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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband pretended to ejaculate - WWYD

119 replies

mrsblobbywalrus · 04/06/2020 20:17

NC for what I’m hoping are obvious reasons. This is fairly mortifying but I would really, really like some input and don’t want to discuss with friends as they know DH and don’t want to embarrass him.

I’m heavily pregnant. Usually DH and I have a great sex life, if a bit predictable (but we are both happy with that and that’s married life with children)! Currently as v pregnant and resemble Mrs Blobby, sex is probably every 2 weeks, so not frequent. It’s very formulaic - bit of foreplay to sort me out/fiddle with him, then fairly quick penetrative sex. All over quickly but everyone happy and satisfied and then we go to sleep. All fine.

Yesterday, during the foreplay, DH very clearly finished in his pants. He then, for reasons I just don’t understand, decided to pretend that this wasn’t the case, essentially thumbing in a semi and pretending to then finish inside me 30 seconds later. I obviously just went along with the charade.

I consider DH to be my best friend. We talk about anything (if anything I’m quite irritating and like to over-talk stuff, hence wanting the input from you fine people) - but I am not sure if this is something I just avoid like the plague/pretend didn’t happen so as not to embarrass....OR if I should be concerned that he didn’t want to tell me about it. He never hides things from me. Is this just embarrassment?

It’s worth mentioning (although I now sound insane) that during the foreplay time, over lockdown probably, he has tried to stop me from touching him at the same time. This makes me wonder If this is related and perhaps a bit more of an issue...but caused by what?

Enabled voting for YABU - do NOT speak to him
YANBU - ask if everything is ok etc/why he didn’t feel he could talk to you

I’m so sorry for the content of the post!

OP posts:
Jenasaurus · 04/06/2020 21:06

You say you initiated it this time, maybe he didnt want to dissappoint you in that case

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/06/2020 21:07

Um yeah if we only do it infrequently (e.g. in pregnancy) it can be quick and frankly not helpful if try and "fiddle" with him. Honestly? Dont make a deal of it.

MashedSpud · 04/06/2020 21:07

Not a big deal unless it's happening every time.

I'd let it go.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/06/2020 21:08

It's not bad but some blokes just get bit pent up and if they don't like to self service then....well.

Ghostlyglow · 04/06/2020 21:08

Don't say anything now.

Original poster
mrsblobbywalrus · 04/06/2020 21:09

I was hoping for more of a clear answer - it’s very 50/50 at the moment

OP posts:
Graffitiqueen · 04/06/2020 21:11

I wouldn't say anything unless it happens frequently. He's probably mortified.

howlatthetrees · 04/06/2020 21:14

I wouldn’t say anything

heartsonacake · 04/06/2020 21:18

He just hasn’t been initiating. I initiated yesterday and the previous times.

It could be because you’re heavily pregnant. You’re not only visually very different but your partner will be thinking of you differently too.

Being pregnant has probably changed a lot about you for him, and I don’t mean negatively. Having sex knowing there’s a baby right there can be hard for a lot of men.

TinyPigeon · 04/06/2020 21:19

I wouldn't say anything as he was obviously embarrassed in the moment. Sometimes with age men can get quicker I think? If you want to raise the subject I would ask him why he won't let you "fiddle" with him any more during foreplay.

SteveTheSpiderPlantKiller · 04/06/2020 21:19

I think you shouldn't bring it up now, the moment to talk about it was then.

Wait and see what happens next. If you make an issue out of it it is more likely to become a problem.

We all have times we orgasm quicker than expected.

Porcupineinwaiting · 04/06/2020 21:19

Why would you say anything if it's a one-off? Sometimes sex is better than other times, unless there is a reoccurring problem or issue you dont need to critique his performance.

Original poster
mrsblobbywalrus · 04/06/2020 21:22

@heartsonacake

I’m totally fine with that - of course he might feel differently. I get that! It’s just that last pregnancy and always he is someone who can perform on command - even at 40 weeks when we just wanted the sperm to help induce labour naturally! He was totally able to just perform on cue and do it daily etc even then. It was even a joke we had/have about his ability. He has never ever had any sort of problem in bed. I suppose I’m just worried it’s an underlying thing

OP posts:
Sunnydays123456 · 04/06/2020 21:22

Are you worried re the work thing ?

I don’t think in itself it’s a big deal at all but you seem More worried about the trust issue (ie that he didn’t confide in you )?

Original poster
mrsblobbywalrus · 04/06/2020 21:26

@Sunnydays123456

I’m not really worried about the work thing; it’s more of a fleeting thought I had about why he might have changed In this sexual way over lockdown

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsblobbywalrus · 04/06/2020 21:28

I’m just a bit confused as to why he felt the need to pretend he hadn’t finished. I do understand being embarrassed but it’s just so clear when it’s a man I mean there is sperm all over the place etc and you lose your erection. Surely easiest to just admit it!

OP posts:
suggestionsplease1 · 04/06/2020 21:28

I think @babybrainjane has got it down pat from a likely blow by blow account of what happened. To be honest I wouldn't sweat it or you'll add more pressure to the situation. It's not a biggie, he's just trying to save a wee bit of face.

heartsonacake · 04/06/2020 21:31

I suppose I’m just worried it’s an underlying thing

It’s happened once, it’s not an underlying thing until it’s happened several times.

heartsonacake · 04/06/2020 21:31

And yes, I think if you mention it you’ll turn it into an issue and it will reoccur because he’ll be worried about it.

suggestionsplease1 · 04/06/2020 21:34

Don't take this the wrong way OP but it clearly is a little bit of a deal for you, as you're talking about it on here, trying to get to the bottom of it. Now that concern might be inadvertently/ unintentionally being conveyed to him, even if you're not saying anything, just through slight differences in your reactions, body language at the time etc. which may make him more likely to try a cover up.. because he thinks you think it's a deal...

Ipadipod · 04/06/2020 21:35

If you don’t know whether to mention this or how to broach it , it’s probably better to say nothing rather than make it into a ‘thing’.

MamaFirst · 04/06/2020 21:36

Definitely embarrassed and you should absolutely not say anything at this point. Agreed every two weeks it's no wonder at all he finishes so quickly! I'm sure everything will return to normal once you're not pregnant anymore and sex life returns to normal. Let this one go.

Egghead68 · 04/06/2020 21:38

How is your relationship in general?

Have there been any issues after the flirting with a work colleague?

Ellapaella · 04/06/2020 21:38

Surely he's finishing quicker because he isn't having sex very often?!
and he isn't initiating perhaps because he doesn't want you to think he's pestering you while you are pregnant/tired etc? I don't think there's a massive issue here personally but personally I would talk to him about it if it happens again.

BluebellForest836 · 04/06/2020 21:39

Probably embarrassed.
I’m don’t know why he thought having 30 seconds of sex was going to improve the quality of sex though.