Apologies for the delay in getting back to this thread. I wrote out a huge reply this morning and Chrome crashed for me. :( I'm going to try and reply to everyone like I did last time but I'm doing it in Word so if links don't work apologies again!
Just going to add here as it's been raised a few times, for us to get to a nearby township it is 10 minutes door to door in the car. However to get via public transport that same journey becomes 45 minutes to an hour (depending on route) and up to an hour's wait for the next bus.
@womenspeakout - You've raised a reasonable point actually. We'll be going within minutes of the place on Saturday en route to a race track. She may have heard me talk about going there before and not realised it was a strictly weekend/bank holiday thing.
@INeedAFlerken - She's offered to pay "towards" fuel but at the same time I don't think she's got the money to do it. That said I'm not sure she's got the money to pay for travel costs. It may be that she asks for help with that next :/
@Eliza9919 - Yes sadly it is each way. I've cottoned onto why she believes that it's only an hour max via public transport. The train between here and the nearest station comes in at 50 minutes to 1 hour (at certain times in the day it makes two more stops than at others). However this ignores the walk and buses to get the nearest transport hub local to us, and it also ignores the 30 minute walk the other end. It also doesn't give any consideration to the fact that the buses that leave our immediate locality only run every 2 hours at best. I might advise her to ask online for people's experiences of such commutes - poor you, I don't mind so much driving long distance but not every single day.
@MitziK - That's simply horrifying and not just the thought of wearing a pink tutu! You've provided good insight though why , if this is a benefits situation, she may have been forced into applying for this role as, on paper, it's only an hour's commute (and 1.5 hours in rush hour according to the sat nav).
@Jeezoh - Yes she would want a lift back, realistically I think it's going to take around 6 hours out of the day. I'd want to set off 2 hours before we're due there (because it would be that we have to go through rush hour too) plus waiting round during her interview and then the commute back which should only be around an hour.
@Whosorrynow - What grounds you ask? Probably just because it's in our church's culture that's what you do. And what harm is there in asking I suppose, especially if it's going to get someone out of a fix. I'm not sure I would ever want to ask it of anyone myself but then I also know that realistically I've got family I can rely on to help in situations like that, without asking for help from the church. My biggest worry though, from this thread in fact, is that this becomes a regular request. If she's late for work, if there's a rail strike, if she has an appointment to attend locally for her kids or the doctors etc.
@Loveislandaddict - No I honestly don't think she can afford it. I've crunched the numbers (I'm a bit of a geek in that regard) both using public transit and a personal car which, not including the cost of learning to drive, means she'd be in a far worse position than she is currently. The wage she'd be on would rule out tax credits too.
@fedup21 - She's asked because she can I suppose, it's that simple. I honestly think it will take about 6 hours. I'm lucky in one way that I don't do a lot of the "actual earning money" jobs for the business, maybe only about 30% of my time these days is on that side of things the rest is spent marketing, invoicing etc. If it was going to cost the business though it would be upwards of £500. It'll be around £40 petrol.
@Drum2018 - In different circumstances I'd absolutely be willing to drive her that far, and further. If there was value in it. If she needed a ride to see a dying grandmother, or needed a ride to the far side of the country for an interview that would result in a local job, I wouldn't struggle to make the choice to help her.
@Pinktinker - I know I've put this in another answer but I just wanted to re-iterate that I believe I've worked out why she believes it's so short. The main train option from a local transport hub to one local to her intended place of work takes 50 minutes to an hour (this depends on time of day when it has two additional stops for no reason whatsoever I can see!) She has ignored that there is a walk and buses to get to the local transport hub, that our local bus service out of the immediate area only runs every 2 hours at best and the 30 minute walk the other end. The routes that require less walking require more changes.
@fedup21 - Realistically it will take around 6 hours I believe from leaving my front door to coming home.
@GrabbyGertie - I really don't think I have over analysed it. Yes I was genuinely unsure of what to do. I'm a big believer in helping without asking, there's actually a scripture that basically says that if a man asks for your coat give him your jacket too. It's the whole if someone asks you to walk a mile, walk two thing. However I also believe that we have to be wise stewards of the resources we are given, for me that includes time as well as the car and petrol. I just don't feel on balance that, on this occasion, that it wouldn't be an unwise use of those same resources.
