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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse to help with this lift?

152 replies

AnnieOH1 · 15/07/2019 14:47

I'm trying not to dripfeed so I'm going to do bullet points to make it simple.

  • Charlotte (not real name) has asked for a ride next week that will take between 1 and 1.5 hours one way.

  • Charlotte needs ride to sort next stage of interview process but would be working in same place.

  • Charlotte can't drive.

  • Public transport will take anywhere from 3 hours to 5 hours with 2 to 6 changes and/or multiple walks between stops of between 10 and 30 minutes.

  • Shifts may mean she can't take advantage of the shorter 3 hour journey times.

The way I see it, based on the above, if this was part of the process only with the job being local then I would be more than happy to help her as a one off. However given that at very best she can expect to commute 3 hours each way I can't see how this job can be viable. Charlotte maintains it is quicker by public transport than it is by car and she would be able to sleep (despite possibly 6 transit changes).

But is it really my place to make that decision? It feels like it would be a huge waste of time to take essentially a day out of my own schedule for something that realistically is not going to work. The company does not have any expansion plans locally and she is 1 month into a 12 month tenancy agreement (as well as having kids at secondary school).

I want to help but at the same time helping on this feels futile. Aibu to say no? And do I say why or make an excuse?

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnieOH1 · 17/07/2019 18:11

Well you all are right. She's asked for another lift today "can you give me a lift to XYZ and back again". It will take 2 hours although the distance is 10 miles (20 minutes plus time to park plus walking through pedestrian area, appointment and reverse of journey there). I can't even reply to her right now.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 17/07/2019 18:23

Well you all are right. She's asked for another lift today "can you give me a lift to XYZ and back again".

If she doesn't drive she may have no appreciation of the cost and bother required to own and run a car. Tell her that if she doesn't drive and has transportation needs she should setup an account with Uber as you don't have the time or the funds to run her about.

Grumpelstilskin · 17/07/2019 18:24

She latched on to you. Just politely decline and tell you don't have time. she will start to expect it all the time and take you for granted.

groundanchochillipowder · 17/07/2019 18:31

Regardless of how clueless she is, you need to be clear and firm or she'll persist.

gratuitousspoon · 17/07/2019 18:41

Yes this is becoming a grade A CF situ

TowelNumber42 · 17/07/2019 18:57

All you need to text in response is "No, sorry"

Personally I wouldn't bother with the sorry but I suspect adding sorry would make you feel better about the message.

You give no reasons, no excuses, no explanation, no apology (beyond the polite sorry not sorry).

Don't respond too quickly to her messages either. Always wait a few hours. It makes it harder for her to badger you.

greenwaterbottle · 17/07/2019 18:59

I'm sorry, I'm working and I can't afford extra fuel costs.

PanamaPattie · 17/07/2019 19:02

Don't say sorry. Just say no.

TowelNumber42 · 17/07/2019 19:18

I'd take this opportunity to also let her know you can't drive her to the interview. Blame work.

"No, sorry. By the way, you know that lift to the interview I said I'd get back to you about, well I've worked out it's just not possible. Good luck with the interview. See you at church x."

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/07/2019 19:20

It was always going to happen, but then I guess you knew that really

Best to shut it down completely before the requests get even sillier, and in this situation I'd even avoid offering yourself as "emergency back-up"

Original poster
AnnieOH1 · 17/07/2019 19:32

I've already got out of the interview (I blamed work which is true as I made sure to schedule a client) but allegedly it has been rescheduled by the company... I won't be offering believe me.

Oh and I've had text, Facebook messenger and email so far in the space of 3 hours. Text then email (in case I check that more when I'm working...) and finally Facebook. I feel like booking a last minute holiday for August but I realise that's a bit drastic!!!

OP posts:
Weezol · 17/07/2019 20:10

This is exactly what the 'block' function is for.

One word reply 'No' and then block on everything. Polite smile on Sunday and keep walking.

Is it worth a heads up to your pastor/priest that she may latch on to a more vulnerable member of the congregation?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/07/2019 20:11

I've had text, Facebook messenger and email so far in the space of 3 hours

Pushy, isn't she? Hmm

No need to book holidays to avoid this (unless you want to of course!!). Just say no and mean it; you'll have to do it in the end, so may as well make it now and save yourself some angst

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/07/2019 21:00

Gosh how awkward. Power to the vipers!

fedup21 · 17/07/2019 21:05

What have the messages said?

Original poster
AnnieOH1 · 17/07/2019 21:31

@weezol - I'm going to bring it up with leadership because this is getting super ridiculous now.

@fedup21 - The same message. Not so much as a "how you doing today" just "Can you give me a lift to xyz and back home" repeated twice more.

OP posts:
Whosorrynow · 17/07/2019 21:52

I would be tempted to wind her up a little bit but don't, she's bad news and whatever you give her she'll use it to draw you closer

Loveislandaddict · 17/07/2019 21:55

She’s keen!

I think you need to reply ‘Sorry, not possible’, and then ignore. Don’t respond and hopefully she will get the hint.

Beautiful3 · 17/07/2019 21:58

I would just say, "sorry im working. " what can she say to that?! Nip it in the bud before she keeps asking.

fedup21 · 17/07/2019 22:00

Even though you’ve said no? How odd!

How did you tell her no? She doesn’t seem to have got the message

fargo123 · 18/07/2019 00:29

She's a user and CF, plain and simple.

Tell her 'no' you won't be her (undoubtedly free) chauffeur. Then block her on everything. She'll soon find another person to leech onto. This type always do.

Gingersstuff · 18/07/2019 00:52

At least she’s shown her true colours as a CF early on, which actually makes it easier to nip this in the bud now. Just a quick “No, that doesn’t work for me” should do it. Repeat as necessary. No apologies or explanations needed. If you don’t do this now, she’ll dig her heels in. Good luck.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/07/2019 03:10

fedup - no I believe this is a different lift that's being asked for now, 3 times by different methods.

The OP has successfully fended off the job interview lift.

serenoa · 18/07/2019 12:20

I've always thought of a lift as something you do for someone because you're going that way, at that time, for a purpose of your own, and there's space in your car. What Charlotte's asking you is to be her chauffeur but in your own car. A CF with bells on.

Whosorrynow · 18/07/2019 12:27

Just reply that she seems to have mistaken you for a taxi driver, you could perhaps helpfully include the numbers of some local taxi firms?

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