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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this fair wedding etiquette ?

118 replies

Roxxxy · 19/11/2019 06:11

My friend is having a wedding in 2 weeks' time. My coupled up friends' partners have all been invited, but those of us who are single are not allowed to bring a plus one. The partners of my mates aren't even close with the bride or groom. I asked if I was allowed to bring my Mum as a plus one and my friend said she would let me know how many numbers there were for the evening reception.

Does this seem like a common practice at weddings ? Or unfair ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Roxxxy · 19/11/2019 06:13

I could understand not bringing a plus one for the ceremony, but we have not been told we can for the evening part, either.

OP posts:
littlepaddypaws · 19/11/2019 06:14

seems a bit odd but it really comes down to numbers and it is their wedding to say yay or nay.

Mumdiva99 · 19/11/2019 06:15

Very common. Why would a bride and groom pay for a 'random' at the wedding? I didn't let my single friends have a plus 1. I couldn't even invite all my friends as we didn't have space. Plus all my friends knew everyone else as we are all friends. (If I had a friend from a completely different circle coming and they didn't know everyone then yes I would e.g. one of my husbands friends was given a plus 1 as he knew nobody else there. )

Original poster
Roxxxy · 19/11/2019 06:15

True it is their choice, and I guess it would impact them a lot in terms of numbers.. Ah well. I would just feel better if I were able to being someone, as 95% of my friends are in couples and I don't want to be there like a gooseberry 😂

OP posts:
littlepaddypaws · 19/11/2019 06:15

does the evening have food ? if not, it might be down to venue space.

SnorkMaiden81 · 19/11/2019 06:15

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
I assume their friend's partners are actually part of their extended circle at some level.

How well do they know your mum? Or someone's next door neighbor? Or Carol from accounts?

Original poster
Roxxxy · 19/11/2019 06:17

That's true yes. However 2 of my friend's partners they have never met, and one other they cannot stand. Oh well it's the way it is I guess, just wasn't sure if it was common or not !

OP posts:
FudgeBrownie2019 · 19/11/2019 06:17

You'd be bringing a stranger they'd never met to their wedding and it's ok for them to say no to that.

I only ever go to weddings of people I absolutely love and adore, so how they choose to have their day doesn't matter one bit. Everyone should adopt this attitude. If you get upset over how someone's doing their wedding you shouldn't be attending.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 19/11/2019 06:18

I've never been to a wedding where guests were given blank 'plus ones' and find it quite hard to imagine having all those random people there. I thought it was something that only really happened in sitcoms as a way of getting all the characters there!

TeenPlusTwenties · 19/11/2019 06:18

Why should someone pay money to entertain someone they don't know at their wedding? It's not like you will be on your own, you clearly have other friends attending.
Yes it might be nice, but maybe they also feel it's £20/£40 they can spend better elsewhere. Also if you get a plus 1, then maybe there are 9 others, so that's another £200/£400 or whatever.

Not unfair.

CherryPavlova · 19/11/2019 06:18

Perfectly normal. You don’t invite random people to a wedding. An established couple come as a couple, they would usually attend bigger social events together.
If you’re single the invitation would be for you, it would be quite rude to ask for someone else to be included. It puts a pressure on the couple to include extra people they don’t want.

littlepaddypaws · 19/11/2019 06:18

surely your friends won't be glued to their partners all evening, and besides there will be groups talking so you won't feel like the third wheel as it's not just one couple. men talk in huddles just like women do.

Oysterbabe · 19/11/2019 06:22

I think I'd feel more of a gooseberry showing up with my mum.

Monkeynuts18 · 19/11/2019 06:30

Very normal. Never been to a wedding where guests were given blank plus ones.

Lilyflower1 · 19/11/2019 06:30

My DD and SIL had a rule that no one they had not actually met was invited to their wedding. Odd, but it made sense in a way.

Old fashioned wedding etiquette seems to have vanished and some pretty bizarre and unreasonable rules seem to be being applied.

I think it is probably down the whoever pays for the wedding to say what’s what. You can always not go if you don’t like it.

onthecoins · 19/11/2019 06:38

I'm getting married soon. We're not giving random +1s. I don't want to spend my wedding day with 50% strangers, nor spend £40 a head on them, which would cost us thousands.

Surely most people wouldn't expect a random +1???

pictish · 19/11/2019 06:40

Agree that a blank plus one is not usual on a wedding invite. People don’t usually pay for randoms of their guest’s choosing to come along to their big day.

ittakes2 · 19/11/2019 06:42

The wedding is not about you - its about them. If you know them well and care enough about them you would be content spending quality time with them.

InfiniteSheldon · 19/11/2019 06:46

This is how you make new friends and find partners in life taking your mum is how you stay single

Appletreehouse · 19/11/2019 06:46

I kind of get where you're coming from, as often during daytime parts of weddings there are times when people are just hanging around, like before the ceremony, while photos are taken, and other moments like sitting down to dinner and the first dance are a little bit more couply, or easier if you have a partner to accompany you (I've sat on some quite unfriendly/odd wedding tables over the years where it's awkward). But by the evening its like a fun night out and everyone is less formal so I don't think you need to worry. Your friends surely won't leave you out if they're real friends?

misspiggy19 · 19/11/2019 06:46

I wouldn’t invite someone I hadn’t met to my wedding either. Why would you?

Original poster
Roxxxy · 19/11/2019 06:47

OK thanks for the replies ! I know it's not about me , I have hardly been to any weddings but just wanted to see whether this was the case at most weddings or not but now I know it isnt, that's fine !

OP posts:
mummyh2016 · 19/11/2019 06:47

I did this purely as I didn't want random people at my wedding! If you had a partner when the invites were sent out they were invited. If you didn't and got a partner after they were invited to the evening.

pictish · 19/11/2019 06:48

Regarding the partners that are included but the couple have never met - it’s general custom in our culture to account for established relationships in a wedding invite.

It’s not custom to take your mum for company. Sorry. X

Original poster
Roxxxy · 19/11/2019 06:50

OK thanks for letting me know :) it's only the 2nd wedding in my life so had no idea ! Makes sense anyway !

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