AIBU...Husband not included me in will...

[Anon00001]

Me and my husband have been together 6 years, married for 2 and have a young child. I have recently found out that he has done a sole will over a year ago. He claims it was due to needing one for business insurance purposes and he tried to talk to me at the time but I wasn't interested (if his timing is correct I would have been heavily pregnant and suffering with severe SPD at the time) so he just went ahead and done it. But he has told me that he has left everything to our child and not to me. We have a joint mortgage with joint life insurance that pays the mortgage off if one of us dies and a lump sum too so I assume this would cover me financially if he did pass away? The only separate thing is that he has savings of around £5k. In terms of childcare if we both pass he has put 'across grandparents'. This was always a sticking point for us as I wanted our child to go to my sister, and why we never got a joint will done.
I'm just confused as to how I should feel about this - AIBU to feel hurt and pissed off he's gone behind my back AND excluded me from the will?

[Elsewyre]

@Duanphen

Remind him that money going to "a child" is fucking useless unless that child can pay the bills and drive itself to Tesco.

Given that you're married, you'd be able to take legal steps to ensuring your fair share in the event of his death.

Chances are, though, he isn't going to die, and what you have in the here and now is a man who thinks so little of you he wrote you out of his will, in some apparent hope his child would flit about raising itself until it inherited the money at 18, while you were homeless and starved to death.

Or more likley he's not expecting any of this to actually be used untill the child is some 30+ years old...

[Scarlettpixie]

It seems likely that you own the house as joint tenants and the balance of the insurance would also be paid to you but you really do need to check the position.

If the above is true then it is only any remaining assets that would go to your child - savings, car etc. He may just like the idea of putting a few thousand aside for their future which is not unreasonable. Funeral costs would also need to come out of this. Yabu to be upset if he has just left your child a couple of grand and you get the rest.

Check the position and then either make a will yourself or make mirror wills. If he really has left half/all the house/insurance to your child, I would be having a serious discussion. Similarly re who will look after your child. He may be happy to put your sister but just did what the Solicitor suggested.

[Ilovecheese53]

@Halliehallie9828

He tried to talk to you and you didn’t listen. That part is your own fault.

Why did he get married to OP in the first place? The will thing is very odd.

[Runnerduck34]

I would be really pissed off about this, in your situation.
Usually husband and wife to leave everything to each other and if they both die it goes to DC. Its ok to leave some savings or personal belongings direct to DC but not the house or the main bulk of the estate. You need to talk to him and also see a solicitor to get your own will done. If he has left a 50% share of the house to your DC then I think he is being very unfair to you as rightly or wrongly it sounds like he doesnt trust you.
Guardianship is tricky, generally I think they are better with aunts and uncles as they are same generation as mum and dad but everyone's circumstance is different, I would say it should go to the person your child is closet too and is also most likely to be able to care for them. However thankfully it is highly unlikely guardianship would ever be needed.

[lyralalala]

@Screwcorona

Speak to a legal advisor. The answers are all different here.

I'm lead to believe that you will inherit at least 50% of his none jointly owned with you, estate. Plus anything jointly owned them becomes entirely yours. So his will is ill advised.
This is how it works unless theres some sort of prenuptial agreement about assets going on.

That’s only the case if he dies intestate.

There is no automatic inheritance when someone makes a will.

It would be expected, if he was the house breadwinner, that he’d made appropriate provision for his wife, and could be contested if he didn’t, but he can leave his estate to anyone he wants.

Even in Scotland where there are some rights it does not cover half of the estate.

[Screwcorona]

Speak to a legal advisor. The answers are all different here.

I'm lead to believe that you will inherit at least 50% of his none jointly owned with you, estate. Plus anything jointly owned them becomes entirely yours. So his will is ill advised.
This is how it works unless theres some sort of prenuptial agreement about assets going on.

[Faultymain5]

@MiniCooperLover

Never ever trust the remaining spouse to do the right thing by the children in inheritance. So so many times you read of the new re married spouse outliving them and basically the monies bypass the original op children and the step children inherit. Death and remarriage changes people. If you want your kids to get something make it legal! Otherwise forget it.

