Kids playing in street

[Daydreamer34]

Hi my kids are still only young. Youngest is 4. Other children in surrounding houses play out but my husband and I aren't comfortable with ours doing that yet as they aren't road aware etc enough to be trusted. I will occasionally go out with them and watch them but I don't want to be doing that all the time. We have a large garden with lots of play things and hubby and I want to sit out and relax in our own garden with our own kids and pets .
My aibu is that my kids are hating me for it. They are begging to go out almost every day. I've explained as best as I can but it causes lots of arguments. The other children also knock on for them.
I know people feel differently about it, some don't mind at all which is fine. But it's driving me mad that my kids are getting so upset and it's making me feel a bad mum, but if I give in then I'm doing something I don't agree with. Any advice?

I have ds8 and ds4
The eldest often has friends knocking on the door and my go-to reply is "you can come to play in the garden if your mum knows where you are". It's normally 2/3 children at a time and they involve the youngest in thier games, so it's much less stressful for me than allowing the oldest out and having to keep an eye on him & manage the youngest's disappointment at being kept in (4 is far too young to play out imo). I have at times in the last year agreed to ds8 going out providing he stays on our side if the street, but I prefer him not to.

OMG let them out and sit on a chair with a book/phone watching them. We live on a cul de sac and there are no other kids. I'd give anything to have kids calling for mine.

Also - let other kids into your garden (with parents permission). If you have all that equipment they'll probably love it

I'd tell the kids to direct their annoyance towards their father since he is the one who refuses to supervise, whilst you do it occasionally. If both of you have agreed that they need to be supervised, it's pretty crap of him to then say 'but I'm not doing it myself'.

Round here as soon as they can walk (if not before) they play out. Before that they are carried. There is no sudden age they are allowed. While they are too young you stay out with them. And yes, get nothing else done for hours. This goes on for years. I find it more stressful to supervise a load of kids in the back garden as then you are very definitely responsible for them all. You won’t be able to relax then either. Tbh I have always found relaxing or enjoying the garden completely incompatible with children being awake.

I don't really feel comfortable with my DC playing out but I compromise by allowing neighbourhood kids into our garden to play with my DC.
However lines can and do become crossed when friends start asking for toilet and wanting drinks etc and I've found myself with a house full that have wormed their way in from my garden....
Also some kids don't seem to understand that just because they were allowed in your garden to play one day doesn't mean they can turn up every day at whatever time and demand use of your trampoline. This annoys me as it's always the children of the parents who won't allow your child in their garden or show any goodwill at all.

I'd let them in your garden whenever they call, yes pain in the bum for you but unless you want your kids to feel gutted by not being like the rest it's a price you've got to pay. I grew up in a street like that and really wanted that sense of freedom for my kids, but it's just not done round here, so we have the opposite problem!

The kids from our street do play in our the garden but they certainly aren’t allowed in / out the house too as part of that.
I can see them from the window, the most that happens is DD will occasionally come in and ask for some water for them and I make it for them.
I think it’s really miserable if your DH to not take turns, watching them if they are young. they are missing out on valuable friendships because of this attitude. This won’t go away either.

Personally I have never seen any parent standing in the street supervising, this is why OP you don’t see anyone doing it, that’s the point of them playing out;to be independent.
However lines can and do become crossed when friends start asking for toilet and wanting drinks etc
I’m laughing at this ^ it’s part & parcel of your kids playing with friends!! I’ve probably fished out 1000s of ice lollies, crisps, elastoplasts over the years.

*dished not fished 🤣

Bookworm4.... That's the thing, your laughing because the lady isn't happy giving out drinks, lollies etc all the time but i feel the same.
Just because your a parent doesn't mean you have to change your own personalities and preferences now you have kids. I am a private person, I dont enjoy socialising, I dont want to have a houseful of other people's kids and have to feed and water them. I don't like other people's kids. I am the adult so why I should i have to do something that I'm really uncomfortable with just to please my kids.

I used to sit on the doorstep with a book or magazine so I could keep an eye on mine. Couldn't you compromise and let them play out for a while then play in the garden? I grew up in a city and lived on a busy road so I was never allowed to play out and I so wanted to. That's why I compromised with mine.

