Kids playing in street

[Daydreamer34]

Hi my kids are still only young. Youngest is 4. Other children in surrounding houses play out but my husband and I aren't comfortable with ours doing that yet as they aren't road aware etc enough to be trusted. I will occasionally go out with them and watch them but I don't want to be doing that all the time. We have a large garden with lots of play things and hubby and I want to sit out and relax in our own garden with our own kids and pets .
My aibu is that my kids are hating me for it. They are begging to go out almost every day. I've explained as best as I can but it causes lots of arguments. The other children also knock on for them.
I know people feel differently about it, some don't mind at all which is fine. But it's driving me mad that my kids are getting so upset and it's making me feel a bad mum, but if I give in then I'm doing something I don't agree with. Any advice?

I'd let the older ones play out and have chats about road safety and how some people don't like the noise of a ball or shouting and screaming outside their house so if people come out and glare at them that they should try and notice it and move away. The younger one I'd let out for a while and supervise as you have been doing. They're young for such a short time and you'll probably look back on this time and wish you'd let them play out when they wanted. My youngest is ten and goes off to friends on his own and its a sad feeling when you're not needed anymore

However lines can and do become crossed when friends start asking for toilet and wanting drinks etc These kinda of posts make me really sad. Kids are "crossing a line" by using your bathroom and having a drink? Put a couple of glasses of water on the countertop and be done with it.

I can't imagine the atmosphere some people are raising their kids in when they're being restricted in playing with the kids on the street. Don't you want them to have relationships with the kids around them?

Independent play with others without an adult directing play is important i think

I couldn't agree more.

Just because your a parent doesn't mean you have to change your own personalities and preferences now you have kids. Personalities and preferences? No. But behaviors - yes. Honestly, if you're not willing to change your behavior to account for the fact that you have children, you've got your priorities wrong.

I’m laughing at this ^ it’s part & parcel of your kids playing with friends!! I’ve probably fished out 1000s of ice lollies, crisps, elastoplasts over the years

Me too! I buy freezer pops in bulk over the summer as do all the parents on the street. My kids run around in a little posse with the neighbor kids and I adore it. It's practically an open house policy and it's one of the reasons we love it here. I appreciate that I'm on the extreme end of "neighborly hospitality" and not everyone feels the same, but I really feel for the kids whose parents are so unsociable that they resent giving a cup of water to a child.

At that age mine could have friends inside or in the garden but they only played out if DH or I were outside supervising. Even then it was the open front garden and pavement outside it.

The way it works here is that kids go back to their own houses for drinks and food, no ‘drop in’ kid (as opposed to a play date) has asked for anything. I love it how when a new kid moves in to the street the others go and call for them. Much more welcoming and open than adults.

How old are the kids who knock on the door?

One of the places I lived as a child the street was quiet and we played out but the older kids looked out for the younger ones.

Some of the smaller children were only allowed out when certain older ones were there, and the same with the one child we would, these days, describe as someone with severe learning disabilities.

I'd actually talk to some of the kids, explain that yours are not used to playing on the street, then let them go, and watch out of the window terrified something will happen.

Give them a time, 1/2 an hour,or an hour outside and you will call them in.

Just take a cuppa and sit out the front on the step with them until you feel they are old enough

By the way I don't think letting your children out to play is 'lazy parenting' it's brave parenting

We have never let ours play on the street. They never ask or whine etc. I think that taking them out side times sending mixed signals in a way. Maybe just have a blanket rule of not playing on the street?

@avocadoincident surely if anything it’s an absence of parenting? Nothing wrong with that per se, children need space from their parents but you can’t really call it an active form of parenting (boarding school is a good analogy, it’s good for children but very little actual parenting is involved).

@avocadoincident I'm sorry but when the children are out 7 days a week in all weather, and the adults are inside, doors closed, curtains closed then i do think it is lazy parenting. These parents are not watching the kids or even checking on them at any point.
I spend hours each day entertaining my kids, spending time with them etc whether they enjoy it or not is another matter, but these other parents must spend such a minimal amount of time with their kids just providing the basics of food, bath and bed. I am going to judge people like that

Obviously the parents you speak of seem to be very laid back about playing out and monitoring which I wouldn't be comfortable with. But there is a balance to be had here.

Playing in a garden is safe and predictable and at times boring. The children know they are being monitored and they know how all the toys work and how it feels to use the equipment. So yes they are outdoors and yes they are socialising but it's not experimental or as exciting. It's the same as when they are in school.

Being out the front offers so many more opportunities and unpredictabilities. That is scary to us grown ups.

So I think we need to be brave and let them out. Even (as I am) the only parent going out and watching my child. The kids come and chat to me sometimes and I feel that I'm making a relationship with these future 'youths' who I will need to live by and who inevitably will be friends with my child. It's easier to get to know them now than in the future

We lived in a small cul de sac my son started playing out at age 6/7ish. Occasionally before then with us out in the street too.
He's 10 now and younger ones do play out with the older ones.
I don't think you're being unreasonable, it's personal choice. I can't ever get my boy in now he loves to be out.

As with everything, the middle ground is ideal.

Parents who ignore their children and let them run totally free are lazy.

Parents who can't let go at all are overly anxious.

Perfection lies somewhere in between!

Don't be sorry, Daydreamer. You have an extremely valid point of view.

My street isn't really safe to play out on. Poor visibility, narrow pavements but some kids still do. My DD 7 would love to play out occasionally but she is away with the fairys most of the time and would get run over. Her 4 year old brother probably has more road sense. I just say no. I would like to live somewhere safer but we have a lovely street in other ways.

avocadoincident: Just take a cuppa and sit out the front on the step with them until you feel they are old enough

I had to laugh at that. I have a mental picture of a lady sitting on a deckchair outside the front door, drinking tea, wearing a full length 'pinny' and a turban or hairnet with rollers in her hair.

Where on earth do people sit outside at the front of their house?

I'm not sure what the big deal is about playing out in the street. Streets are not for playing in. Our garden, parks, beaches, the downs behind our house, the promenade beside the beach, these are all places my kids enjoy playing outdoors. They have never shown any interest in hanging around aimlessly in the street like some kids in our street do because they have better things to do. I would let them play in front of the house but they've never asked.

@Bluerussian I sit out almost every day for at least half an hour whilst I watch my daughter playing. No deckchair and curlers but I might look into that as it's a quaint image

I just can't get passed that tour 8 year old goes to bed at 7..
No way in hell could've I get my 8 year old to bed that early especially in the summer!

Invite the kids into your garden instead. I'm sure they'd love to play on all the lovely things in it.

I wouldn't allow my kids to play in the street, I rephrase that: I don't allow them! I didn't allow them when we had a flat, even less now we have a garden.

You just tell them "no", they can go in the garden.
Mine have loads of after-school clubs, loads of toys in the garden, we invite friends around, we take them to the park, there's absolutely no need to be in the street making themselves a nuisance for other people.

I don't barbecue in the street, or hang my laundry in the front lawn, it's not a difficult concept.

Mine don't go to bed at 7pm, that I would find tricky - not as making a rule, but it means they miss the best hours of the day in the summer, and they would get up too early.

EarlGreyofTwinings, you've got it in a nutshell.

Even people in flats, who don't have a garden (some do), don't let their children play in the street. They take their kids to the park when the weather is good, when it's bad they do the same as everyone else, play indoors. There are areas, though, which I've driven through, where you see children out in the street, unsupervised. I wouldn't live somewhere like that, never mind have kids there.