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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this fair wedding etiquette ?

118 replies

Roxxxy · 19/11/2019 06:11

My friend is having a wedding in 2 weeks' time. My coupled up friends' partners have all been invited, but those of us who are single are not allowed to bring a plus one. The partners of my mates aren't even close with the bride or groom. I asked if I was allowed to bring my Mum as a plus one and my friend said she would let me know how many numbers there were for the evening reception.

Does this seem like a common practice at weddings ? Or unfair ?

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 19/11/2019 07:18

i dont think it is cheeky to ask to bring your mum, but you have your answer

Original poster
Roxxxy · 19/11/2019 07:19

I certainly do 😂

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 19/11/2019 07:21

Inpolitely asked for the evening reception, that was my response and I didn't argue it. I'm not entitled,

Well, you are entitled, because you thought it acceptable to ask to bring a guest to someone else’s wedding. That is exceptionally rude behaviour; it is irrelevant that you ‘asked politely’ or didn’t argue the obvious no.

And as I said, 2 of my friends' partners they have never met, so they are also 'randoms'.

Right, and I didn’t have friends partners at my wedding for this reason either, but etiquette generally leads towards inviting both of a couple as they share their lives together. It does not lead towards inviting someone’s mum.

peardrops1 · 19/11/2019 07:23

I've been to a gazillion weddings and never even heard of single people being given a plus one. Defs not the norm these days.

jiskoot · 19/11/2019 07:28

I got married in Sept and gave plus ones to everyone if they wanted one. My single friend brought her mum, she didn't know a lot of people so was happy for her to bring someone she could talk to, never even met her mum before but she was lovely!

We had a small do though (50) and the reception was in a barn on our farm so I had some wriggle room with people. I know this isn't the case for most weddings when you're paying per head.

Alicia1234 · 19/11/2019 07:29

"Well, you are entitled, because you thought it acceptable to ask to bring a guest to someone else’s wedding. That is exceptionally rude behaviour; it is irrelevant that you ‘asked politely’ or didn’t argue the obvious no."

Exceptionally rude/ seriously?! Grin

Roxxxy Some people seem to spend all waking hours looking for reasons to feel offended.

LL83 · 19/11/2019 07:30

I have never known any plus ones be invited anywhere these days. Weddings are to expensive.

It is difficult to say some partners but not others but easy to say no plus ones.
If you know a few people there then you dont need a plus one.

I would only invite a plus 1 with a friend if she didnt belong to any other circle at the wedding.

LL83 · 19/11/2019 07:33

I would sit people with at least some people they know. Never a loser gooseberry table as someone mentioned. I think that person was unlucky.

CatUnderTheStairs · 19/11/2019 07:33

I’ve been a plus 1 at 2 weddings with a friend, and she was my plus 1 at my brothers....

20viona · 19/11/2019 07:34

Completely normal why would the B and G want a randomer on their photos?!

Bloomburger · 19/11/2019 07:51

Why do you need to bring your mum, you have other friends there?

Very strange to think because your friends partners are invited that you as a singleton should get a plus one.

thecatsthecats · 19/11/2019 07:55

"How do you know the bride and groom?"
"I don't, I'm here with my daughter."

Seems far odder to me than attending with friends. Even if you are sat on the largely mythical singles table, they will all be getting to know each other ad you'll be chatting to your mum.

I'd find it far more constraining to be stuck talking to one lone person all day and night than to my friends and their partners.

Plus I think it's a bit daft to think of your friends as stuck with their partners, and as their partners as unknown and unknowable entities - if you don't spend time getting to know them, they'll stay that way. I love that my friend group has basically doubled with the addition of men and women who my friends love.

Fredastaireatemyjamsandwich · 19/11/2019 07:55

Your Mum offered to pay for her meal? That puts the hosts in an awful position.of course they are not going to charge anyone to attend their wedding. I’m assuming your Mum has been to a few weddings in her time - it was very bad manners to put anyone in such a position.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/11/2019 08:00

I've never been invited with a plus one so I find it totally normal.

winetomorrow · 19/11/2019 08:01

20 years ago my best friend came as a plus one to my dad's wedding. Everyone thought she was my sister (that refused to attend) and she fell asleep in the toilet. My sister still doesn't know of her reputation! I never understand the wedding angst, surely you plan it the way you want it and so that all the people celebrating with you will be happiest and have the best day. Shockingly I even got married in navy and some of my guests wore white!

Herewegoagain84 · 19/11/2019 08:04

Perfectly normal - otherwise where do you draw the line? Our policy was that partners were invited if we had met them, and certainly no blank plus ones - cost per head for a wedding can be crazy.

Herewegoagain84 · 19/11/2019 08:05

Oh and also you want to be surrounded by people you know and love - not strangers/acquaintances.

CalleighDoodle · 19/11/2019 08:06

Very common. TheIr wedding day isnt about how much you enjoy it. You're mearly an an extra in their day.

georgialondon · 19/11/2019 08:07

Totally normal

MyFartWillGoOn · 19/11/2019 08:10

You seem like you've taken the feedback but just for context, and as others have said, this is totally normal.

I know you only asked and offered to pay but where do the bride and groom draw the line? What if everyone asked to bring their mum or cousin or a friend from work.

There are just so many hidden costs.

Just to put it into perspective, we had 100 guests at our wedding. Food was £60 a head. We had a free bar as there wasn't a licence at the venue so had to buy it all beforehand and this was c £12 pp.

We seriously considered plus ones but had 25 friends that were single. Offering each of them a plus one was £1500 in food £300 in drinks, the venue then wanted one more member of staff to serve at £90 plus nearly three more tables set up c£150 (pushing venue to a squashed feeling)

So a simple 'blanket plus one' for single friends to us would have cost over £2k. Clearly we didn't do this!!!

It's not as simple as 'I'll pay for the extra meal'. And if an exception was made for you, other singles may ask the bride why they weren't offered to bring someone else.

Dwilson13 · 19/11/2019 08:11

Weddings can be expensive, just trying to keep the costs down. Get yourself there, relax and enjoy the day.

livefornaps · 19/11/2019 08:12

How old are you?! Why do you need mummy to hold your hand?!

Saddler · 19/11/2019 08:13

Very common why would they want a load of strangers at their wedding

Butterisbest · 19/11/2019 08:17

Dear God, some of the answers here are fucking awful. Telling the op she's being very unreasonable, rude and entitled
. All she's done is ask a question, she's said that she wasn't sure of the etiquette, she knows now. But you're still tearing a strip off her, who the fuck do you think you are?
Roxxxy
I hope you have a great time and really enjoy yourself.

Birdshitbridgegotme · 19/11/2019 08:22

I think if you know everyone there you dont need a plus1. If you know no one then it would be nice to give you a plus 1 so you ain't on your own all day/night. That's the only way I would give a plus 1 as that could dramatically up the wedding costs.its already hard enough with having to invite family you hardly see but feel you have to include. Plus I wouldnt want random people at my wedding