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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make my lazy arsed DS (17) join the Navy?

110 replies

QueenOfTheEighthKingdom · 26/04/2019 12:04

By 'make', I mean give him the option to join up or leave home.

He is like a stoner but without being stoned iukwim. Extremely lazy, disorganised, will spend more time arguing about doing something than actually doing it and is totally wasting his educational options at the moment. Currently failing his first year of A levels completely due to lack of effort (not capability). Argued incessantly he would pull his socks up after his GCSE's and that he wanted to do A levels despite me knowing he wouldn't put the effort in(managed an A in Maths and Sciences despite doing no revision at all but failed the rest). Still needs me get him up in the morning. Overslept this week when he wasn't due at college until 1.30pm! Lies about having had a shower etc.

He needs a massive kick up the arse and quickly. He's only interested in skateboarding, hanging with his mates and listening to head banging music/jackass type videos which I'm sure has addled his brain.

He needs a complete change of environment to change his habits. I have no doubt he'll pass the tests and probably love it when he's into it, although is not on board now.

AIBU?

OP posts:

canadianbanana · 26/04/2019 12:44

Why don’t you try to deal with the issue yourself rather than offloading your parenting job to the some information from universities and colleges, trade schools, etc and HELP him, rather than calling him a lazy ass. Maybe he’s a bit overwhelmed by the future and is hiding by distracting himself. Sometimes teenagers need help and guidance, rather than a kick in the ass. Let him know you want to help him find a future for himself, as he can’t spend it sitting on his arse playing games. There are also education programs out there for kids who are great with electronics, video game design, graphic design, etc.

IHateUncleJamie · 26/04/2019 12:45

Jesus Christ, I hope this is lighthearted. Addicted to screens? He’s under 18; set some boundaries and enforce them!

Is he studying subjects that HE chose? If not, there’s one of your problems.

If he is, remind him of that and set a homework timetable with him where he gets quiet time to work with no phone next to him. Offer to get him a tutor if school think it would help. Hanging out with mates happens after his homework is done.

Did he pass English GCSE by the way? He’ll need Maths and English at the bare minimum for most things.

ReanimatedSGB · 26/04/2019 12:45

He is a person, not property. you don't get to sell him to an organisation just because you gave birth to him. A lot of young people would have profound ethical reasons for refusing to join the armed forces in the first place, let alone the fact that he doesn't sound suited to that kind of life anyway.

Also, I despair of people who think that there is an inherent virtue in 'hard work' for the sake of it.

user1486131602 · 26/04/2019 12:45

I e was the same til I told him : if you fail you will out of school and work in McD until you save enough for resits!

No result: so a trip to the job centre for him to be told £40 a week benefit or zero hour contract stopping claiming benefits and earning as low as 1 hour wage a week £8 ish, not including travelling costs and lunch.
Funnily enough passed all GCSE 's A grade and above, same for the first yr of 6th form. Going to UNI this year with A* in computer programming and cyber crime!

A trip to the job centre and a reality check is the best way.....can't argue with govt!

DarlingNikita · 26/04/2019 12:46

It's not a cast off heap for stoners and losers who are lazy! Far from it. Nice that's how you view the men and women who are serving in our Forces.

TBF I don't think that's the OP's reasoning. She thinks they'd knock him into shape.

But I think it's a bit drastic. Start by enforcing that he pays for his bed and board, does his bit around the house etc.

ReanimatedSGB · 26/04/2019 12:46

Also, frankly, a job to do with music, skateboarding or computer games might not only be more enjoyable, but a better option than a life of obeying unimaginative dickheads for a pittance.

Amazonfromkent · 26/04/2019 12:47

I'm appalled at the conclusions that because her son is lazy and unmotivated OP has failed as a parent/provided bad parenting. WTF? What kind of fucked up logic and from may I inquire, outstanding parents whose children have saved humankind? Exactly, I thought so. And please, go away with your statements that navy and army welcome only the elite recruits. What a load of shit that is.

TheQueef · 26/04/2019 12:48

Be careful.
I went to Army recruitment to see about one of my dc joining and ended up with a new partner, ex now.
He was a good influence though and quite nice.

