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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband pretended to ejaculate - WWYD

119 replies

mrsblobbywalrus · 04/06/2020 20:17

NC for what I’m hoping are obvious reasons. This is fairly mortifying but I would really, really like some input and don’t want to discuss with friends as they know DH and don’t want to embarrass him.

I’m heavily pregnant. Usually DH and I have a great sex life, if a bit predictable (but we are both happy with that and that’s married life with children)! Currently as v pregnant and resemble Mrs Blobby, sex is probably every 2 weeks, so not frequent. It’s very formulaic - bit of foreplay to sort me out/fiddle with him, then fairly quick penetrative sex. All over quickly but everyone happy and satisfied and then we go to sleep. All fine.

Yesterday, during the foreplay, DH very clearly finished in his pants. He then, for reasons I just don’t understand, decided to pretend that this wasn’t the case, essentially thumbing in a semi and pretending to then finish inside me 30 seconds later. I obviously just went along with the charade.

I consider DH to be my best friend. We talk about anything (if anything I’m quite irritating and like to over-talk stuff, hence wanting the input from you fine people) - but I am not sure if this is something I just avoid like the plague/pretend didn’t happen so as not to embarrass....OR if I should be concerned that he didn’t want to tell me about it. He never hides things from me. Is this just embarrassment?

It’s worth mentioning (although I now sound insane) that during the foreplay time, over lockdown probably, he has tried to stop me from touching him at the same time. This makes me wonder If this is related and perhaps a bit more of an issue...but caused by what?

Enabled voting for YABU - do NOT speak to him
YANBU - ask if everything is ok etc/why he didn’t feel he could talk to you

I’m so sorry for the content of the post!

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 04/06/2020 20:20

Why didn’t you say something at the time? I couldn’t have let him ‘thumb in a semi’ (shudder) - that would’ve made me feel ill.

Ohnoherewego62 · 04/06/2020 20:22

Is he getting off quicker than usual? Do you think maybe he was embarrassed by the fact it had all gone off sooner than expected?

Splitsunrise · 04/06/2020 20:23

Yeah why didn’t you say anything?

Did he not want you to touch him previously because he’d worry he’d come early?

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 04/06/2020 20:24

Yeah I think the best time would've been there and then but as you didn't go for it then I'd probably just start a 'you know you can tell me anything' thing.

Original poster
mrsblobbywalrus · 04/06/2020 20:25

@Merryoldgoat

I wasn’t really sure. I mean I could quite clearly feel his penis ejaculating in his pants but I was waiting for him to say something. When he then went for sex I assumed I was mistaken, but it became abundantly clear I was not! And then I was just embarrassed because he had pretended!

@ohnoherewego62

I think it’s getting progressively quicker, yes. But why?

OP posts:
Obviouspretzel · 04/06/2020 20:25

Why would that make you feel ill? And why is it obvious you would go along with the charade? You should have just said something then.

Original poster
mrsblobbywalrus · 04/06/2020 20:25

Did he not want you to touch him previously because he’d worry he’d come early?

Must be. But this is all very recent as we’ve been together 7 years and that has simply never been an issue until these past months

OP posts:
MegaClutterSlut · 04/06/2020 20:26

tbh if sex was every 2 weeks for me and dh, it would be over quickly too Blush

He's probably just embarrassed about it

Splitsunrise · 04/06/2020 20:26

Maybe because he finds pregnant women a massive turn on? Blush who knows!

Original poster
mrsblobbywalrus · 04/06/2020 20:26

Why would that make you feel ill? And why is it obvious you would go along with the charade?

I haven’t mentioned feeling ill?

Obviously as in “as is evident by my writing this sorry post”

OP posts:
BestestBrownies · 04/06/2020 20:27

If you don’t bring this up with him now, it will become a huge ‘thing’ that you have to pretend and he deluded himself that you haven’t noticed.

Nip it in the bud now (kindly, by talking to him), before your sex life looks like this forever.

Original poster
mrsblobbywalrus · 04/06/2020 20:27

So people think I don’t say anything now? Maybe try for sex again tonight to see if it’s all ok now?

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsblobbywalrus · 04/06/2020 20:28

@BestestBrownies

How would you phrase to be kind?

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsblobbywalrus · 04/06/2020 20:31

I just feel mortified that he made the decision to go through with some sort of theatrical sex rather than just say he had finished

OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 04/06/2020 20:31

I wouldst over think, he came quickly and was embarrassed. See what happens next time.

BestestBrownies · 04/06/2020 20:32

I don’t know his personality or what approach would work best. Only you do.

Just say you’ve noticed and ask what’s wrong. In my experience straight and to the point is the most effective

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 04/06/2020 20:32

yes, try again, after all. if it doesn't go well, a post-coital "everyone on MN said..."should go down an absolute treat Hmm

DisappearingGirl · 04/06/2020 20:33

Assuming it's a one off and not a regular problem, I'd honestly just leave it! He was probably embarrassed or didn't want to disappoint you!

Josette77 · 04/06/2020 20:33

He was obviously embarrassed. I would let it go.

heartsonacake · 04/06/2020 20:33

Don’t mention it to him; you’d just embarrass him. He clearly didn’t want to acknowledge it so I don’t understand why you’d want to bring it up Confused

If it becomes an issue, then maybe address it.

Moaningmeanie · 04/06/2020 20:35

Maybe he didn't want to disappoint you and ruin the moment?

HotPenguin · 04/06/2020 20:35

You are massively over thinking this, he was probably embarrassed and didn't want to let you down. Two adults don't need to tell each other every tiny detail of their lives, let him have his privacy. You're making this into a big relationship issue when it's really not. If it really bothers you then just say something next time.

Mummyshark2018 · 04/06/2020 20:36

I agree with this He was obviously embarrassed. I would let it go.

DamnYankee · 04/06/2020 20:36

YABU.
One time does not mean your "sex life will be like this forever." That's way too dramatic! You know that with a new baby your sex life is going to change yet again...and soon!

If it keeps happening (maybe twice more), then talk about it.

Egghead68 · 04/06/2020 20:38

Well i’d discuss it with him (out of curiosity not blaming or anything).

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