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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make my lazy arsed DS (17) join the Navy?

110 replies

QueenOfTheEighthKingdom · 26/04/2019 12:04

By 'make', I mean give him the option to join up or leave home.

He is like a stoner but without being stoned iukwim. Extremely lazy, disorganised, will spend more time arguing about doing something than actually doing it and is totally wasting his educational options at the moment. Currently failing his first year of A levels completely due to lack of effort (not capability). Argued incessantly he would pull his socks up after his GCSE's and that he wanted to do A levels despite me knowing he wouldn't put the effort in(managed an A in Maths and Sciences despite doing no revision at all but failed the rest). Still needs me get him up in the morning. Overslept this week when he wasn't due at college until 1.30pm! Lies about having had a shower etc.

He needs a massive kick up the arse and quickly. He's only interested in skateboarding, hanging with his mates and listening to head banging music/jackass type videos which I'm sure has addled his brain.

He needs a complete change of environment to change his habits. I have no doubt he'll pass the tests and probably love it when he's into it, although is not on board now.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Prequelle · 26/04/2019 12:06

YABU

The people in the Navy aren't there to sort out your parenting problems.

mbosnz · 26/04/2019 12:06

Um, is the Navy likely to WANT your lazyarsed son?

Inliverpool1 · 26/04/2019 12:08

Friend of mine from school got marched down to the army recruitment office at 16 and they made a man out of him, he now earns a fortune in personal protection for Nelly and the like. Another man I dated was basically a mental wreck after serving three years including a tour of Afghanistan so you never quite know how these things will pan out

Inliverpool1 · 26/04/2019 12:10

From what I’ve heard the Navy is definitely the better option than the army though, but as a result they may well be more picky who they take

MereDintofPandiculation · 26/04/2019 12:12

YABU

You would not be unreasonable to say that if isn't studying hard for his A-levels, then he has time to contribute to the household and can get a weekend or evening job. And stop paying for non-essentials (his clothes, toiletries, phone etc).

GemmeFatale · 26/04/2019 12:13

So having failed to bother with basic parenting for his early teenage years you’d like the military to sort it for you?

Great plan. I’m sure they’d love an under qualified, under motivated teenager.

JoMos · 26/04/2019 12:14

You are certainly not being unreasonable to want your son to do something positive and proactive with his life or to have concerns about how he is living at the moment and where he is headed.

I would be careful with binary choices - joining the armed forces, specifically the Navy, is well ... Quite specific. That may or may not be for him. But if you are to apply for the armed forces it aught to be something you really want for yourself and are going into for all the right reasons .... Not because you are being pushed or persuaded or because you simply can't think of anything else.

He may feel a little lost and be unsure of what he wants right now. You can try and give him that space while setting out he has to make some changes because while he is living with you there are going to be some rules and he needs to be doing something with himself.

Original poster

QueenOfTheEighthKingdom · 26/04/2019 12:14

I have no doubt he would be a credit to the Navy if he's in an environment where's he forced to do stuff at risk of humiliation in front of his peers or 100 press ups.

Definitely would only consider the Navy not Army.

I can see him still living at home into his 30's without extreme intervention.

OP posts:

Prequelle · 26/04/2019 12:15

The Military isn't just somewhere for parents to offload the kids they cant discipline

JellyBabied · 26/04/2019 12:17

YABVU. Joining the military is not something that anyone should be forced into and it's extremely unlikely that they'd want him anyway, considering that he doesn't want to join.

Original poster

QueenOfTheEighthKingdom · 26/04/2019 12:17

He is highly intelligent, physically fit and generally a great kid, very well thought of by his peers but he's so fucking lazy. Too many distractions and addicted to screens!

OP posts:

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 26/04/2019 12:17

I have no doubt he would be a credit to the Navy if he's in an environment where's he forced to do stuff at risk of humiliation in front of his peers or 100 press up

If he's demotivated, lazy and disorganised, he's unlikely to make it anywhere near any press ups. They are quite selective and people work hard to get in. He's even less likely to get in if he is only doing it because you want him too.

By all means, enforce some boundaries. It sounds like he'll probably rebel against them; so it won't be fun, but set clear deadlines and consequences and make him get a job and do something productive with his life. The navy isn't likely to do that for you, though. It's not like military service.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 26/04/2019 12:17

I'd go with the get a job & not funding him option or look into a military sixth form if you can manage it. Might be the shock he needs?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 26/04/2019 12:18

They wont take him if he's 'made' to join up.

S'sides which,its not all bobbin' about on the oggin. DB in the RN was deployed in war zones, on land, with a rife. You'd be the first to complain if your DS was sent back in a body bag. It happens.

Backwoodsgirl · 26/04/2019 12:21

My dad pretty much dragged my brother through the door of the recruitment station....he was kicked out the US Navy during basic training when his background check came back with drug charges he had hidden from everyone.

It was a shame, he could have done well. 4 years later he is seems to have sorted his life out.

managedmis · 26/04/2019 12:24

I'd do it.

EKGEMS · 26/04/2019 12:27

My older brother was the exact same way scored amazingly high in IQ and aptitude but just lazier than a sloth! In fact his teacher told my parents he was the laziest student he'd ever taught in his 25-year long career! Only lasted less than a year at university and dropped out without graduating with a degree and has had to fight his entire life to compete with university educated peers. Still lazy in other ways-had military recruiters banging on our door as he took an assessment and scored superior on those exams but never could have tolerated being forced to work

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 26/04/2019 12:29

...and then war was declared!
Sorry couldn't resist the futurama quote.
I assume you've tried to motivate him with other career options?

corythatwas · 26/04/2019 12:30

The Navy, like the Army, is a job where you potentially could end up dead or damaged (physically or mentally) for life. It is also a job where you might end up killing other people, whether soldiers or civilians, sometimes for reasons you might struggle with afterwards. And it can be difficult to adapt to civilian life afterwards. A good 3/4 of the beggars in our town centre are ex-servicemen: there's probably some reason why they are so over-represented compared to the plumbers and electricians.

Not saying nobody should join up. For some people it is absolutely the right thing to do. But it is not imho a decision anyone should make on the behalf of somebody else. And I would not have allowed my son to join until he was an adult.

I also have a pretty lazy teenager. Our deal is "once you leave college you will get a job or an apprenticeship."

Northernlurker · 26/04/2019 12:33

I really wonder why some people bother having kids when they plainly end up disliking them so much.

Op - he's a teen. His brain doesn't work like yours. Consider his mental health as your primary focus. Lazy but happy is better for now than driven and miserable.

Broken11Girl · 26/04/2019 12:34

Agree with pp, it's something HE has to want to do, or he won't get in.
Imagining
Recruiter: Right then, why do you want to join the Navy?
Your DS: Erm, my mum wants me to?

Langrish · 26/04/2019 12:35

You couldn’t force him. The recruitment officer would work out your motivation in minutes and send him on his way.

fruitbrewhaha · 26/04/2019 12:35

Thing is OP, perhaps the Navy would rather recruit the intelligent motivated kids.

VanGoghsDog · 26/04/2019 12:37

What makes you think the navy would want him?

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 26/04/2019 12:42

Wow. My daughter plans to enter the Navy in the next couple of years when she leaves school. She's incredibly sportive, involved in two team sports, Scouts, excellent school reports (she is, however, dyslexic and not very academically inclined), recommendations, etc. It's not a cast off heap for stoners and losers who are lazy! Far from it. Nice that's how you view the men and women who are serving in our Forces.

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