@Sanityisamyth - She is literally a member of my church, nothing more than that.
@Marmalady75 - We can be in London by public transit in less time than it will take her to get to where she wants to be via public transit! I'm planning on having a talk with her on Sunday about it because I don't believe it'll be practical on public transit or via private car.
@Fargo123 - It is only this thread that has made me realise the distinct possibility that it becomes a regular thing if she was to get the job.
@InvisibleHamster - She's definitely not planning on moving home. Her kids are 11 to 15 years old and her idea is that she'll suck up the commute until they're at college/university and move then.
@ThumbWitchesAbroad - I'll be really shocked if this is because of DWP. :( Terrible. I'm planning on talking with her more on Sunday.
@Happynow001 - If she tells me that she risks sanctions then yes I would be more inclined to help her out with it. Simply because if she gets sanctioned then she'll end up coming to the church and asking for financial assistance and I'd rather not place the church in that position when, for the sake of a day, I can prevent it happening. Especially given someone has quoted sanctions of over a thousand days. That's just punitive. She's offered to pay "towards" the fuel.
@fedup21 - I came back first thing this morning but Chrome decided to crash as I wrote all this up. :( Just managed to sit back down to go back through it all again! She's offered to pay towards petrol, and I've not managed to speak to her yet. Planning to on Sunday.
@DisplayPurposesOnly - I would give her the lift in a heartbeat if I felt it was warranted, but I don't. Especially not now listening to folks here on Mumsnet!
@CrossPelican - She doesn't intend to move for a number of years because of her children's education. One is 15 in the middle of his GCSEs and the youngest is 11.
@PuzzledObserver - That's a great idea and not one I would've thought of, I love the internal combustion engine a little too much ;) I will definitely suggest it to her though.
@Sindragosan - I agree with you there, and I've seen it before with people who "church shop and hop" to get assistance whenever and wherever they can. However I've also been bitten several years ago with being far too judgemental. We had a group of people attend our church who were from a different country. They "walked 3 miles barefoot in the snow" to get there. Around ten years went by when I saw a video by the global church which included one particular woman from this group who'd raised my ire at her son's baptism. They had returned to their home country, predominantly Catholic, and were helping build the church there. She'd had a total and complete transformation. They'd gone from being helped to helping. As a result I'm very wary of essentially writing someone off.
@Ragwort - I do completely agree with you that there are people who do that and I will be speaking with our church leaders to make sure I'm not the one being taken for a ride!
@LagunaBubbles - I'm guessing she wants the lift for ease and to avoid any stress before her interview. I know I wouldn't want to struggle to find somewhere before an interview.
@MissCharleyP - She technically does live an hour from there, by car and outside rush hour!
@NotPizzaEater - No she definitely can't work from home in the role she's going for nor is there any ability to change to a more home-based role like say a nurse moving from a hospital to community practise. She definitely isn't moving home (and can't anyway for the next 5 months due to the tenancy agreement). She's asking me I guess because she's not really got anyone else to ask!
@TeddyBear45 - I've done similarly long commutes but only where it's been 1 train journey where I could work/sleep if needed.
@Stucknoue - Even if she does learn to drive, by the time she's factored in costs of a vehicle and insurance (that I can imagine will be ghastly) she'll be working for very little.
@DanielRicciardosSmile - Sadly no it's 3 to 5 hours each way and will be wholly dependant on when her shifts start and finish due to waiting for the next service available. I've crunched the numbers on that and, if it were a case of her being paid from the moment she leaves home to the moment she gets back (I know that wouldn't be the case because it's her regular place of work) she wouldn't actually get a legal rest period. There's no way she is going to get to see her children except on her rest days when, no doubt, she'll be busy resting and catching up on everything in her home that will end up slipping by her absence.
@DanielRicciardosSmile - You raise a very important point, what will happen if the services are cut further or changed. Not to mention of course rail strikes.
@Serenoa - I think you've hit the nail on the head there, no she's got no idea how much it actually costs to be doing something that isn't working.
If I've missed anyone I'm sorry! I am going to speak to her about it as gently as possible that it just isn't practical. I can also foresee that if she did get the job, even if she did manage to drive herself there, I end up becoming the defacto "parent" liaising with the school etc given her distance from home. Thank you all!