Kids playing in street

[Daydreamer34]

Hi my kids are still only young. Youngest is 4. Other children in surrounding houses play out but my husband and I aren't comfortable with ours doing that yet as they aren't road aware etc enough to be trusted. I will occasionally go out with them and watch them but I don't want to be doing that all the time. We have a large garden with lots of play things and hubby and I want to sit out and relax in our own garden with our own kids and pets .
My aibu is that my kids are hating me for it. They are begging to go out almost every day. I've explained as best as I can but it causes lots of arguments. The other children also knock on for them.
I know people feel differently about it, some don't mind at all which is fine. But it's driving me mad that my kids are getting so upset and it's making me feel a bad mum, but if I give in then I'm doing something I don't agree with. Any advice?

@Jemima232 at 4 years old? Never mind ffs

YABU for saying 'hubby'

Thing is OP, your children will want to. Nothing you can do about that. You’ll have to live with the moaning until you’re comfortable to let them.

Letting the others play in your big garden is the obvious answer to soften the blow. Let them play in the gardens of other willing parents? When other kids call, say ‘they can play in our garden or in yours but not on the street’? Otherwise I’m afraid you’re isolating them.

OP, I could have written this post. DCs 6 and 4, kids 6+ calling for them to play outside. Our street is a cul de sac too, but I feel that cars go too quickly on it. I feel awful not letting my DCs out, they have a garden to play in and can bring friends there to play, but they want out in the street. I feel that I’m being cruel to be kind. They’re not road wise.

I'm with the op. Kids don't play in the street around where I live anyway so was never an issue, obviously they will ride bikes on their way to somewhere. I was never allowed to play in the street when I was a child but didn't often see anyone who did. We all played in back gardens or went to the park where we were allowed to ride our bikes.

Whatever, four is too young, they need supervision at that age.

I live in an estate which is off the main road, with loads if kids. Mine played out from about 6 or 7. They've both said recently that they loved that childhood experience.

Four is too young alone. So you go out with them . Everyone plays out here from about 2. Parents go out too with the young ones. It is a massive hassle but you have to do it.

Yes i will certainly let them out when they are older, 9 or 10 probably

My daughter had grown out of wanting to play out by that age.

But I was happy about that because that's the age when I became more worried about the influence of other kids. When she was smaller it was just playing houses in the front gardens (modern estate where you aren't allowed walls or gates, so they had a free run of our front garden and all their friends front gardens).

If you don't want to let them play out, which is your decision and a perfectly valid decision, then there is nothing you can do but accept that they will feel left out. Nothing you can do will change that.

It doesn't matter how much you have spent on toys for the garden, even if you had Disneyland out there your DC will want to play out if that's what the other kids are doing. As pp said, you can either let them out and watch them, or keep them in. It will be an ongoing battle though.

It will be an ongoing battle for years!

So how old are the group that are playing out ? And how old are your children ?

You’re digging in for a big battle with your kids with this.
Kids will want to play out, and join in with others if they’re out too. The compromise will be to have them playing in your garden then over in the neighbours garden- not in the street. I’ve also spent lots of hrs watching my DD in the garden with friends as her older brother was playing out, and she wanted to as well.

Mines 8 and I'm just about to call him in.
Independent play with others without an adult directing play is important i think

And its great in the summer hols when they are out the front and i can wallow in the front room with a tea and a book for hours

I live in a new big estate. It was built in stages so he kids tend to be different ages.the kids from other streets play out independently (usually bikes or football in the big green). In my area kids are under 6 so all parents stand around chatting while kids play on the green . Yeah it's a pain but my dd 4 loves going out to her little friends and my 1yo potters on the grass with the other babies. DH and I take it in turns but tbh the neighbours are lovely.
No one would ever leave child unsupervised that is a few years off.

YABU- otherwise they’ll get age 18 having no idea how to cross a road safely or remember to take jumper. They’ll be fine as long as you teach them. You sound like a lovely loving mum and I admire your bravery in asking MN. Xxx

I admittedly wrap my DC in cotton wool but the risk just isn’t worthwhile imo. I hate seeing young children roaming the streets alone, especially on scooters or bikes. It terrifies me when I’m driving, I always expect one of them to fall into the road.

In your OP you say part of the reason you wont allow them out is because they aren't road aware but how are they meant to become road aware without being allowed to go out?
Mine started playing out independently from about 6. Set firm boundaries (you can only go between these houses or I must be able to see you from the window etc) then gradually increase that as their, and your, confidence grows.

I'd say whether yabu depends on lots of things. What kind of town/city/area you live in. What the other kids are like. What your kids are like etc. I would let my 9 and 6 year old play in a cul de sac where I live but 3 year old would have to stay home which he would be super upset about. So get how it's not going to be easy. Like others suggested I'd just say make it attractive for the other kids to want to play in your garden and regularly invite them to do that when they knock on the door. Or tell your kids to go and knock on their doors to ask them to come to play in your garden.

My oldest has just turned 8 and has only just been allowed out to play on the street. Ages range from 4 - 10 from the children playing out but there is quite a lot of them that play together. My nearly 7 year old will probably be allowed to play out a little bit over the summer but then my youngest who's 3 wants to play out too so I'm constantly in the front garden anyway. Might set up a little table and chairs there lol.

Where are these streets/estates where the little angels all play happily in their gardens?
Out to play kids become safety conscious, good social skills, independent, please don’t molly coddle them.

I totally understand what everyone says about it encouraging their independence etc and that is how they build their road sense etc. If all the adults are out there that's great too.
But in my street no other adults are out so it would just be me looking on at all of them who are used to playing completely unsupervised.
Of course everything is all about compromise, so as I said in my original post I will sometimes go out and do it, but it just makes them want to do it more and more of course, they want to do it 7 days a week. The other kids are out 7 days a week. My husband won't go out at all and do it so I have noone to take turns with and i just don't want to spend my life standing in the middle of a cul de sac, and I don't see any other parents doing it either around here.
Of course, the obvious answer is for the them all (10 of them) to come in our garden. Which again would end up being every day. Their houses have tiny gardens which is why they play out understandably, so ours can't go to theirs. I know some people love having other people's kids round and letting them run in and out of their home etc but I don't, I feel massively stressed and my personal space invaded. So it's not really an option either.

Thanks everyone for your responses, as I thought everyone has very mixed views, im glad to see im not the only one who doesn't allow it. I also understand those that do.

Out of interest, what is your dh's opinion of letting them play out?

You can't make it better. They want to be out playing like all the other kids and you won't let them. All the explanations in the world won't matter to them, all they see is you refusing to let them play and other parents not having an issue with it.