Everyone seems to think it will happen to other people and not them.

Funny, thing is, it does happen, why take that chance? Cause you trust them? Okay, but you'll be dead so if you're wrong, you've not protected your children with the knowledge this could (not will) happen. Seems simple enough to me.

[Faultymain5]

@shinynewapple2020

I would be horrified if my husband had done this unilaterally.

Honestly . The amount of times I see LTB on here because someone's partner doesn't take the bins out or the OP has unconfirmed suspicions after a 'work' night out. Yet this I see as an absolutely fundamental break in trust . Yet posters are suggesting you are to blame .

I think you need to get proper legal advice as to the exact implications of your DH will, and then talk to him about it .

Posters are saying he's done this to protect his child's inheritance should you remarry - but on separating I would expect him to have a new will drawn up anyway . That would be the time for him to do a unilateral will .

It is worrying as to how he sees your relationship and your joint future that he has done this .

@shinynewapple2020 *Posters are saying he's done this to protect his child's inheritance should you remarry - but on separating I would expect him to have a new will drawn up anyway . That would be the time for him to do a unilateral will .

It is worrying as to how he sees your relationship and your joint future that he has done this .*

This is confusing no-one mentioned separating. They're talking about his death oin their being married. It doesn't indicate anything about how he sees their future.

[whatisgoingtohappen]

Chances are, though, he isn't going to die, and what you have in the here and now is a man who thinks so little of you he wrote you out of his will, in some apparent hope his child would flit about raising itself until it inherited the money at 18, while you were homeless and starved to death.

^ this

One of the reasons I am divorced is because ex refused point blank to talk about wills and life insurance and the house was in his name only.

Now divorced (this was not the only reason - there were many others - but it was part of it), I have my own will in which everything goes to my three dc after they turn 25, and I am also planning to get life insurance to cover the next 10 years...

I can’t tell you how much being able to make those decisions has meant to me.

[EKGEMS]

To you PP who are blaming this woman for "not listening" when her husband supposedly tried to discuss this with her,do you really believe him when he makes this claim? He seems really underhanded and not trustworthy! Get a lawyer to advise you

[Londonmummy66]

Some rather dodgy advice on here - the starting point is that he can leave his assets (but only his assets) to anyone he likes. This includes property held as tenants in common and bank accounts in his sole name etc. However, if his will fails to make adequate provision for you as his wife then you can seek a reallocation of the estate to make adequate financial provision for you as the surviving spouse. In practice you are likely to get his share of the marital home (unless it is disproportionately large) at least for your lifetime and whatever other financial provision the court thinks that you need. In reality in normal financial circumstances these cases don't go to court that often often as most executors will agree to an out of court settlement.

All this is dependent on your husband being English or Welsh.

[Imworthit]

@VividImagination

If you get the house and the lump sum and the child gets 5K then I think YABU.

If the child gets the lot then I would start divorce proceedings now and take half while you’re young.

What a twat! Sane answers only please.

[Duanphen]

Remind him that money going to "a child" is fucking useless unless that child can pay the bills and drive itself to Tesco.

Given that you're married, you'd be able to take legal steps to ensuring your fair share in the event of his death.

Chances are, though, he isn't going to die, and what you have in the here and now is a man who thinks so little of you he wrote you out of his will, in some apparent hope his child would flit about raising itself until it inherited the money at 18, while you were homeless and starved to death.

[merryhouse]

@Skysblue: UNLESS at anytime before he dies the husband send you a message saying “we now hold the house as tenants in common.” If he does that then you own 50% and the other 50% becomes part of his willed legacy

Not actually true. He doesn't need her agreement to the change, but he can't just make a statement: it involves official forms and the Land Registry.

[Topseyt]

@WitchQueenofDarkness

Are you sure there is no trust arrangement in place? It's quite common now in wills for the spouse to be left lifetime access to the estate but no legal ownership of it.

