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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids playing in street

119 replies

Daydreamer34 · 22/06/2019 17:26

Hi my kids are still only young. Youngest is 4. Other children in surrounding houses play out but my husband and I aren't comfortable with ours doing that yet as they aren't road aware etc enough to be trusted. I will occasionally go out with them and watch them but I don't want to be doing that all the time. We have a large garden with lots of play things and hubby and I want to sit out and relax in our own garden with our own kids and pets .
My aibu is that my kids are hating me for it. They are begging to go out almost every day. I've explained as best as I can but it causes lots of arguments. The other children also knock on for them.
I know people feel differently about it, some don't mind at all which is fine. But it's driving me mad that my kids are getting so upset and it's making me feel a bad mum, but if I give in then I'm doing something I don't agree with. Any advice?

OP posts:

Shootingstar1115 · 22/06/2019 17:37

This is so hard. I’m with you on this. DS cannot really go out and play alone as he has additional needs but even if he didn’t I wouldn’t be comfortable. He does get upset that he can to go out though.

DD is only 4 and I’m not sure I’ll ever be comfortable with her playing outside.

There are tiny children playing on the street near ours and maybe I’m just over anxious but I feel it’s an accident waiting to happen. Some of them venture onto the road to play on the bikes and scooters even at 4-5. Scares me!

Could a couple of their neighbourhood friends play in your garden (after talking to the parents ofc).

Original poster

Daydreamer34 · 22/06/2019 17:52

Yes we don't mind them playing in ours but we don't want it every day or every weekend. Our kids have friends over and they go to others houses so they do socialise, it's just this that causes problems. We live in a cul de sac so reasonably safe, but balls get kicked down driveways and into cars etc and half the people here are older who don't like it so that makes me wary too.
It is so hard because I would love them to go and play and have friends, I just can't bring myself to let them. My sons currently sitting in the front window watching them out playing making me feel guilty again. Also my kids go to bed at 7, the kids play out in the street til 9, so I'm putting them in bed whilst they can hear the others. Makes me feel awful

OP posts:

BigRedLondonBus · 22/06/2019 17:55

Well kids are allowed to play out, it’s still light at 9 o’clock. How old are your children?

Treaclesweet · 22/06/2019 17:59

All very well that the youngest is four, but how old are the older ones? I think after a certain age YABU tbh. Kids need to learn social skills, not just sit in the garden with you and your husband, you will stunt them.

BeanBag7 · 22/06/2019 17:59

I probably wouldnt let a 4 year old play our but 6 or 7 year old I would. However we live on a close with a green so they wouldnt be near roads or other people's driveways. It also depends on your neighbours, do they mind?

Jemima232 · 22/06/2019 18:01

Let them play out FFS.

WorraLiberty · 22/06/2019 18:05

Take turns with your DH and play out there/sit out there with them for a little while.

This is what we did for an hour or two a day when ours were little. Then we'd sit and relax in the garden of an afternoon/evening.

Gatehouse77 · 22/06/2019 18:05

It was about 6/7 before we let ours play out front. Mostly because (before restrictions were brought in) our road was a slalom of parked cars and too risky for such small (physically) and unaware children.

Their safety is my priority and I put up with the whinging or distracted them depending on our respective moods!

WorraLiberty · 22/06/2019 18:06

I meant to say, if the older ones are older than 6 or 7, I'd let them play out on their own and just check back in every half an hour or so.

But that's only if you can trust them. You know your own kids.

Original poster

Daydreamer34 · 22/06/2019 18:13

As I said I know there will be plenty on here who will disagree with me, that's fine. But my question is not should I let them play out? I aren't letting them play out regardless. I just want to know how best to deal with it and how to try and stop my kids fixating on it.

