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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse to help with this lift?

152 replies

AnnieOH1 · 15/07/2019 14:47

I'm trying not to dripfeed so I'm going to do bullet points to make it simple.

  • Charlotte (not real name) has asked for a ride next week that will take between 1 and 1.5 hours one way.

  • Charlotte needs ride to sort next stage of interview process but would be working in same place.

  • Charlotte can't drive.

  • Public transport will take anywhere from 3 hours to 5 hours with 2 to 6 changes and/or multiple walks between stops of between 10 and 30 minutes.

  • Shifts may mean she can't take advantage of the shorter 3 hour journey times.

The way I see it, based on the above, if this was part of the process only with the job being local then I would be more than happy to help her as a one off. However given that at very best she can expect to commute 3 hours each way I can't see how this job can be viable. Charlotte maintains it is quicker by public transport than it is by car and she would be able to sleep (despite possibly 6 transit changes).

But is it really my place to make that decision? It feels like it would be a huge waste of time to take essentially a day out of my own schedule for something that realistically is not going to work. The company does not have any expansion plans locally and she is 1 month into a 12 month tenancy agreement (as well as having kids at secondary school).

I want to help but at the same time helping on this feels futile. Aibu to say no? And do I say why or make an excuse?

OP posts:
INeedAFlerken · 15/07/2019 16:30

I wouldn't do it, but if you truly felt you should, I would tell her you expect the £40 in fuel costs up front. And make it clear this is a one-off, if she were to accept a job so ludicrously far away from where she lives when she doesn't drive/own a car, you won't be taking her to or from work. Ever. You have you own job and life.

eggsandwich · 15/07/2019 16:33

I would say that by her making her own way to the interview it would give her a good insight into how long the journey is as she can’t expect people to give her a lift all the time, maybe she should look at learning to drive.

Eliza9919 · 15/07/2019 16:33

Public transport will take anywhere from 3 hours to 5 hours with 2 to 6 changes and/or multiple walks between stops of between 10 and 30 minutes.

Is this each way? Or total travelling a day? I did 2.5hrs door to door each way so 5hrs a day for a year and it was brutal. It made me fat, from eating convenience food, on top of having no time for anything else.

That level of travel is not sustainable.

MitziK · 15/07/2019 16:39

When it comes to UC, if they tell you to stand on your head whilst wearing a pink frilly tutu and singing a song about a goblin, you do it.

The travel requirements for a suitable place are 90 minutes. Whilst the actual rules may say 90 mins by the usual method of transport, if an individual advisor decides that this means car, perhaps because they asked 'how did you get to your last job?', it's a massive risk to argue with them, as they can simply say she has failed to comply with her job seeking requirements and is therefore sanctioned for a period of 91, 182 or 1,095 days (the latter if she's fallen foul of them before).

Jeezoh · 15/07/2019 16:41

I presume she wants a lift back too so you’d have to wait around for the interview, which is presumably at least an hour? So that’s around 4 hours out of your day? I’d say no for that reason alone!

Bwekfusth · 15/07/2019 16:42

3-5 hour commute each way so potentially a 10 hour commute on a bad day? Is she off her tits?

Howyiz · 15/07/2019 16:43

You barely know her! Just say no!

Whosorrynow · 15/07/2019 16:57

what makes her think she has grounds to ask such a favour of you?
What favour will she offer in return, or will she try and take a mile once you've given an inch?

Loveislandaddict · 15/07/2019 17:23

If it were just for the interview, and the actual job was more local, then maybe yes (providing she re-imburses petrol costs).

However, the job is there also. It’s not practical. She may expect you to take her in when she is running late (accidentally missed the train/overslept, feeling poorly, bad weather etc.).

Commuting that distance will cost money also. Can she afford it?

Also, rush hour traffic is worse than normal traffic, so the time could be longer.

Beautiful3 · 15/07/2019 17:32

I think it's a waste of time and not practical in the long run. Just say no, it's not viable.

Bookworm4 · 15/07/2019 17:36

I really don’t think the DWP are enforcing this, their expectation of travel is an hour each way not 6 per day!

LovePoppy · 15/07/2019 17:45

That’s a massive ask

I wouldn’t do it as she’s not someone close

Weezol · 15/07/2019 17:49

Charlotte is taking the piss. Back away quietly.

QuckTheDuck · 15/07/2019 18:00

Its a no.

fedup21 · 15/07/2019 18:08

Why has she asked you?

How long will it take out of your day? Is that losing you money?

How much petrol will it take?

Fairenuff · 15/07/2019 18:23

It's a no from me.

Drum2018 · 15/07/2019 18:31

The interview, the madness of the commute, whether she will manage public transport if she gets the job, and anything else to do with it has absolutely no baring on the decision to drive her or not.

Simply put, a newish acquaintance, Charlotte, has asked you to drive her somewhere next week that will take nearly 3 hours round trip. Regardless of the reason for the trip, are you willing to drive her that distance? I'd be saying a firm No. You don't need to faff about with excuses or explanations. You simply say 'No, I'm not available to do that'.

Pinktinker · 15/07/2019 18:35

Confused why she thinks it’s quicker and easier by public transport but is asking you for a lift?

Also that commute is absolutely bonkers, it would be utterly exhausting and not what anyone wants after a long shift. She needs to look for more local jobs or learn to drive or both.

fedup21 · 15/07/2019 18:41

Tell her you can’t commit to that amount of time. How long do you think it will take out of your day?

CodenameVillanelle · 15/07/2019 18:51

She's asking you to do a 3 hour round trip and she barely knows you. Just say no.

GrabbyGertie · 15/07/2019 20:59

Wow, you have massively over analysed this😂😂 You are allowed to say no when someone asks a favour. Were you genuinely unsure of what to do?

Whosorrynow · 15/07/2019 21:48

Does she think you're a free bus service?

Yesicancancan · 15/07/2019 21:52

I don’t think you should even try to explain the logistical pita of this for a commute. It’s not your decision.
But ... I’d be in China that day.

sanityisamyth · 15/07/2019 22:02

Who the fuck is Charlotte?!

Marmalady75 · 15/07/2019 22:32

You can get a train fron london to Edinburgh in under 5 hours. How far is she travelling???

Seriously though, I’d have a chat with her and explain that you are happy to help out, but point out that unless she can drive (and has a car) then it’s probably not practical.