It stops a follow on marriage from disinheriting the deceased spouse's children. I have my own will drawn up like this - my DH will have access to my estate but on his death it will go 100% to my children. If he remarries then my share of our joint assets can't be taken away from my children

DH and I have mirror wills which are set up this way. We had them drawn up about four or five years ago.

I don't want to make any pronouncement on who is or isn't being unreasonable. He needed a will to protect some business interests but for your own reasons you weren't interested in wills at that point.

You now seem to have realised (perhaps a little belatedly) that not joining him in the will making process was a mistake. So what is important is what you both do now. Really, you should both sit down with a good solicitor and make proper and detailed mirror wills, taking into account the wishes of both of you, DH's business, and your joint (hopefully) wishes regarding distribution of your estate. You should also agree who you would like to be appointed legal guardian of your child if you both die while they are still a minor.

He will only be being unreasonable if he refuses to do this now that you have realised your mistake and want to rectify it.

[Oriunda]

You should push to know the exact terms of the will, get a handle on your financial status (ie how/who owns house) and, if you can’t come to agreement with your husband and get his will rewritten, at least get your own will sorted and indicate wishes for guardianship.

Our family home is owned in my husband’s name. He’s left it to my son, which is the norm where he comes from (Napoleonic law) but I have a life interest, with the ability to sell, rent out, or purchase a new property, as long as any benefits derived are for my son and any new property is bought for son’s benefit. I am absolutely fine with that.

I have my own plan b, which is sufficient funds from my own house sale (bought before knowing husband) and any subsequent property I buy (in my name only) will also be left to my son.

Our wills are written in trust, naming both of us plus my brother as executors. I also have my own life insurance, again written in trust for my son (takes it outside inheritance tax).

Always have a plan b if you can. Know your financial status, do an audit, check your pension fund expression of wishes etc and, harsh as it may sound, never trust your spouse to do the right thing by your children if you die and they remarry. People change, or forget to write new wills, or change wills in favour of a new spouse. Only way to protect your children is to get it in your will.

[GenderApostate19]

It seems like the sensible thing to leave your half of a marital home in trust to kids instead of all to your partner but it can cause serious problems not least if a child needs means tested benefits, divorces or goes bankrupt - it can mean a house sale can be forced and the spouse’s life interest means nothing.
If you want children to inherit a decent sum then surely a life insurance policy with them as beneficiary is the way to go?
We were going to put a property trust in our wills but decided against it due to reading horror stories.
We already had an additional life policy so changed the beneficiary to DD, that way she gets £80k should one of us die.

[lyralalala]

@Nottherealslimshady

He can only will away 50% of your marital assets. He cant give your share of the house away so it would mean you own 50% and your child owns 50%. I know a couple of people who've done this but one was due to later marriage, his widow owns 50% of the house and can stay in it till she dies, his daughter owns the other half. When widow dies she gives her 50% of sale of house to her family and his 50% goes to his daughter. The other was due to an abusive father and the dying mother wanted to make sure her son had something. His Dad stayed in the house till he died then the son inherited the full amount and evicted his new girlfriend. If father had married then son would have got his mothers 50% only.

But in your situation, a young family with a child together, his decisions are ridiculous. It sounds like he just rushed it though. I think you need to redo one together and actually get advice if he's wanting to protect his assets from a future marriage or children with another man.

If he refuses to redo his will and you still want to stay with him then you'll be able to contest his will giving everything to your kid when he dies. And you need to write your own will stating who you want to care for your child in the event of both your deaths. Social services will make the final decision between sharing custody between 2+ sets of elderly grandparents vs your sister who I'm guessing is around the same age as you and has or will have children of her own around a similar age.

This is incorrect.

He can will away all of his assets however he wants.

Given that the OP seems unsure how their purchase and insurance was set up you have no clue how it was set up.

If they each own 50% then he can will away 50%. If he owns more then he can will away more. If he owns it all (joint mortgage is not the same as joint ownership) he can will away it all.

You also mention contesting his will as if that is easy, quick and not eye-wateringly expensive.