RomanyQueen1 · 26/04/2019 12:51

Didn't you raise him? Surely, you're responsible how he turns out.My dc were far from perfect, I looked at our parenting and what we needed to do.
You can't expect the navy to have an idle person.

Norma27 · 26/04/2019 12:51

I don’t believe you should make him join the armed forces. If he wants to sign up then fine.
Obviously tell him he has to get a job tho.
My brother was a US Marine when 911 happened. He was then sent into war zones. He is absolutely traumatised by it and won’t talk about it at all. He saw his mates get blown to pieces. It was his choice to join up tho.

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 26/04/2019 12:55

A trip to the job centre and a reality check is the best way.....can't argue with govt!

Most Job Centres won't even let you in unless you're there to for an appointment. They're not there to 'reality check' teens and now you even have to apply for benefits online. The other small issue is that people under 18 have to have 'special circumstances' (such as leaving care) to even be eligible to claim Universal Credit, which is what new claimants apply for now.

ghostyslovesheets · 26/04/2019 12:56

how has he been accepted to take A levels with 3/4 GCSE's and no English pass?

Have you actually spoken to him and discussed his choices/options etc?

He sound like he knows you don't care so why should he? In your eyes he's a useless failure - maybe he thinks so too :(

Poor kid - the Navy wont want him either

teta · 26/04/2019 12:58

I have one of these. But he’s only 14.
He’s one of several kids and the only one who acts like this.
I’m highly amused at the fact the op is being criticised for bad parenting. Do any of you posters have teenagers?
The armed forces were traditionally thought to make a man out of useless feckless teenagers. Einsteins they do not expect😁.

stayathomer · 26/04/2019 12:58

Oh my word this is the most extreme thing I've ever heard on MN!!! Yabu!!!

ghostyslovesheets · 26/04/2019 12:59

actually the armed services do expect qualification for most professions

I have 2 teenagers - I also work with teenager in care and care leavers - many of them with way more issues than OP's son.

The armed forces also take women now

MrsFoxPlus4 · 26/04/2019 13:00

Is he really that bad? Have you spoke to him about why he’s struggling or why he’s being lazy? I find people rarely ask people how they actually are.

IHateUncleJamie · 26/04/2019 13:01

Do any of you posters have teenagers?

Yep. Mine’s at Oxford (her choice).

DonkeyHohtay · 26/04/2019 13:02

What makes you think they'd want him? What does he have to offer? It's not like a finishing school for feckless teens.

HotSpotSpot · 26/04/2019 13:03

Some nasty comments on here. There is no suggesting the OP could be bothered parenting her son or that she doesn’t like him. Some kids are more difficult than others and sometimes that’s despite the parenting.

OP, I might wait and see what happens with your sons exam this year and see how he is over the summer. I’d cut back on any ‘privileges’ he has such as lifts, phone contracts, money or other treats.
I’d also try and get him to look into uni courses etc to see exactly what options he will have if he doesn’t buck his ideas up.
I’ve know a lot of kids his age bugger up the first year of A’levels then go on to knuckle down and do well.

Could he switch to BTech next year? It’s not a disaster if he loses a year.

HotSpotSpot · 26/04/2019 13:05

Agh!!! TYPO..... I meant to write there is no suggestion the OP could NOT be bothered to parent her son.

Sorry OP!

Amazonfromkent · 26/04/2019 13:06

He'd be snapped up by Army/Navy. OP isn't suggesting he join the officers club asap. Stop glorifying the quality of the uptake at the above organisations. They'd love to have ANY recruits. OP says her son has plenty of ability, can't you bloody read?

Katterinaballerina · 26/04/2019 13:07

Are you in England?

GummyGoddess · 26/04/2019 13:08

No, insisting that someone join an organisation where they will potentially need to kill people is wrong.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 26/04/2019 13:09

I also work with 2 ex army recruiters (I work alongside MoD so everyone{ here is military). They demand some effort and respect from the kids they engage with. Its to get you into that mindset. I should imagine the navy take a similar approach tbh.

User10fuckingmillion · 26/04/2019 13:09

Signing your son up to support state sponsored murder sound a bit dodge tbh OP

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