AIBU...Husband not included me in will...

[Anon00001]

Me and my husband have been together 6 years, married for 2 and have a young child. I have recently found out that he has done a sole will over a year ago. He claims it was due to needing one for business insurance purposes and he tried to talk to me at the time but I wasn't interested (if his timing is correct I would have been heavily pregnant and suffering with severe SPD at the time) so he just went ahead and done it. But he has told me that he has left everything to our child and not to me. We have a joint mortgage with joint life insurance that pays the mortgage off if one of us dies and a lump sum too so I assume this would cover me financially if he did pass away? The only separate thing is that he has savings of around £5k. In terms of childcare if we both pass he has put 'across grandparents'. This was always a sticking point for us as I wanted our child to go to my sister, and why we never got a joint will done.
I'm just confused as to how I should feel about this - AIBU to feel hurt and pissed off he's gone behind my back AND excluded me from the will?

You say you weren’t interested when he tried to talk to you, so you can’t be pissed off that he made a will anyway. Your disinterest at the time doesn’t mean that the need to make his will just went away, nor does the fact that you couldn’t agree on what to put on a joint will.

It sounds like the house will be yours if he dies, and you’re provided for through insurance. It’s fine for him to want to leave what he can to his child, that’s normal. Is it only the £5k that is ring fenced for your dd? If so, I couldn’t get worked up about it. If that’s all the savings he has then some of it would be paying for funeral expenses before it goes to a beneficiary anyway.

Nobody can tell you the contents of, or the consequences of your DH’s will. Ask your DH.

I believe that the birth of a child invalidates a previous will - I am in Scotland and we were told this when we made ours.

@Chloemol

You can’t have a joint will, you both need to make individual wills. The 5k savings is immaterial, it will cost that for a funeral

You need to take legal advice, as you say you have a joint mortgage then I assume the property is in both names, therefore only his half would transfer to your child

I think the term is a mirror will. Where they basically say the same stuff but for each other. Would probably need to talk to DH about DS’s guardianship beforehand though.

@NailsNeedDoing

You say you weren’t interested when he tried to talk to you, so you can’t be pissed off that he made a will anyway. Your disinterest at the time doesn’t mean that the need to make his will just went away, nor does the fact that you couldn’t agree on what to put on a joint will.

It sounds like the house will be yours if he dies, and you’re provided for through insurance. It’s fine for him to want to leave what he can to his child, that’s normal. Is it only the £5k that is ring fenced for your dd? If so, I couldn’t get worked up about it. If that’s all the savings he has then some of it would be paying for funeral expenses before it goes to a beneficiary anyway.

It doesn't remotely sound like the house will be yours. there is no detail in how the house is owned in the OP so there can be no way of knowing.

If they own as tenants in common then the child will inherit her DH's share.

@Nicketynac

I believe that the birth of a child invalidates a previous will - I am in Scotland and we were told this when we made ours.

I know a marriage does, but not sure about kids.

@Nicketynac

I believe that the birth of a child invalidates a previous will - I am in Scotland and we were told this when we made ours.

It only impacts wills in Scotland because of the automatic inheritance rights to the movable estate that children can have. That's not the case elsewhere in the UK.

This was always a sticking point for us as I wanted our child to go to my sister, and why we never got a joint will done.

You wouldn't have agreed with what he wanted in his will so he got one done to protect his children and you are mad.

What exactly did you expect him to do?

I would be horrified if my husband had done this unilaterally.

Honestly . The amount of times I see LTB on here because someone's partner doesn't take the bins out or the OP has unconfirmed suspicions after a 'work' night out. Yet this I see as an absolutely fundamental break in trust . Yet posters are suggesting you are to blame .

I think you need to get proper legal advice as to the exact implications of your DH will, and then talk to him about it .

Posters are saying he's done this to protect his child's inheritance should you remarry - but on separating I would expect him to have a new will drawn up anyway . That would be the time for him to do a unilateral will .

It is worrying as to how he sees your relationship and your joint future that he has done this .

i would have expected him to be upfront about everything- not sneak off and let the op find out some months later.

he doesnt sound like hes trying to protect you as a family.

"Posters are saying he's done this to protect his child's inheritance should you remarry - but on separating I would expect him to have a new will drawn up anyway . That would be the time for him to do a unilateral will . "

He doesn't have chance to do a new will before the op remarries if he's died, so his will has to reflect what he wants to happen with his assets if he were to die tomorrow.

You can get wills done at the same time and are evry similar yet not have exactly the same provisions in it. It is really common.

OP- ask him about it. Find out (if you do not know already) how the property is held - joint tenants or tenants in common- then go and get a will of your own. Every person needs a will that is valid and drawn up properly and you need to be aware that you should change or update your will to reflect your changing circumstances.

By childcare do you Mean guardian?

