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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not allow my inlaws to stay at mine whilst we are on holiday

124 replies

forsale · 19/08/2007 00:13

they have hoards of crap and baggage and my house is for sale. We want to leave it in a presentable "showing" state so the agent can come and go as he pleases and not have to make arrangements. Dh, despite his objections will not actually tell his parents the answer is no. THey havent even asked me

OP posts:
Bibis · 19/08/2007 00:15

When I saw the title I thought yabu, but having read the explanation then YANBU, BUTTTTT you have to explain to them why not.

good luck

EricL · 19/08/2007 00:19

It's your house - put your foot down.

It is your money your and investment in the future.

Do whatever YOU think is right and think about how other people may feel later......

brimfull · 19/08/2007 00:19

ditto what bibis said

Original poster
forsale · 19/08/2007 00:58

i am quite territorial so my inner self feels that i dont even have to offer a reason. however i cant see us getting off that lightly. have hidden teh spare key just in case. They will also sleep in my bed which is a real no no

OP posts:
MilkMonitor · 19/08/2007 08:34

Mine would take this as an opportunity to rummage about, open DH's post and generally acquaint themselves v. well with our home and lives.

YANBU.

mm22bys · 19/08/2007 08:44

Why do they want to stay there anyway?

Given the circumstances (wanting to show to prospective buyers) YANBU.

twentypence · 19/08/2007 08:54

Given that it's for sale - YANBU.

beansprout · 19/08/2007 09:07

Why do they want to stay there?

YANBU

WideWebWitch · 19/08/2007 09:08

YANBU, say no.

WanderingTrolley · 19/08/2007 09:24

YANBU

Tell in laws the estate agent has recommended leaving the house empty for last minute viewing appointments, and if anyone should be there it's the vendors, to answer the buyers' questions.

Why do the in-laws want to stay?

LoveMyGirls · 19/08/2007 09:29

I cant have people sleeping in my bed, its MY bed so i wouldnt have it even without the house for sale so i htink you have extra reasons. Put your foot down and tell dh to stop being a wuss and tell him. Would he expect you to tell your parents if it was t'other way round? Yes of course he would!!

Original poster
forsale · 19/08/2007 09:31

well the official reason they want to stay for an "apparently" overnight now is because they have a flight booked for next thursday morning. In reality they will stay from next sunday when the house is empty for the same reasons as milkmonitor - i know this because they've done it before.

Dh has been speaking to his mother this morning and has told her he hasnt spoken to me about it yet (stalling for time). She says they desprately need help. He thinks if we say no it will ruin their relationship (wtf). Appaently I am driving a wedge in their relationship

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 19/08/2007 09:32

YABU

just tell them to tidy up & how important it is

and change the sheets when you get back

Original poster
forsale · 19/08/2007 09:34

travelodge round the corner is £26

OP posts:
Blu · 19/08/2007 09:56

If they really do want to stay overnight, I thnk you are being unreasonable. I think you are also being unreasonable and unhospitable in your reluctance to see the need to offer an explanation. I reaise you are planning to give them a reason but your reluctance is v telling. I completely understand why you wouldn't want them settling in for an extended stay when the house is for sale, but there are hints as to why your DH feels as if you are driving a wedge.

Original poster
forsale · 19/08/2007 10:20

so you think i should allow them Blu?

dh feels that his mum puts him on the spot and feels manipulated to say yes, hence he feels if he says no to them he thinks it will ruin their relationship. Obviously this is the way their relationship runs

OP posts:
NineUnlikelyTales · 19/08/2007 10:33

Pay for the travelodge by the airport and don't let them stay at your house. Why should you? They don't have a right to stay there and you have a perfectly acceptable reason for declining.

wolveschick · 19/08/2007 10:48

How about a compromise? I would not like this to happen to me either but will your DH really enjoy his holiday if this issue is hanging over him? How about telling them the agent has had viewings booked for Mon and Tues but that they should feel free to stay Weds night before their flight. Pitch it to them that you wouldnt want them to be in an awkward position if viewers asked them any questions they didnt know answer to and you wouldnt want them to have to hide all their stuff away when viewers come round/ or have it at risk etc etc.

YANBU but if you can settle it to suit you you may have a happier holiday yourself

Blu · 19/08/2007 10:58

Hmmm. That's a difficult pattern - and explains a lot.

Perhaps it would help if DH could take control of the communication from the start - not take control, exactly, but be pro-active. So rather than feeling manipulated and put upon by having to react, he could say "as you know we have put the house up for sale. The agents have suggested that while we are away is the ideal time to be able to show people round an empty house itout making an appointment. Obvioulsy it would be good for you to stay for the one night before you fly - we have left clean sheets and know that you will leave the place 'house doctor' perfect. The rest of the time, the agents have a key and could be openeing the front door unnanounced at any time! Have a nice holiday!" or "we're so sorry that it's such an awkward time, house for sale etc, of course normally you could come for longer, but given the situation, we've told the agents you will be there one night...etc etc"

Be direct, be assertive (which doesn't mean being bossy or agressive, just open and clear) but see it from their pov as parents / ILs, too. A welcome and hospitality is important in families!

Blu · 19/08/2007 11:01

Also, as it has become an issue, and is about more than the pragmatics of this stay (pattern of manipulation, put-upn-ness and wedge driving etc) it is important that you and DH get it sorted in a way you BOTH feel comfortable about otherwise if they do stay, the suspicion that any possible failure to sell house will become an axis of blame - between you and DH, between him and his parents....and in such a climate of family communication get worse and worse!

I hope your house does sell.

NKF · 19/08/2007 11:03

I'd let them but then I'm very easy going about this sort of thing.

Original poster
forsale · 19/08/2007 11:26

i think i will pay for the room at travelodge for them - we dont have a spare key for them as the agent has it. At least then they will have a local bed for the night instead of driving 45 minutes to the airport from where they currently are

OP posts:
beansprout · 19/08/2007 11:27

They want to stay so they don't have to drive for 45 minutes?!!

Original poster
forsale · 19/08/2007 11:30

yes apparently. its a 10.30 flight too so dont have to be at airport til 9.30

OP posts:
bookwormtailmum · 19/08/2007 11:36

A 10.30 flight and they're not going to be at the airport until 9.30? .

I'd be there at 8am if that were me just to get in the queue for check-in or security if I'd already checked-in online .

btw, YANBU - why should anyone stay at your house if they only live 45 mins away??