I am the adult so why should I do something that I’m really uncomfortable with just to please my kids?
Because that pretty much sums up large parts of parenting!

To be honest, roads are for cars and pavements are for pedestrians. Children learn road-sense by walking to school, shops, friends with an adult who makes them stop at the kerb, look both ways and cross when it is safe. As so many journeys are made by car, there are fewer opportunities for youngsters to learn this on a daily basis.

Their houses have tiny gardens which is why they play out

Nope, they play out because it's more fun.

OP- you say you get stressed with others/ socialising... I'm saying this gently- do you want your children to grow up feeling socially anxious?

Maybe there is a middle ground- let the older ones play out for an hour, but set boundaries. Explain where they can go, and that they must come ask if they want to go elsewhere.

Maybe let everyone in your garden one afternoon/ after school a week.

I'm with you OP. My youngest is 6 and is only just being allowed out with his older brother and on condition that they stay together with a certain distance of the house. He certainly wasn't allowed out at 4. he still gets upset if older brother goes off with his friends elsewhere so he cant go out, sometimes i take him out on his bike or to the park, sometimes he has to just get used to the fact he cant go out. Thats life, you cant always do what you want.

I also understand the not wanting kids in your garden all day and traipsing thru the house, I was the same when the older ones were little but i put up with it (actually they didnt traipse thru the house as they simply weren't allowed) because it meant my children could have friends to play with + I also knew where they were and that they were safe. It doesn't have to be every day.

As PP said sometimes you have to do things you are uncomfortable with as part of being a parent, that includes your dh getting off his arse and going out with them (looks pointedly at own dh)

Friends in the street are a good thing, that’s why your kids are mithering you about this. It’s appealing to them, they can see others having a good time and want to join in.

Handing out a couple of cups of water / ice lollies to facilitate this is not the end of the world.
Your kids will end up resenting you for this, and parenting involves doing things that aren’t particularly enjoyable for adults but we do it for the enjoyment of the kids - I doubt soft play is anyone’s idea of a good time?

Is there a way of the kids getting into your back garden without going through the house? If so, I'd do that. Then you can sit in a corner of the garden and ignore them, or in the house if you prefer. No need to feed and water them, we don't.

We live in a cul de sac on an estate with lots of speed bumps so it's pretty safe. DD would be miserable if she couldn't join in with kids having fun.

eddiemareswife said: "To be honest, roads are for cars and pavements are for pedestrians. Children learn road-sense by walking to school, shops, friends with an adult who makes them stop at the kerb, look both ways and cross when it is safe. As so many journeys are made by car, there are fewer opportunities for youngsters to learn this on a daily basis."

I agree, cannot understand anyone allowing their child to play in the street. Can they not go to a park? As for back gardens that are small, thinking about it, my back garden when I was a child was small but it didn't stop me playing in it, nor anyone else who had similar. My mother would never have allowed me to run around the street but then nobody did! My child played in garden and house with friends, when old enough would go on bike to the park but it would never have occurred to him or any friends' parents to let them loose in the street.

I grew up playing out on the streets with my friends and I loved it. My oldest plays out on the street now and so will my other children when old enough. It's part of anyone's childhood playing outside with friends.

I've bit the bullet and they are playing out. I'm doing some gardening in the front to distract myself

Nope no way, I think playing out in the streets is just lazy parenting and the whole "it's good for them" is rubbish. They can mix socially round people houses at clubs etc but not in the street.
Just tell your kids they aren't allowed, end of discussion, sorry but mummy and daddy aren't happy with that. You can only go outside with mummy or daddy and that will be for x amount of time.

Great update OP .

I wouldn't let a 4 year old play out without an adult closely supervising, and to be honest, I'd judge anyone who does it as being a piss poor parent.

magnetic, as has been repeatedly said on here, yes you should supervise a child that age playing out. My kids have played out since they could walk. I have spent hours and hours of my life outside supervising. Eventually they get old enough that you. An supervise from more of a distance.

I never said I'd judge anyone supervising their kids ffs. Please read properly. It's the ones saying 4 is fine to let them play out alone.