To open a cafe?

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Its nearly five am here and I'm still awake fretting about everything.

So I thought now might be a good time to open that sandwich bar I've always dreamed of owning.

While it has the distinct drawback of being entirely imaginary, that does mean shelf life, kitchen space and profit margins are less of a concern.

Here's the menu:

BREKKIE: served til 11am.

• In a large soft white or granary bap: Sausage, bacon or fried egg (red or brown sauce). Opinion to add mushrooms, cooked tomatoes and a hash brown.
• Vegan brekkie wrap (tofu scramble, tofurkey sausage, red peppers).

LUNCH
Available on basic sliced, thick-cut, in baguette or in wrap or panini where practical; all with optional salad:

• chicken/ham/roast beef salad
• chicken, bacon and avo
• chicken mayo and sweetcorn
• coronation chicken
• roast beef, horseradish, watercress
• corned beef and mustard
• ham and tomato
• brie, cranberry and bacon
• B, L, T
• bacon and avo
• smoked salmon and cream cheese
• dill trout in lemon mayo
• tuna mayo
• tuna salad (tuna mayo with chopped peppers, red onion and sweetcorn)
• seafood cocktail
• prawn in Marie rose
• egg mayo
• boiled egg and tomato
• cheddar and salad (pickle?)
• brie and cranberry
• mozerella and mixed roast veg
• pesto, mozerella, pine nuts and tomato
• cream cheese, pineapple and cucumber
• peanut butter and banana
• marmite and cucumber
• tapinade, grated carrot and salad
• hummus salad
• tofu (vegan) mayo with capers
• curried chickpea smash

I can add a sprinkling of ready salted crisps from the big bowl on the counter for an extra 15p.

TODAY'S HOT SPECIALS:

• Shark Bap (deep fried battered dogfish pieces in a bap with homemade tartare sauce)
• Pumpkin Pasty

Usual enigma variations of coffee. Milk; moo, oat or soy. Hot chocolate. Cold drinks in the fridge behind you.

What can I get you?

It was me - they're my favourite - but she helped with the icing....

I'll be out back, trying to make myself useful in the kitchen. Someone keep an eye on the dog for me?

Placing my order for coronation chicken with salad on a thick white farmhouse bread. Can/bottle of diet coke and a chocolate brownie.

When do I collect?

But it's very surprising how high a Basset can you stretch or jump when there's food involved......

For acquisition, I don't doubt - but does this apply to delivery?

The basset can snuggle up with my sausage dog if you want. I do love a long dog.

Oh hello, I'm back again for lunch. Nice to see the place so busy.
I'll have ham and coleslaw on ciabatta please, and a piece of that banana bread. And do you take orders for cakes, as it's my birthday coming up and I want something chocolatey and gooey. Maybe with raspberries on top for my five a day.

Do you have gluten free bread or rolls?

Brie and cranberry baguette please and an americano with a tiny drop of skimmed milk (can't seem to wean myself off that tiny drop).

What cakes have you got? I don't like chocolate so no brownies please.

Also have you any soup?

If you want to get any women in you also have to offer Prosecco and some kind of cupcakes. I believe those 2 things make up at least 86% of a woman's diet. If you can make a Prosecco cupcake and put it in a sandwich you'll do great business.

personally I think both prosecco and cupcakes should be banned from this cafe.
Much more civilized (and cup cakes are disgusting, too much sickly sweet icing, cake too dry)

Have I missed this important point?

Do you deliver to workplaces?

If you want to get any women in you also have to offer Prosecco and some kind of cupcakes. I believe those 2 things make up at least 86% of a woman's diet. If you can make a Prosecco cupcake and put it in a sandwich you'll do great business.

What's for the blokes - a beer and pork pie sarny?

Also have you any soup?

Fine have your weird liquid food

Do you deliver to workplaces?

Basset delivery system.

Errol Chewie would love to snuggle your sausage dog, she's missing her doggie friends.

So, delivery will take a while - the basset doesn't waddle very quickly unless motivated and she'll stop to sniff each blade of grass. But they're a stubborn and determined breed, so your food will definitely get to you........eventually.

I'm back again for lunch - I hope your prices are reasonable or I'm going to be broke at this rate. Did you get the sourdough starter going? If so, I would like a toastie of brie, caramelised onion chutney and parma ham on sourdough please. And a pineapple juice.

Hi,

Salt and vinegar crisp sandwich on thick white bread and a pot of tea please.
And can I have another chocolate and blood orange cake with cream in a brown paper bag to take away .... here’s a plastic reusable box to put it in. Hubby must not see it....

And can I have another chocolate and blood orange cake with cream in a brown paper bag to take away .... here’s a plastic reusable box to put it in. Hubby must not see it....

Alright but I'm limiting you to one per day from now on. No stockpiling innit

If so, I would like a toastie of brie, caramelised onion chutney and parma ham on sourdough please

Haha the chutney is homemade but is nuclear hot in a toastie so be careful.

That wants a hot chocolate with it in my humble opinion.

OP I’ve opened my own cafe, have made a menu and given it a name

Sunshine Cafe Menu

Drinks straight from the Kitchen

Adams Ale free
Latte with a smile £1.50
Cappachino with a nice sit down £2.50
Flat white (latte wasn’t frothy enough so you get this drink) 50p
Beer straight from the fridge £2.00
Cup of tea - not available I always run out
Pot of tea £1.50 & bottomless hot water
Bovril & a chat £0.50
Glass of red wine & a giggle £priceless

Food freshly made

Sunshine lemon & poppy seed biscuits 50p for 2 or 1 for £1
Ginger biscuits free with a sit down
Almond & orange delights £1.00
Whole meal sandwiches with marmite & cheese £2.00 without the cheese £2.50
Sardines on toast £4.0O
Dish of the day - ask if you’re brave
Bandanas & real homemade custard £ free for a hug even an IOU hug after social distancing ends

The customers are few and far between but seem to be calling everyday 🤣





What's for the blokes - a beer and pork pie sarny? - One word, table full of Lego.

One word, table full of Lego

I'd be all over that shit tbf

Its nearly bedtime in Aus. MrMen and Chewie are in charge til I get back. Tomorrow there will be a selection of quiches 😋

You're missing cheese savoury - I'll have one of those in a white baguette if you can add it to the specials - with some shredded iceberg lettuce too please

But I had hot chocolate for breakfast op

Is it stock piling if I’ve already eaten one....?!
Besides they’re essential to my continued well being and the survival of my hubby...
Although if you’ve a table full of Lego it could be a man crèche?..... oh hang on social distancing ...... a virtual table of Lego?!