To open a cafe?

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Its nearly five am here and I'm still awake fretting about everything.

So I thought now might be a good time to open that sandwich bar I've always dreamed of owning.

While it has the distinct drawback of being entirely imaginary, that does mean shelf life, kitchen space and profit margins are less of a concern.

Here's the menu:

BREKKIE: served til 11am.

• In a large soft white or granary bap: Sausage, bacon or fried egg (red or brown sauce). Opinion to add mushrooms, cooked tomatoes and a hash brown.
• Vegan brekkie wrap (tofu scramble, tofurkey sausage, red peppers).

LUNCH
Available on basic sliced, thick-cut, in baguette or in wrap or panini where practical; all with optional salad:

• chicken/ham/roast beef salad
• chicken, bacon and avo
• chicken mayo and sweetcorn
• coronation chicken
• roast beef, horseradish, watercress
• corned beef and mustard
• ham and tomato
• brie, cranberry and bacon
• B, L, T
• bacon and avo
• smoked salmon and cream cheese
• dill trout in lemon mayo
• tuna mayo
• tuna salad (tuna mayo with chopped peppers, red onion and sweetcorn)
• seafood cocktail
• prawn in Marie rose
• egg mayo
• boiled egg and tomato
• cheddar and salad (pickle?)
• brie and cranberry
• mozerella and mixed roast veg
• pesto, mozerella, pine nuts and tomato
• cream cheese, pineapple and cucumber
• peanut butter and banana
• marmite and cucumber
• tapinade, grated carrot and salad
• hummus salad
• tofu (vegan) mayo with capers
• curried chickpea smash

I can add a sprinkling of ready salted crisps from the big bowl on the counter for an extra 15p.

TODAY'S HOT SPECIALS:

• Shark Bap (deep fried battered dogfish pieces in a bap with homemade tartare sauce)
• Pumpkin Pasty

Usual enigma variations of coffee. Milk; moo, oat or soy. Hot chocolate. Cold drinks in the fridge behind you.

What can I get you?

You're missing cheese savoury

GOOD SPOT sandwich genuis. I realised this earlier! That three cheese and onion mix?

You know what’s an awesome veggie offering which could easily be vegan too

Lightly toasted bagel (seeded hopefully), cream cheese, red pepper hummus, sliced avocado and roasted tomatoes. So, so good.

Love everything about this thread. Since moving jobs and moving back to my hometown 7 years ago I’m very much missing several amazing sandwich shops I used to have access to.

Can’t see any coleslaw, one of may favourite options is sausage (hot) and coleslaw (preferably quite a high end one) on a ciabatta.

That three cheese and onion mix?

A better enforcer of social distancing than garlic, IMO.

Less of the sexism re Lego...

Can I have a club sandwich? With fries and ceasar dressing instead of mayo? With extra napkins and cut into triangles? Ty! Also definitely a Fanta:)

Can't a decent club sandwich any where even before quarantine

Afternoon teatime - pot of tea for two, DH would like some date slice (no accounting for taste) and something chocolaty for me please.

Well I have only just got up so you need to do an All day breakfast option for me to partake.

Omg, I'll have anything on offer as long as I don't have to cook it please!!

The OP did say the brekkie was available until 11am but didn't specify the time zone - it's always before 11am somewhere.

Do you allow people to save tables in this cafe?

I don't think even Jesus is permitted to save a table on MN, but fortunately the cafe and its garden is large enough for all.

Coronation chicken on white with 30p worth of crisps please.

Can I have a crab baguette? Not just any old crab baguette - a very very good one. Preferably an exact duplicate of the one that I had on holiday in St Ives in the summer of 2001?

Shit! Didn't realise I'd been left in charge......(looks around in panic). S'okay, doesn't look like anything bad has happened .

So, the rule (for tonight at least) is that anyone can have anything at all, in whatever quantity they like - as long as they knock it together themselves and leave what they feel is an acceptable donation in the honesty box on the counter.

I'll have a quick tidy round and leave the key under the decorative planted wheelbarrow thingy by the front door.

Barge nobody can accuse you of stockpiling if you eat them as you go along, so go for it is my advice - life is strange in these uncertain times so find enjoyment where you can!

Awkward No probs at all, I've got my TARDIS parked in the courtyard out back - just give me specific date/location and I'll be well away.

Unhappily the basset hound delivery system was a bust - she came back with a new sausage dog friend (think it might be yours Errol?) They both look very full and rather smug, so I suspect they ate the orders. Did anyone actually get a delivery?

Think we need a more responsible, less easily distracted breed - does anyone have one we can borrow for tomorrow? The basset looks knackered and probably won't budge from the sofa tomorrow.

On the bright side, I've made a load of mini treacle tarts for tomorrow and they look lovely (proud).

If anyone comes in for a late tea please tidy up after yourselves - I won't be rolling in til gone 11 in the morning.

Think we need a more responsible, less easily distracted breed

A St Bernard. I mean, they can be trusted with kegs of brandy can't they?

Fabulous idea Errol You are a genius! If they can resist brandy then they must be safe around sarnies, crisps and flapjacks?

Okay, does anyone have a St Bernard we can borrow? Preferably called Bernard?

Omg peanut butter and banana on granary loaf and a strong americano with cold milk taa

Badass yes, yes, whatever you like - but do you have a St Bernard?

Some of the other types of Swiss mountain dogs eg Bernese can pull carts, so they might be good for bulkier deliveries.

Errol can we agree that we'd be happy with any dog that's big enough to pull a little cart and that's willing to give it a go?

We can pay then with sausages and cold meats.

I have a friend with a Bernese mountain dog, unfortunately he lives in Italy, but either we can relocate or I can ask for a virtual loan

Got any Kebabs?

Does this establishment cater for a late night snack whilst I'm queuing for my taxi??

I think we've established that as it's always before 11am somewhere, brekkie is available all day - 24 hrs.

I know TWO Bernese Mountain Dogs, I'll ask them to be sent over.

Just don't employ a Labrador, or none of the food would reach customers.