To open a cafe?

[turnandfacethenamechange]

Its nearly five am here and I'm still awake fretting about everything.

So I thought now might be a good time to open that sandwich bar I've always dreamed of owning.

While it has the distinct drawback of being entirely imaginary, that does mean shelf life, kitchen space and profit margins are less of a concern.

Here's the menu:

BREKKIE: served til 11am.

• In a large soft white or granary bap: Sausage, bacon or fried egg (red or brown sauce). Opinion to add mushrooms, cooked tomatoes and a hash brown.
• Vegan brekkie wrap (tofu scramble, tofurkey sausage, red peppers).

LUNCH
Available on basic sliced, thick-cut, in baguette or in wrap or panini where practical; all with optional salad:

• chicken/ham/roast beef salad
• chicken, bacon and avo
• chicken mayo and sweetcorn
• coronation chicken
• roast beef, horseradish, watercress
• corned beef and mustard
• ham and tomato
• brie, cranberry and bacon
• B, L, T
• bacon and avo
• smoked salmon and cream cheese
• dill trout in lemon mayo
• tuna mayo
• tuna salad (tuna mayo with chopped peppers, red onion and sweetcorn)
• seafood cocktail
• prawn in Marie rose
• egg mayo
• boiled egg and tomato
• cheddar and salad (pickle?)
• brie and cranberry
• mozerella and mixed roast veg
• pesto, mozerella, pine nuts and tomato
• cream cheese, pineapple and cucumber
• peanut butter and banana
• marmite and cucumber
• tapinade, grated carrot and salad
• hummus salad
• tofu (vegan) mayo with capers
• curried chickpea smash

I can add a sprinkling of ready salted crisps from the big bowl on the counter for an extra 15p.

TODAY'S HOT SPECIALS:

• Shark Bap (deep fried battered dogfish pieces in a bap with homemade tartare sauce)
• Pumpkin Pasty

Usual enigma variations of coffee. Milk; moo, oat or soy. Hot chocolate. Cold drinks in the fridge behind you.

What can I get you?

Bakedpotato since its an imaginary cafe I'd say a virtual delivery-dog would be ideal! So yes please, we'll take him for tomorrow (if available).

Ellmau Fabulous, yes please!

So tomorrow we'll have a team of three Burmese Mountain dogs (2 in the flesh, 1 virtual) doing deliveries and my Basset and Errol's sausage dog cuddling up together at the cafe.

Reckon the OP'll be pretty darned impressed when she wakes up and realises how well we've been looking after the place!

three Burmese Mountain dogs

No... we don't need the unique skills of Burmese Mountain dogs

www.burmesemountaindog.org

Reckon the OP'll be pretty darned impressed when she wakes up and realises how well we've been looking after the place!

Or she may think it's gone to the dogs...

I've just caught up and I'm ravenous. Could you send one of the hounds with a hot veggie sausage on sourdough with mushrooms and onions chutney? If the dog comes to the back they can jump onto the conservatory roof and I'll put payment in the bag. I'd better take another brownie too, the first was delicious. And two mini treacle tarts. And a couple of veggie samosas.

Just don't wake the baby.

The OP did say the brekkie was available until 11am but didn't specify the time zone - it's always before 11am somewhere

This is excellent. Excellent work everyone.

Come in, come in the tea is hot, the toast is crusty and the jacket potatoes are already in the oven. Bernese and Newfies happen to be some of my favourite doggos and are extremely responsible and good at swimming so international deliveries arent a problem.

Today we have special cacao hot chocolate with cashew milk and smoked salmon and broccoli quiches.

Shove over there errolsausage I want to sit and drink my coffee before it gets too busy. I've trodden on a bee so I need to keep at least one foot up.

OP, thank you for this wonderful thread,
It reminds me of 5 years ago, Easter as it happens, when my DSis and I were in Australia visiting our DBro. Where they live has the most beautiful river walk which leads down to a small riverside cafe. Opens at 7am, even on Easter Sunday. Gangs of lycra clad men congregate there along with crumbly jet lagged poms to consume avo (with 3 'r's) on sourdough toast with crispy bacon - divine!, and the Ozzie equivilant of our scone (or scon) which is more like a rockcake. After climbling over the men with our orders (the cafes are quite small), we would sit outside and watch the early morning sun glitter on the beautiful river. Happy Days! (although I don't recall any dog delivery services, they would have been fab too).
I'll have an americano with my avo/bacon toast and scone please.

