To be gutted...

[2littleChicks]

DH ended our marriage around 6 weeks ago. Out of the blue. Two primary aged DCs. Ended our marriage but not moved out but that's another story.
I've been struggling hugely and trying to keep things normal for the children.
AIBU to think that HE'S unreasonable to pursue this new exciting single life without so much as a second thought for his heartbroken wife at home with the kids.
People talk so I know he's gone out dating, probably sleeping with other people, leaving things out to wind me up which hint at what he's up to.
How do I move on from this?

Single life?, my arse OW involved somewhere!

I do hope he is at least in a spare room if not on the sofa. Stop doing any/all chores for him. This is not a hotel which you can check in and out of - bloody hell if it was he would pay and treat the "staff" with a little respect.

I'd move out myself and be a weekend mum. Running around after the kids would soon stop his caper.

Give him an ultimatum to leave. Get him out well before Christmas.

He needs to leave. Tough fucking shit if he doesn't want to be a weekend dad. Having ended his relationship with the mother of his children, custody and contact with their shared children must be worked out for the benefit of the children. Him remaining in the family home (i.e. the home of the children and the adult(s) who care for them) is already leading to them""picking up on the negative atmosphere. Quite simply, it is not in the children's interest for him to remain in the family home. If he cared at all for the children, he would move out and stop negatively impacting the mental health of the children's mother and primary carer. IF* he prioritised their children's well-being over getting his washing done by their shellshocked mother

"DH ended our marriage around 6 weeks ago." But he still wants the benefits of married life. No. They are not his to have any more. He must start prioritising the needs of his children over his own - convenience. He needs to physically leave, not just check out emotionally and taunt you with his new behaviour. ASAP.

Stop the laundry services
Stop cooking
Empty the fridge, shop daily for you and DC. Eat with the DC and prep nothing for him.

He is moving out. He just does not know it yet.

Don't hide what he has done, let people know.

Thank you for all your responses. I know I'm trying to dig deep and find my anger but I keep just crumpling because I'm devastated.
I'm basically trying to get an financial plan for me to stay here by myself with the kids and for him to go. I can imagine that his new exciting single life will make him want to leave soon anyway.
I don't cook for him anymore and I'm gonna stop doing his washing. Previous PP re the bodily fluids, it entered my mind too and I physically threw up.
I think there's more than one woman, there's various. He's out there enjoying himself.
If I didn't tidy up the place would be a shit tip I've got to at least keep that up for the kids. They deserve better.
Unfortunately he's a manipulative man and my mums been helping me see over the years he's done nothing but control me and enjoy pulling apart my weaknesses. He knows that he's my weakness. Playing on it now in fact.
Just a really shit situation to be in.

Taking his clothes to his parents house is a great idea. Ask them if they would mind discussing with him if he will be having the children this weekend or next? Bit late for this weekend but this should normally be pick up friday until drop off monday. And which week nights would he like? If he still has his parents and he goes there (and they make his ears burn) I expect he will be back with his tail between his legs begging forgiveness pretty soon. Feel free to tell him where to go. If he doesn't have parents to go to on the lawn/in the shed or garahe in bin bags should also work for his stuff.

Send him home to Mummy and Daddy if they are still alive, or to his siblings house to lodge with them. He needs to be told he either commits to the marriage or moves out. Give him a deadline.

@Dict If he doesn't leave I'm going to start divorce proceedings and someone else can decide how to divide the assets. He won't like not having that control.

Don't wait op !
Make an appointment with a solicitor NOW !
And file for divorce pronto !
He's living the high life isn't he ? Washing done, housekeeping done, kids looked after, and out doing whatever he pleases when he pleases !
And all the while, his little woman is at home, ready to worship him.

@0SometimesIWonder I'm not workshopping him. I think I'm on autopilot.

Where is he sleeping?

@glitterbiscuits he has the marital bed 😒 I'm in the spare. I'm up before the kids so they don't realise.

Get your documents in order. Move money to your sole name. End any joint financial arrangements.
Don't lift a finger to help him!
What ever he is leaving around for you to find (?) throw away.

Get legal advice ASAP!

yep, mug over here has still been doing his washing

wtf? He's broken up with you and has left clues around the house to let you know he's seeing other people and you're still washing his underwear? You are a total Mug! I'm not trying to be cruel but you need to pick your self respect up off the floor and get mad with this piece of shit. !

Move his stuff out of the marital room to the spare room.

Letting him stay in there sends the message that he can have this all his way.

love, you have to get angry! he is treating you, the mother of his children as a drudge and a fool, for gods sake pack his stuff up and chuck him out or you will go mad, you need time and privacy to grieve for the end of your marriage, you cant possibly do that while he is still living with you, now is the time for YOU to put YOU first, you need to gather your strength for you and your children, he is plainly a selfish twat and now you have to think of your own and your dcs future happiness, they are going to need you, they have a father they cant rely on to put them first, just get rid!

Pack his bags and put them in his car ready for when he leaves for work. The kids will be ok, better in fact without him living there in this way. You will also be ok, and in time, you will even be better without him. It must be so so hard and my thoughts are with you, he has caused this situation and he needs to face and put up with the negative consequences rather than just enjoying single life.

There will be another woman. Sorry OP

Now, pull yourself together and concentrate on working towards being happy with your children. Don't let him stay, find some anger and kick him out.
He needs to see that there are consequences to his actions- he can't have his cake and eat it... you are still doing his washing?!

He is taking the absolute piss out of you. Just let that sink in and use the anger to find the strength to protect yours and your children's mental wellbeing as well as your financial wellbeing.

It DOES get easier.

@AryaStarkWolf How do I dig up this anger? I'm just feeling hopeless and lost.

@2littleChicks I don't have any advice OP apart from that you need to get your ducks in a row ASAP and get legal advice.
But wanted to let you know that we are all here for you

he is sleeping in the marital bed!!! ffs woman, I mean it kindly but you have to grow a pair, sling the arsehole out, along with his fucking washing.

It's not as simple to just put my foot down, this is a manipulate and controlling man. Always has been. I've never been good enough since day 1. So I need to tread carefully and make him think things are his idea. It's just exhausting existing at the moment without whatever happens next.