To open a cafe?

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Its nearly five am here and I'm still awake fretting about everything.

So I thought now might be a good time to open that sandwich bar I've always dreamed of owning.

While it has the distinct drawback of being entirely imaginary, that does mean shelf life, kitchen space and profit margins are less of a concern.

Here's the menu:

BREKKIE: served til 11am.

• In a large soft white or granary bap: Sausage, bacon or fried egg (red or brown sauce). Opinion to add mushrooms, cooked tomatoes and a hash brown.
• Vegan brekkie wrap (tofu scramble, tofurkey sausage, red peppers).

LUNCH
Available on basic sliced, thick-cut, in baguette or in wrap or panini where practical; all with optional salad:

• chicken/ham/roast beef salad
• chicken, bacon and avo
• chicken mayo and sweetcorn
• coronation chicken
• roast beef, horseradish, watercress
• corned beef and mustard
• ham and tomato
• brie, cranberry and bacon
• B, L, T
• bacon and avo
• smoked salmon and cream cheese
• dill trout in lemon mayo
• tuna mayo
• tuna salad (tuna mayo with chopped peppers, red onion and sweetcorn)
• seafood cocktail
• prawn in Marie rose
• egg mayo
• boiled egg and tomato
• cheddar and salad (pickle?)
• brie and cranberry
• mozerella and mixed roast veg
• pesto, mozerella, pine nuts and tomato
• cream cheese, pineapple and cucumber
• peanut butter and banana
• marmite and cucumber
• tapinade, grated carrot and salad
• hummus salad
• tofu (vegan) mayo with capers
• curried chickpea smash

I can add a sprinkling of ready salted crisps from the big bowl on the counter for an extra 15p.

TODAY'S HOT SPECIALS:

• Shark Bap (deep fried battered dogfish pieces in a bap with homemade tartare sauce)
• Pumpkin Pasty

Usual enigma variations of coffee. Milk; moo, oat or soy. Hot chocolate. Cold drinks in the fridge behind you.

What can I get you?

Can you make mine gluten free but taste exactly the same?

The most important part of a butty is the bread, and a Mother's Pride sliced is rubbish

Ah I'm glad you asked this actually. Maybe I worded it wrongly but I meant you could have standard packet bread or hand sliced granary. Two reasons; one being a lot of people really do seem to like plain sliced bread (especially white) and also it's a good budget option for those a bit strapped and only want one filling. I can't remember what we charged for a basic egg mayo/cheese and onion on sliced but it wasn't a lot.

Just woke up. Would love a big fry up with a gallon of fresh coffee. If I send my husband can you do a take away? And can I have my eggs well done - snotty eggs make me heave

'Joy' sounds like someone who can only manage a small bowl of air for lunch. Maybe you could serve her that with a sprinkling of air.

Can you make mine gluten free but taste exactly the same?

Not yet. Currently kneading rye with one hand, sourdough with the other, scones with both elbows (wearing elbow gloves, obvs).

'Joy' sounds like someone who can only manage a small bowl of air for lunch. Maybe you could serve her that with a sprinkling of air

It'll be £40.

Sounds great. But please don't stop the breakfast butties at 11 - I don't want it for actual breakfast, I want it for lunch!!

Trout sounds lovely! I'd definitely have that on granary. Bag of crisps, diet coke.

Breakfast bap - clearly bacon, sausage and egg? Brown or red, both acceptable.

There was a little baguette shop like this just down from my halls in Cardiff. Had about 20 different fillings. I liked Lebanese chicken in particular. You'd get a filled baguette, crisps and a drink for £3.

Breakfast if not all day is til noon at least, or call it brunch if you prefer, but definitely served for longer.

I'll have 2 poached eggs and beans on toast, with a side of crispy bacon, hash brown, sausage, mushrooms. Thank you please

Oh! Just looked it up and it's still there! Dough, 20 Salisbury Rd, Cardiff CF24 4AD. Highly recommended though it was 13 years ago I last had one.

Breakfast bap - clearly bacon, sausage and egg?

Fine but I claim not responsibility for loss of dignity and/or dry cleaning bills.

Magic FM is currently on, in case anyone was wondering. R1 is completely fucking banned in this establishment.

Mine will be the following:

Philli, Smoked Salmon & Dill baguette with steak crisps and a Diet Coke

Lemon chicken baguette with prawn cocktail walkers and a San pelligrino - orange or blood orange for DD1

Plain ham baguette for fussy DD2 she can share her Oasis with DS oh and some quavers

DS will have tomato soup if you have it, or pasta bake? No? Ok then a cheddar baguette and walkers baked crisps, the blue ones...

We'll take some Banana bread back for DH...

Sorry I've embellished your menu a little... i was in the zone

Id love a cooked breakfast then a white bap with brie and rocker unless you doing baking potato and a chocolate brownie or oz crunch....thank you

More than one vegan option please!
And a full vegan breakfast too!

There are 7 vegan options, I think! (Pasty is too).

My tofu scramble is really nice for if I do say so myself. It's got onion, garlic, red pepper, chili, tumeric, ginger, smoked paprika, pepper, salt, chopped green beans and a dollop of cooked 🍅 on top. Maybe a little bit of wilted spinach on fancy days 💃

Is it too early for BLT? I could murder one right now 🤤

Your cafe sounds great.

Dill trout with lemon may on granary for me please with some extra salad.

It sounds lovely but is there any chance of a cup of soup with a half baguette for £3.50?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3849757-The-cafe-is-still-open?watched=1&msgid=95608078#95608078

Not yet

Not yet? Not yet!! You need to learn to make bread with your feet. 😬

I really think you should also serve jacket potatoes with all those fillings as an option as loads of people like them but hardly any cafes serve them. Plus I couldn’t eat there otherwise because I don’t eat bread.

Can I have a white roll, real butter, mustard, mature cheddar, lettuce and onion

Or if you don't have that I'll have a chicken and bacon club on granary. Crisps on the side always!

A latte with cows milk and a millionaire shortbread please, but only if the caramel is gooey.

You need to learn to make bread with your feet

BOAK!

Doggos are allowed but only if they are Very Good Boys. You get a free coffee if you come in with a Samoyed. I suppose kippers could be allowed if they're kept on leads.

hardly any cafes serve them

With my sensible head on....I've worked in three places that did them I think but they can be a bit of a PITA because you have to put them on really early and any turn in the weather seems to be a really influencing factor when it comes to whether they sell or not. I've had days where they're sold out by 1 and days where Ive thrown away 20. One place I worked they were pathological about people not taking home food so I used to sneak the uneaten giant potatos (which had been in the oven ALL day and we're about as delicious as can be) home in the huge pockets of my giant appalling uniform trousers. I used to hop from leg to leg while saying goodbye to my line manager as the hot potatoes burned through my trousers Uni housemates were very appreciative though.

Excellent idea though; just off to make some coleslaw.

Oooh if you can do me a slow baked jacket with cheese and coleslaw and rocket salad I'll be with you every day 😍