Is this fair wedding etiquette ?

[Roxxxy]

My friend is having a wedding in 2 weeks' time. My coupled up friends' partners have all been invited, but those of us who are single are not allowed to bring a plus one. The partners of my mates aren't even close with the bride or groom. I asked if I was allowed to bring my Mum as a plus one and my friend said she would let me know how many numbers there were for the evening reception.

Does this seem like a common practice at weddings ? Or unfair ?

@Butterisbest. I second that. Sad. I wonder if they'd answer the same way to one of their friends asking a very simple question

Yes, I agree with you Butterisbest, but its mumsnet, you ask a reasonable question on here, you are likely to be filletted! But, no, no plus ones, its difficult to draw the line with friends and relatives, never mind anyone else, go enjoy yourself.

At weddings I've been to, plus 1s arent normal- only if it's a friend who really doesnt know any other people (eg a friend from somewhere they worked ages ago or someone who is travelling some distance and has decided to do so with a friend). Grown adults dont need someone to babysit them so they don't 'feel like a gooseberry' - I'm sure all your couple friends wont spend all their time snogging on the dancefloor! Also that's one function of the hen and stag do - so that people can get to know others before the wedding and have someone to talk to.

Unless they are very rich, or doing a wedding where numbers dont matter (eg doing a buffet themselves) I think it's a bit rude to ask them to pay 50 quid extra for the privilege of celebrating an important day in their lives with someone elses mum and pissing off all their other single friends without a +1 (or paying 50 quid for all of them as well)

I was asked by a friend who’d just divorced if she could bring a plus instead of the v boring ex wh9 had originally been invited. I said yes and they livened the dance floor up no end....they are what everyone remembers from the wedding.

Thank you for the feedback and I fully agree with people's different points of view on it !
And if makes some PPs feel better to call me rude, selfish and other names, go for it, I couldn't care less :)

When we got married, we had a bunch of single friends, but they were all friends of each other. So we made sure they all sat together at the meal, where they could have fun (it wasn't a "singles" table, btw, we also put couples in there that were part of the same social group). I did, however, have a couple of single friends who didn't know anyone except me. They were given plus-ones, and both brought a friend (who I'd never met before). As far as I'm aware everyone was happy with the arrangement!
Basically, I wouldn't expect someone without a partner to come along completely in their own. But if the wider friendship group is there, then I don't think plus ones are needed.

Sorry but a random stranger if your choice is not the same as someone’s partner. YABVU.

Why on EARTH do you want to bring your mum? Are you 10?

When we looked into it for our wedding we decided the rule that if they lived with their partner (or were definite long term) then the partner got invited. No way would we have been able to afford plus ones for our single friends. However we made sure that every single friend also had someone else that they knew invited to sit next to at the meal.

I invited plus ones only if that person knew no one else at the wedding well. If they had one or two in the friend group there then I didn't invite plus ones. I didn't have separate evening guests though- just whole day ones

@Roxxxy, I think you're getting a hard time here.

OP asked a question, clarified a couple of points, then quickly accepted the general consensus. So WHY do people keep piling on to berate her? Happens all the time on here!

I was a random + 1 at a wedding years ago, never met the bride before but ended up being very good friends with the couple. Almost better friends than I was with the chap that invited me.

@ClinkyMonkey oh I have no idea, but it's like being back at school 😂 I've asked a question, hardly committed a crime. I said about 75 posts earlier that I accepted it.

I’d only have given single guests a plus one if they wouldn’t know anyone else well at the wedding. So sounds normal if your friends are going.

I'm struggling to get over you wanting to take your Mum as a plus 1.

Ok well i'm sure there are much harder things to 'struggle to get over' good lord 😂

Roxxxy maybe they want to match you up with Mr Perfect. Hence no mum allowed

I've been to lots of weddings on my own. It's just one of those things and you can't expect people to want strangers at their wedding. Their day and their costs. Use the opportunity to mingle.

I don't know if it helps at all, but I can tell you what we're doing. Friends with partners that we know are invited as couples, but we've done no plus ones. We couldn't; due to numbers in our venue, and also the fact that it's £80 a head! We're not doing evening only guests, either. But our table plan is designed so that people who know each other are together, single or not, and there's plenty of opportunities for mingling. We're canning off speeches and readings, and we've tried to keep it fun for guests. Good food, good entertainment.

I'd feel (and will feel!) a bit bad if anyone asks if they can bring someone and I have to say no, but thankfully we have most of the RSVPs back now and everyone seems happy enough.

Wedding planning has been hard! I wanted to elope, really, something small just the two of us, but his parents would have been really upset. So instead we're trying hard to keep it small and with people we love.

Totally normal. I wouldn’t want to pay for someone random to attend my wedding and would think it is cheeky to ask.

Sorry but a random stranger if your choice is not the same as someone’s partner.

Is it though? You might know them well, equally you may not. People like cousins, work friends and long distance friends likely have partners you have never met and never will again after the wedding. How is that different?

For evening only invitations it's the norm for us to invite plus one.

Clearly I am old as I think its very strange. I know it happens and I know of weddings where even spouses of guests were not invited. However I would not want to go on my own.

As for "I could understand not bringing a plus one for the ceremony" ... anyone can attend a church wedding, even if not invited

I invited plus ones to mine, as well as children.

Totally normal to only invite committed partners to weddings.

I personally think it’s extremely rude not to provide a plus one for every guest, and we did provide one, with the assumption people would want to bring a date.

One batshit friend tried to bring her mother along...so now I’m less sure it’s a good idea 🤪

I’ve been to weddings where “random” +1s are allowed and ones where they weren’t. And while it is normal/ not seen as rude and I do understand about costs etc I do think more highly upon the wedding couples that allow +1s.

Going alone to a wedding can be absolutely awful. As the eternal singleton, I often attend weddings alone and yes, I am an adult and don’t need to be babysat, but often you find people to chat with at the church/ ceremony and the canapé drinks bit and then find you are sitting with completely different (often boring) people for the meal, which can be excruciating.

The good news OP is that by the evening it’s usually fine/ much better, so if you’re only going for the evening you should be ok.