There is a couple of little ones that play out unsupervised, door is shut and house doesn't face the road, and the amount of near misses they've had is crazy. I just see it as completely lazy parenting. You have to be so careful pulling into the street. I feel like everyone else has to parent their kids because they aren't out there. I don't want my kids doing that and putting their safety at risk just because the others are out there and I feel obliged to.i also don't want to spend my Weekennds and evenings after a long day standing in the middle of the road watching a group of kids play. There's no other adults there

OP posts:

rainbowunicorn · 22/06/2019 18:13

What age are your kids. You say the youngest is 4 but what about the others. To be honest the reason we live where we do is that it is great for the kids to go out and play.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 22/06/2019 18:19

Don't children learn social skills at school @Treaclesweet?
I agree with you OP your children aren't being deprived because you don't let them play out.

LL83 · 22/06/2019 18:19

Make inside more fun is only option I can see. You will have to do some brilliant entertaining. Personally I would rather supervise on street until I was confident they are road aware.

What is long term plan will you ever let them out?

LL83 · 22/06/2019 18:22

@CherieBabySpliffUp they will learn some social skills at school but playing unsupervised is how they learn to be independent. Can only be a good thing to do it at home as well as playtime in school.

BigRedLondonBus · 22/06/2019 18:23

Well there is nothing you can do. Children are allowed to play out. Move somewhere where there is a main road, no children play out round my area.

Original poster

Daydreamer34 · 22/06/2019 18:25

Yes i will certainly let them out when they are older, 9 or 10 probably, so that's a long way from now. My kids are all under 8.
The reason we bought this house was because of the large garden and have built everything for them out there, tree house, monkey bars, slides, swings, trampoline, Wendy Houses etc plus huge lawn with football goals. My husband wants them out there using that rather than out the front annoying the neighbours. I am over protective, i dont deny it. But it seems that others the complete other extreme and get to spend their weekends almost child free as they are out unsupervised for many hours. Even if mine were out I'd be out there too

OP posts:

reefedsail · 22/06/2019 18:30

If they are older than 7 YABU.

Read some of the research about children's independent outdoor play.

WorraLiberty · 22/06/2019 18:32

I'm not sure what you want then OP?

Just tell your kids no and if that upsets them and you still don't want to go out there and watch them, they'll just have to accept that.

Popfan · 22/06/2019 18:37

Totally agree with you - I wouldn't let mine out either at that age. Tricky though. I think you are going to have to sit out there with them, annoying as that is. Maybe if you do it for a little while and then say they have to go in the garden.

DisorganisedOrganiser · 22/06/2019 18:40

YABVVU. There is nothing you can do to stop them wanting to play out. Yes, they will be unhappy. You have to accept this if you won’t suck it up and go out with them.

I lost hours and hours outside watching my kids play out. It’s how it is.

Disneydarlings · 22/06/2019 18:42

One of the reasons we bought our house was the large flat garden that we could see from the kitchen. we explained that she could go out the front if one of us was out there but otherwise she couldn't go out. Now she's older she goes out on bike but I would not let her play on the road when she had no road sense.

CherryPavlova · 22/06/2019 18:51

Ours have never ‘played out’ in the street. I’m not sure I know anyone whose children have.been allowed to play in the street. Gardens are best place for them to play until they are old enough to play at school or at friends houses.

NameChange9854 · 22/06/2019 18:51

Maybe get them some games consoles with addictive games and try to get them to forget about outside?

WomanLikeMeLM · 22/06/2019 18:54

No yanbu, i have the same issue, i live in a quiet cul-de-sac where all the kids are tearing up and down the street right the way to the bottom of the road. They constantly ring and ask if my youngest is coming out to play, and i always say no. I feel bad for him as i caught him watching out his window and he looked fed up. We have a large garden with trampoline, football post, basketball net etc, so although i do feel awful saying no, i have invited the kids in the back instead as a compromise.

Roonerspismed · 22/06/2019 18:54

I don’t let my kids play out on the road yet and they range from 4 until 9.

Yes we all played out as kids. But my friend was knocked down and killed age 6.

I don’t think kids can judge traffic speed or indeed remember to look and therefore I would be reliant on every tesco or amazon delivery van being vigilant and not looking at their GPS.

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