I am really surprised that a solicitor allowed your husband to draw up a will appointing guardianship without your input.

In your place I would seek legal advice both on your rights in the event of your husbands death, and the standing of the guardianship within this will of you don’t agree with it.

There is a big trust issue here if you husband believes he can do something so huge that he knows you don’t agree with.

There is nothing to stop you drawing up a will leaving guardianship to your sister - however should you both die at the same time you will have two different set of instructions about the children’s care.

You need legal advice on how this would play out.

Are you sure there is no trust arrangement in place? It's quite common now in wills for the spouse to be left lifetime access to the estate but no legal ownership of it.

It stops a follow on marriage from disinheriting the deceased spouse's children. I have my own will drawn up like this - my DH will have access to my estate but on his death it will go 100% to my children. If he remarries then my share of our joint assets can't be taken away from my children

@WitchQueenofDarkness

Are you sure there is no trust arrangement in place? It's quite common now in wills for the spouse to be left lifetime access to the estate but no legal ownership of it.

It stops a follow on marriage from disinheriting the deceased spouse's children. I have my own will drawn up like this - my DH will have access to my estate but on his death it will go 100% to my children. If he remarries then my share of our joint assets can't be taken away from my children

Really good idea, that.

@Ideasplease322

By childcare do you Mean guardian?

I am really surprised that a solicitor allowed your husband to draw up a will appointing guardianship without your input.

In your place I would seek legal advice both on your rights in the event of your husbands death, and the standing of the guardianship within this will of you don’t agree with it.

There is a big trust issue here if you husband believes he can do something so huge that he knows you don’t agree with.

The solicitor will allow it because stating in your will who you'd like to care for your children is simply a statement of wishes.

You can't will your children so if there is a disagreement then SS and the courts will decide what is best for the children at the time.

Also the solicitor's responsibility is to the client sitting in front of them- not the client's wife (unless she too is a client)

My grandfather died when my uncle was just 18. My grandmother remarried a younger widower who had his own children. My uncle would have been left with nothing if his aunt had not fought for him to be given a small share from the sale of the family home. I think leaving money to a child directly is a good decision.

re this
can't he make a will that dc inherits his part of house after your death & to preserve this right & if you remarry his half of the house is put in trust
for the dc?
As many pp state you need to go to solicitor
& than discuss other possibilities
Does he realize that his dc could sell the house over your head or take a loan out on it?

@Ideasplease322

There is nothing to stop you drawing up a will leaving guardianship to your sister - however should you both die at the same time you will have two different set of instructions about the children’s care.

You need legal advice on how this would play out.

Social services and the courts would decide.

Putting your wishes into your will never guarantees what will happen to your children as they cannot be willed.

If there is disagreement then the wishes will be considered, but ultimately they will decide who is best placed at the time to look after the children.

@WitchQueenofDarkness

Are you sure there is no trust arrangement in place? It's quite common now in wills for the spouse to be left lifetime access to the estate but no legal ownership of it.

It stops a follow on marriage from disinheriting the deceased spouse's children. I have my own will drawn up like this - my DH will have access to my estate but on his death it will go 100% to my children. If he remarries then my share of our joint assets can't be taken away from my children

This is also becoming more common to protect inheritance from care home fees for the second person (the morality of that is a whole other issue).

question to pp
What if op doesn't remarry but eventually needs support/health care
Would the county be able to ignore trust in will taking it as an avoidance?
Or if its a big house & op wants to move to something like a bungalow?

However if parents have different guardians in their wills then it is up to true named guardians to come to some agreement.

Solicitors usually advice parents to discuss this to ensure they don’t leave a huge problem

This is usually an issue for divorced parents.

A potential issue arises if the parents each choose different guardians. In the above example, Jane has appointed her sister Charlotte, but Charlotte will not be guardian unless the children’s father Samuel dies before the children reach 18. However, what if Samuel decided in his Will to appoint his brother Matthew as guardian, and then Samuel dies? On Samuel’s death, both Jane’s appointment of Charlotte and Samuel’s appointment of Matthew will come into effect. The two guardians must then agree on all matters relating to the children’s education and upbringing. Should they disagree, the matter will have to be referred to the Court.

To avoid difficulties it is highly advisable that parents discuss guardians with each other and try to coordinate who they appoint – even if they are no longer a couple

@mumwon

question to pp What if op doesn't remarry but eventually needs support/health care Would the county be able to ignore trust in will taking it as an avoidance? Or if its a big house & op wants to move to something like a bungalow?

All depends on the detail of the trust and is why very specialised advice should be taken.

One of MIL's friends has had to spend thousands in legal fees because of a badly drawn up trust that meant she needed agreement of her son and two step-children to sell and move into a different house. Her son didn't want that to happen and in the end forced her into court over it.