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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be gutted...

122 replies

2littleChicks · 22/11/2019 13:35

DH ended our marriage around 6 weeks ago. Out of the blue. Two primary aged DCs. Ended our marriage but not moved out but that's another story.
I've been struggling hugely and trying to keep things normal for the children.
AIBU to think that HE'S unreasonable to pursue this new exciting single life without so much as a second thought for his heartbroken wife at home with the kids.
People talk so I know he's gone out dating, probably sleeping with other people, leaving things out to wind me up which hint at what he's up to.
How do I move on from this?

OP posts:
Stressedout10 · 22/11/2019 13:40

1 of you need to move out as you can't move forward whilst you are in this situation.
So sorry your going through this, you can get some really good advice if you post this on relationship Flowers

SquareAsABlock · 22/11/2019 13:40

Him not moving out isn't 'another story', why hasn't he done so? Do the children know you've split up? Must be terribly confusing for them if so, never mind if they get wind that their dad is snagging around town whilst still living with you.

Original poster
2littleChicks · 22/11/2019 13:41

@Stressedout10 That's coming shortly hopefully but not soon enough. It's like living in hell.

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 22/11/2019 13:42

How do I move on from this?

You can't when you're still living together. You say that's another story but why hasn't he moved our?

Original poster
2littleChicks · 22/11/2019 13:42

@SquareAsABlock he doesn't want to be a "weekend dad" but I'm working towards a solution he just needs to agree ☹️
I'm not leaving my home when I do everything in it and the primary Carer to the kids as well as working FT.
They don't know yet but are too young to listen to adult gossip, but I think they are picking up on the negative atmosphere.

OP posts:
User3421090989098 · 22/11/2019 13:43

Get him to move out, he’s having his cake and eating it too. So unfair. Or get You go out too! Why should he have all the fun?

pictish · 22/11/2019 13:44

Aww I really am so sorry you’re going through this.

Fact is, no one is obligated to stay in a relationship, even where there are children involved. Unfortunately he has decided that yours was no longer working for him. Having it all in your face makes it much harder though - how soon can he move out?

What reason did he give for the split?

gamerchick · 22/11/2019 13:45

He can't dump you and carry on living with you while he goes out fucking around. It doesn't work like that.

I do hope you've stopped doing anything for him in the meantime though.

Original poster
2littleChicks · 22/11/2019 13:47

@User3421090989098 yep, mug over here has still been doing his washing. The moving out is a work in progress but I can barely function right now let alone have fun!
Felt awful saying it but it would be easier if he had died - at least I know it was definitively finished. Not this torture of seeing the man you love every day going off out as a single man. Not that I would wish that because of the kids. But this is killing me.

OP posts:
Original poster
2littleChicks · 22/11/2019 13:50

@pictish There wasn't really one, which is why for the first week I was in denial. I suspected OW and I think I'm right. Which is worse really than just genuinely falling out of love. Believe it or not things were actually really good between us.

OP posts:
pictish · 22/11/2019 13:52

I think OW is very likely. Sadly.

Drum2018 · 22/11/2019 13:53

For gods sake stop doing his washing, stop cleaning up after him, stop cooking for him. Put him in another bedroom or on the couch, make his life hell.

HilaryBriss · 22/11/2019 13:57

You have split up - stop doing his washing/cooking for him/tidying up after him and whatever else you are doing for him.

As PP's have said, you cannot move on whilst you are still living under the same roof. He doesn't want to be a weekend dad? Tough shit, he should have thought about that before splitting.

Househunt1 · 22/11/2019 13:57

Omg please stop doing his washing, sorry to be harsh but you are making yourself look like a fool! He's dumped you, wants to split up, may have another woman and you're still washing his dirty boxers....how would you feel knowing they could have some other womans juices on them, i know that is sooo harsh and horrible to hear but you need to get angry and strong and the only place his washing would be getting washed is in a river!

Househunt1 · 22/11/2019 13:59

And let him go and pursue his exciting single life, yes that does mean being a weekend dad, he made his choice he cant have it all. Stupid dick

KittenLedWeaning · 22/11/2019 13:59

For goodness sake, stop doing his washing and don't cook for him either.

Havaina · 22/11/2019 14:01

Why at you doing his washing, OP?

Is he hinting that you should continue to live together while he lives like a single man? You doing his washing tells him that this is on the cards, so stop doing his washing, stop cooking for him, stop having any food in for him, stop tidying after him - just stop!

HollowTalk · 22/11/2019 14:02

What a horrible situation.

Does he have anywhere to go to? His parents' house? If he does, I'd pack his bags and send them there now.

I assume his OW is married, too, as otherwise he'd just go there, wouldn't he?

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 22/11/2019 14:02

Definitely stop doing his washing. Don't cook food for him, stop all of that. If he wants to be single, then he should get the full package, including washing his own clothes.

Vapatea · 22/11/2019 14:03

Tell him exactly how hurt, betrayed and used you feel. Don’t pretend it’s OK. It’s not.

Elbeagle · 22/11/2019 14:04

Ah so he wants to have his cake and eat it. Living at ‘home’ with all his home comforts, having a skivvy to do his washing for him and he gets to shag someone else (or multiple other people).
I mean this really kindly but you need to find your self respect. Why are you doing his washing?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/11/2019 14:08

yep, mug over here has still been doing his washing

Well STOP! Why on earth are you doing that?

He needs to move out ASAP.

What an arsehole, really sorry you're in this situation. He sounds like a very selfish man. And an arsehole.

friedbeansandcheese · 22/11/2019 14:09

You poor thing. That sounds very hard.

I'd stop doing anything for him. He can wash for himself, do his cooking. Make sure you go out too - don't let him go out every night. He can do his share of childcare while he's still living with his dc.

And as for him not wanting to be a weekend dad, then he should have thought about that before telling you he wants to end your marriage. Twat. He can't have it all ways.

Start finding your anger.

Quartz2208 · 22/11/2019 14:12

so he wants the single life but you doing his washing and living with you and not being a weekend dad

He cant have that and you have to be strong enough to say so

Start by saying its his evening and go out leave him with the children

Stop doing his chores you are no longer together

diddl · 22/11/2019 14:15

He doesn't have to be a weekend dad, but that's for him to sort out, as is telling the kids!

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