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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse to help with this lift?

152 replies

AnnieOH1 · 15/07/2019 14:47

I'm trying not to dripfeed so I'm going to do bullet points to make it simple.

  • Charlotte (not real name) has asked for a ride next week that will take between 1 and 1.5 hours one way.

  • Charlotte needs ride to sort next stage of interview process but would be working in same place.

  • Charlotte can't drive.

  • Public transport will take anywhere from 3 hours to 5 hours with 2 to 6 changes and/or multiple walks between stops of between 10 and 30 minutes.

  • Shifts may mean she can't take advantage of the shorter 3 hour journey times.

The way I see it, based on the above, if this was part of the process only with the job being local then I would be more than happy to help her as a one off. However given that at very best she can expect to commute 3 hours each way I can't see how this job can be viable. Charlotte maintains it is quicker by public transport than it is by car and she would be able to sleep (despite possibly 6 transit changes).

But is it really my place to make that decision? It feels like it would be a huge waste of time to take essentially a day out of my own schedule for something that realistically is not going to work. The company does not have any expansion plans locally and she is 1 month into a 12 month tenancy agreement (as well as having kids at secondary school).

I want to help but at the same time helping on this feels futile. Aibu to say no? And do I say why or make an excuse?

OP posts:
babysharkah · 15/07/2019 14:48

Just say no.

poorbuthappy · 15/07/2019 14:49

Surely the interview is the ideal time to check out the actual commute she's going to do?

Whitney168 · 15/07/2019 14:49

Surely if it's quicker by public transport than by car, she will be keen to use that for the interview ... ?

Mmmmdanone · 15/07/2019 14:50

I would say no.

Batqueen · 15/07/2019 14:50

If she’s happy to take public transport to work, why can’t she test it out for the interview to see if it’s viable?

madeyemoodysmum · 15/07/2019 14:51

Sounds like lunacy unless Charlotte is willing to relocate and no one could stick a three hour commute each way for long

groundanchochillipowder · 15/07/2019 14:52

You just say NO.

Penners99 · 15/07/2019 14:58

Say no

Patchworksack · 15/07/2019 14:58

Mumsnet Bingo - no is a complete sentence.

Let her do the batshit public transport journey and come to the conclusion it is just not feasible.

RockyRolly · 15/07/2019 15:00

Charlotte needs to move or look for a different more suitable Job and also learn to drive.

BullBullBull · 15/07/2019 15:00

You need to tell her it’s not viable in the long term.

Jellybeansincognito · 15/07/2019 15:00

I’d give her the lift- it’s not your call.

You’d give her a lift happily if the job was closer to home, so why not just because of the circumstances?

Dexterslockedintheshedagain · 15/07/2019 15:10

Why is she asking you?
It's not your place to decide if the commute would be viable for her, that's her decision. But it is up to you to decide if you want to put yourself out for her.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/07/2019 15:12

If it's easy by public transport, it's easy for the interview.

MissConductUS · 15/07/2019 15:17

Anytime I've started a new job I've tested the commute by doing it before the first day. She should try the public transport option by trying it before the interview. She may well decide that the interview is pointless.

skybluee · 15/07/2019 15:20

I'd give the lift.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 15/07/2019 15:20

Does she have to attend a number of interviews to not get any benefits sanctioned? does she secretly know she wont get the job or it wont be suitable but she has to pretend it's for her?

Just wondering why else she would consider it, you can get a long way in an hour's drive.

RockyRolly · 15/07/2019 15:21

Seriously who the fuck commutes 3 hours to and from work every day
Noone because its absurd. If they do its because they earn billions and choose to commute but probably do it by private plane 🤷‍♀️

fruitbrewhaha · 15/07/2019 15:21

No thanks, Charlotte is an idiot.

pasturesgreen · 15/07/2019 15:21

Yanbu.
She needs to see for herself that a 3 to 5 hours commute is just not viable, and she won't do that as long as there are people willing to drive her.
If she gets the job, can see the threads from her colleagues trying to get out of lift giving arrangements.

RosaWaiting · 15/07/2019 15:24

Say no
Is she looking for interview practise and just using you for that, I wonder. She can’t possibly be considering a commute that long. And how much will it cost?!

Gitfeatures · 15/07/2019 15:27

Charlotte maintains it is quicker by public transport than it is by car

Why does she need a lift then?

Piffle11 · 15/07/2019 15:28

Charlotte is mad if she thinks this is going to work well for her day in, day out … I agree with poor - the interview is the perfect time to check out the commute travel. Why would she get a lift to the interview, only to find out when starting the job that, actually, I can't hack this every day?! Using public transport to get to the interview will help her work out whether she's willing to put up with it for the job. I think I would be advising her to check out the public transport tbh: I think she's being ridiculously naïve. You don't work from home, do you? This isn't something where she's going to end up regularly asking you to take her to work, is she, saying it's too much for her on PT?

Piffle11 · 15/07/2019 15:33

Charlotte maintains it is quicker by public transport than it is by car

I'm confused how she can think this, when it's 1-1.5 hours drive, but 3-5 hours by PT? Am I reading this wrong? You said the best she can hope for timewise is 3 hours each way

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/07/2019 15:33

She can’t seriously be contemplating the job unless it’s double the salary or something. I would imagine this is interview practice as Rosa says. I think you should gently tell her it isn’t feasible.

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