · 25/10/2020 11:00

Do you own the house as joint tenants or tenants in common? That makes a world of difference.

Given you disagree on what should happen if you both die you must have your wishes noted. You can’t will a child so if your PIL and sister both wanted to be the one a court will decide, but they do take wishes into account so it’s important yours are also recorded.

Who has he made executor? Are they who he wants to control finances if he dies when your child is a minor?

user1497207191 · 25/10/2020 11:01

It sounds like you couldn't agree re childcare etc., and he went ahead anyway because he needed to for other reasons and couldn't wait for several months, maybe years, before you could agree.

Nothing to stop you getting a sole will saying the same and nominating your sister as your child's guardian. If you both die at the same time, it will then be for the courts to decide. Or otherwise it's who dies last whose will will stand re guardianship.

RedHelenB · 25/10/2020 11:01

He probably wants to make sure your child has something if you go on and remarry. Sounds like you'll have the house and money to live on through the insurance policies so I've voted yabu.

lyralalala · 25/10/2020 11:03

You must check the situation on the house. That is massively important.

In one scenario it automatically reverts to sole ownership and in the other you each own, and therefore can will, 50%.

You need to know which it is.

Halliehallie9828 · 25/10/2020 11:06

He tried to talk to you and you didn’t listen. That part is your own fault.

Florencex · 25/10/2020 11:07

If you have the house as joint tenants then you automatically get his share of the house. Does he have many assets other than the house?

He didn't go behind your back, he tried to talk to you about the will. I think you should have discussed it either then or at another time.

Mindymomo · 25/10/2020 11:17

You need to do your own will. I did mine online. You can include that you want your sister to look after your child.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/10/2020 11:22

@Halliehallie9828

He tried to talk to you and you didn’t listen. That part is your own fault.

Huh? She didn't agree. Not the same as not listening.

Cocomarine · 25/10/2020 11:26

How did you just find out about the will?
Is he gaslighting you or did the previous conversation happen? Being pregnant with SPD is not a reason not to have got a will done. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You can sort out financials on a will without mentioning preferred guardians, if you can’t agree on that.

How do you own your house? Assuming you’re Joint Tenants in England, then a £5K legacy to the child wouldn’t bother me if I got the house and insurance. Joint mortgage is not the same as Joint Tenants.

SnowHare · 25/10/2020 11:27

If the house is in joint names (rather than tenants in common where you each own a bit of it) then if he dies the hosue will go to you regardless of what his will says i believe.

Cocomarine · 25/10/2020 11:28

Worrying that you are putting “?” about the terms of your life insurance. You should know that. Whatever the business with the will - go and understand your policy.

Cocomarine · 25/10/2020 11:29

@SnowHare

If the house is in joint names (rather than tenants in common where you each own a bit of it) then if he dies the hosue will go to you regardless of what his will says i believe.

But OP only said the mortgage is joint, so she really needs to check - if she doesn’t know - how she owns the house.

SausagePourHomme · 25/10/2020 11:30

I don't think he can do this can he? he can't with a will your marital asset as it's not 'his' to give away. 50% of that property must belong to you.

In any case if I was you I'd be consulting a solicitor, you will not get reliable legal advice on mumsnet.

Cocomarine · 25/10/2020 11:33

@SausagePourHomme

I don't think he can do this can he? he can't with a will your marital asset as it's not 'his' to give away. 50% of that property must belong to you.

In any case if I was you I'd be consulting a solicitor, you will not get reliable legal advice on mumsnet.

There’s no “must” about it. So you’re right about unreliable legal advice on here 🤣

OP should have already involved a solicitor when she decided upon Joint Tenants or Tenants in Common.

SnowHare · 25/10/2020 11:33

Please don't do a homemade will or online- go to a proper solicitor.

probate law is complicated. If you get it wrong you may accidentally create a full or partial intestacy. (Sadly I got lumbered with being an executor for a will where this happened. It was a fucking disaster to sort out and very very expensive as we needed real specialists to do so).

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/10/2020 11:33

For £6 you can check your house on land registry. I think this will show if you’re joint tenants or tenants in common. I wonder whether he’s severed the joint tenancy.

VividImagination · 25/10/2020 11:34

If you get the house and the lump sum and the child gets 5K then I think YABU.

If the child gets the lot then I would start divorce proceedings now and take half while you’re young.

WB205020 · 25/10/2020 11:34

So many times people are told on MN to make sure their kids are provided for should the other parent remarry in the event of a death. This is what this guy has done and people are saying it’s out of order. Ultimately should he die and OP remarried without provision for their DC should anything happen to OP her new husband would get it all!

I understand why it may have come as a shock and think the way he did it leaves a lot to be desired but ultimately he is protecting his child’s inheritance.

SnowHare · 25/10/2020 11:34

Problem is that half the time people do not know what the difference is between Joint tenants and tenants in common and it may not always be explianed to them properly by their conveyancer.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/10/2020 11:46

@VividImagination

If you get the house and the lump sum and the child gets 5K then I think YABU.

If the child gets the lot then I would start divorce proceedings now and take half while you’re young.

Maybe he really did it for business reasons. You need to check things out before you go off the deep end. Have you read the will?

As for where the children go, that is usually in a statement of wishes rather than included in the will itself. You need to sort out your will and see what your dh planned. And create a statement of wishes that your ds goes to your sister.

msflibble · 25/10/2020 11:46

This is the most insane way to do a will, what is he thinking?

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