Oh......errrrrr.....just serve someone else whilst I decide what I want [squints at menu]

A good morning from sunny North East England. Just toast and tea today and a comfy chair. I brought the newspaper so I’ll leave it for next person when I’m done.

Errrrrrrr.....

Have you actually trodden on a bee in RL @turnandfacethenamechange?

You can see I really struggle sometimes with the concept of imagination/reality DH calls me Father Dougal Lockdown is making it worse. I spent a few minutes seconds the other day trying to remember if penguins really existed or were just imaginary/mythical like unicorns.

Your place sounds great!

If I have a fried egg bap, would you be able to make the yolk brick hard? I realise I'm in the minority, but you have to cater for quirks! I won't have sauce on it either, just salt.

Anyone else like their food dry as a bone?

'If I have a fried egg bap'

Love an egg banjo

Can I order one too please but runny for complete banjo effect

toastie of brie, caramelised onion chutney and parma ham on sourdough

this has actually killed me.
It sounds delicious and I don't have any of the ingredients except chutney.

Do you think a trip to Asda for brie and ham is essential shopping?

On a brighter note, I can offer my springer spaniel, he is fast, and quite well trained.
only problem is he ate a WHOLE, just cooked chocolate banana bread yesterday, so he may not be trustworthy round cake....

Can I have a veggie breakfast bap please? So your tofurkey sausage, egg and a cheeky hash brown on the side, with some brown sauce, please. And a cup of tea.

Can you do smoked salmon and cream cheese bagels too please? With some chives/capers.

AND

Whilst we're at it. I hope this cafe is licenced as that would be perfectly accompanied by a glass of ice cold prosecco.

I’ll have a chip buttie on a white bloomer, with butter and ketchup please. And a large double shot Americano. Everything else I can make at home, and our excellent local baker is open for sourdough et al, but all the local chippies are shut and McCains is not the same as chippy chips.
Exactly what size is this cafe btw? I know you said it was big enough, but even the largest room starts to seem small once it has a Newfoundland or two in it.

I'm very sorry @Steppemum - if it helps I don't any of the ingredients either except sourdough. I'm living vicariously through this cafe

The dogs are basking and playing on their beach between their rounds, swimming if they like it. Obviously.

The dachshund doesn't swim, nor does he steal food - not because he wouldn't like to but simply because he can't reach. He's trained DH out of leaving half drunk tea and coffee mugs on the floor though.

I brought the newspaper so I’ll leave it for next person when I’m done

Best avoided if you ask me. I'll take the soduko though (the easy one).

Yes I did tread on a bee. I think it came off worse but I have a huge itchy lump on the bottom of my foot!

Mind your bum Newfie, hot coffee!

Any vegans in? I think I've just made the best vegan pizza in the whole world.

Do you have homemade coleslaw? I'll have a fresh crusty baguette with cheese, salad and coleslaw. Some crisps and a Diet Coke with ice

WeBuilt AKA Dougal - you sound wonderful, have some on the house (OP isn't looking!)

IDefinately well, that's one of the joys of an imaginary cafe - it's as large as you want it to be. So we can fit in as many people and dogs of questionable morality as we please.

I reckon so far we have the 'olde worlde' bit for people after a cream tea in traditional surroundings - it's all dainty china and chintz with a nice fireplace.

Then there's the 'greasy spoon' area for those enjoy a typical cafe fry up - complete with wipe clean checkered table cloths and ketchup in tomato shaped bottles.

For the fashionable folk we've a trendy bar set up, with uncomfortable high seats and unflattering lighting. I appreciate my use of the word 'trendy' makes me sound ancient, I'm only mid-40's, honest!

As Errol mentioned we're close to the beach - lovely sea views from the al fresco area out front. But if you prefer to sit at the side, round the back a bit, you'll see it's all greenery with the mountains in the distance. Lovely (sigh).

So all tastes catered for. I'm sure there's more but I didn't get chance to explore fully yesterday - what with the delivery problem I seemed to spend most of my time sorting out refunds.

A more pressing matter seems to be the name of the cafe OP? I'm trying to paint some livery on the sides of the hound delivery wagons, but am stymied cos I don't know the name of the place?!

I have been ponder this also.

I think the name is 'Margies'.

Pondering, obvs im not pissed

IMO it's something like the Temple Cafe on the Isle of Harris, but much bigger on the inside.