[monkeymonkey2010]

he chose to ONLY mention the will ONCE - when you were ill whilst heavily pregnant......sounds to me like he deliberately manipulated the whole situation to ensure his assets stayed his^.
He's deliberately cut you out/not provided for you in the will AND left you in a financially more vulnerable position.

This wasn't an accident or mistake on his part - so don't let him fool you again.
First it was an 'honest mistake' and now he says he did it 'to protect his business/company'....

You need to get independent legal advice and get all this sorted....especially as to how 'wills' affect YOU if you divorced at any point.
As it stands, if he's decided to legally tie up his business assets like this, then it means despite YOU contributing towards the success/assets of the company over the years by the support you will have provided which enabled him to work - in the event of a divorce or death you will be financially penalised and cheated out of your fair share.

Don't let him make a mug of you OP

[Cocomarine]

@Mumbum2011

If you were pregnant at the time, I'm wondering if he can leave something in his will to an unborn child?

Yes you can - you don’t have to name individuals, just refer in the correct way to them, which covers even children not yet conceived.

[Mumbum2011]

If you were pregnant at the time, I'm wondering if he can leave something in his will to an unborn child?

[AuldSpookySewers]

YAB extremely U.

You should have sorted getting your wills drawn up when your husband first suggested it instead of making silly excuses to ignore the issue.

Are you assuming that it’s something only retired folk need to do?

I’ve two friends who’s husbands died unexpectedly leaving them young widows with children. Luckily, both of their husbands had proper wills and life insurance sorted so they’ve both been ok. My nephew on the other hand, less so. He was the higher earner (not by much) so they only bought life insurance for him. His wife died suddenly and he had to borrow money off his retired parents to cover the mortgages costs in the short term.

Getting wills drawn up and finances sorted is something you should prioritise when you have your first child. Your husband appears to be the sensible one in your relationship.

[Cocomarine]

@Nottherealslimshady that’s incorrect. For all we know, this man owns 90% of the house as Tenants in Common. In which case he can certainly leave that in his will to someone other than the OP. Or, it is Joint Tenants, in which case he can’t leave it to anyone anyway, as it’s not his sole asset.

50% of a marital asset isn’t a thing. It doesn’t just happen. It will have been set up via a solicitor, following correct legal protocol.

You can’t just say to the OP that he can will away 50%.

[Nottherealslimshady]

He can only will away 50% of your marital assets. He cant give your share of the house away so it would mean you own 50% and your child owns 50%. I know a couple of people who've done this but one was due to later marriage, his widow owns 50% of the house and can stay in it till she dies, his daughter owns the other half. When widow dies she gives her 50% of sale of house to her family and his 50% goes to his daughter. The other was due to an abusive father and the dying mother wanted to make sure her son had something. His Dad stayed in the house till he died then the son inherited the full amount and evicted his new girlfriend. If father had married then son would have got his mothers 50% only.

But in your situation, a young family with a child together, his decisions are ridiculous. It sounds like he just rushed it though. I think you need to redo one together and actually get advice if he's wanting to protect his assets from a future marriage or children with another man.

If he refuses to redo his will and you still want to stay with him then you'll be able to contest his will giving everything to your kid when he dies. And you need to write your own will stating who you want to care for your child in the event of both your deaths. Social services will make the final decision between sharing custody between 2+ sets of elderly grandparents vs your sister who I'm guessing is around the same age as you and has or will have children of her own around a similar age.

[Jux]

OK, so you had SPD when he tried to talk to you about it and he had to do it for work purposes. Put that in the past, he did what he could at the time, but things are different now and you are back in your right mind and thinking clearly so can have the conversation sensibly now.

Talk now. There are things in the Will which aren't helpful to you and with which you disagree and would prefer to get them out. You can now highlight your differences and talk them through reasonably and rationally over a period of time - it doesn't need to be done and dusted right now this minute does it?

Take your time. If either of you starts feeling irritated or defensive about these things (particularly about what happens to your child if you both die), then take a break of a few days.

The most important thing is to listen to each respectfully and properly and consider solutions from every angle you can think of.