Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make my lazy arsed DS (17) join the Navy?

110 replies

QueenOfTheEighthKingdom · 26/04/2019 12:04

By 'make', I mean give him the option to join up or leave home.

He is like a stoner but without being stoned iukwim. Extremely lazy, disorganised, will spend more time arguing about doing something than actually doing it and is totally wasting his educational options at the moment. Currently failing his first year of A levels completely due to lack of effort (not capability). Argued incessantly he would pull his socks up after his GCSE's and that he wanted to do A levels despite me knowing he wouldn't put the effort in(managed an A in Maths and Sciences despite doing no revision at all but failed the rest). Still needs me get him up in the morning. Overslept this week when he wasn't due at college until 1.30pm! Lies about having had a shower etc.

He needs a massive kick up the arse and quickly. He's only interested in skateboarding, hanging with his mates and listening to head banging music/jackass type videos which I'm sure has addled his brain.

He needs a complete change of environment to change his habits. I have no doubt he'll pass the tests and probably love it when he's into it, although is not on board now.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Catsandbootsandbootsandcats · 26/04/2019 14:32

Yvan eht nioj.

fluffiphlox · 26/04/2019 14:37

If he is as you describe, I doubt they will want him.

TooManyPaws · 26/04/2019 14:47

The Royal Navy are pretty fussy about who they take as they want qualified, committed technicians; there really isn't a role for lazy muscle in modern warships, unlike the older ones still in use in other navies such as the US Navy. I was in the reserves for years, then the cadet forces, did an Admiralty Interview Board, and have put several well-qualified young people forward for selection. Some of them made it through, others didn't - some of whom were then snapped up by the Army.

They don't taken just anyone and you should know that if you come from a Navy family. He wouldn't last through the first couple of weeks of basic training if he is as lazy as you say.

bookmum08 · 26/04/2019 14:55

No one should be forced to go into the military unless they want to. I am always grateful for those who do so we don't have to have conscription or compulsary military service any more.
So he likes skateboards?
Is he in a club?
Could he join a club or start a club?
Teach skating to younger children?
Campaign or raise money for new skateboarding facilities for your town?
Organise or take part in a skateboarding competition?
Lots he could do and be involved with that is actually connected to something he has an interest in.

HotSpotSpot · 26/04/2019 14:56

There is no suggesting the OP could be bothered parenting her son or that she doesn’t like him

People aren't saying that, they're saying forcing someone into a tough career to fix any issues they have with authority discipline etc seems extreme

There are definitely some posts that say that.

justasking111 · 26/04/2019 14:56

Who is paying for his phone, music etc?

Tevion10 · 26/04/2019 15:00

Give op a break many people go through this with this age group.

justasking111 · 26/04/2019 15:01

He is not too old to take away his phone. I did just this week again because he was not studying. He gave it to me after a few moans. I put it on the mantelpiece and said he had to do five hours study. I have removed the x box controls in the past he now asks if he can use it.

Be the parent here. When DS was 16 he had to find a weekend job, two years later he is a valued employee there and gets all the perks because of his longevity at the job. He is off to uni. in September, but we still make sure he does his revision before he can do his job. He does love the money.

BikeRunSki · 26/04/2019 15:04

I went out with someone like your son, although he was 20. His mum made him apply UK the Navy too. He didn’t pass the interview, because he hadn’t really done much positive to talk about but my goodness he would have looked hot in the uniform

wigglesniggles · 26/04/2019 15:05

Erm it's a bit of a limited choice. How about option 3. restarts A Levels?

NorthEndGal · 26/04/2019 15:14

My husband is with the CF (Canadian Forces) and is a naval officer. Also parents of a 20 to and a 22 yo, so aware of what teens can be like.
The Navy, or military in general, is not a place for lazy people!
It's a job with a lot of opportunity but a lot of hard work too. You have people's lives depending on you, it's not the place for shiftless laggards.
If there was an emergency, would it be fair to have other people depending on him? Give your head a shake.

You need to tell him that part of living at home is being productive. Either he contributes by getting a job, or he looks after the house/garden/cooking/cleaning etc in lieu.
If he won't do either, off he pops to his own house

JustAnotherPoster00 · 26/04/2019 15:20

Catsandbootsandbootsandcats

I remember that from my Bloodhound Gang fandom days Grin

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 26/04/2019 15:50

I have always thought of the Navy as more of a peacekeeping and humanitarian force

Ahahahahaha

Yeah, its basically the scouts. No one ever gets hurt or traumatised or kills anyone.

(I'm from a naval background BTW)

stucknoue · 26/04/2019 15:58

My dd is in the navy, he won't last the week, actually he won't make it through selection. You have to be very driven in today's armed forces, she would be his boss and honestly they don't want him

Mrsemcgregor · 26/04/2019 16:11

@Catsandbootsandbootsandcats

Beat me to it Grin

IHateUncleJamie · 26/04/2019 16:52

@Hotspotspot @teta asked a question, I answered. That’s it.

Teta, if you don’t like the answer I gave, don’t ask sarky questions. Simple. 👍

OP You’re being a little inconsistent, tbh. At 17 if he is living with you and not paying rent, he’s not “too old” for you to take his phone away if, as you said earlier, he’s addicted to screens.

Is he studying his choice of A Levels?

Linning · 26/04/2019 17:56

My lazy arsed brother got into the military after years of doing nothing and we all let out a breathe of relief thinking it would be the making of him. He lasted 6 MONTHS before they kicked him out and he is now back to living at my mum's rent free, doing what he does best aka nothing. He is 22.

Don't be like my mum, parent your child. He is 17 it's not unreasonable for you to change the wifi password if he doesn't want to do anything productive and force him into getting a part-time job and making it clear he will need to pay rent come his 18th birthday.

It doesn't matter that your oldest is at Cambridge, I turn out alright as will probably a few of my other siblings, it says nothing about my mother's parenting and it doesn't change the fact that my mum's lack of parenting is what led to my 22yo having litterally no diplomas (not even the most basic middle school one!) and no job prospects, if she had nipped it in the bud YEARS ago when he was still just a lazy teenager who needed guidance and a bit of a push instead of adopting the philosophy that he was "too old for having his privileges taken away" and stuff he probably would be a much more productive member of society today.

Different kids need different parenting styles. Me and DB2 have very similar personalities in the sense that we are very money-savy, and like to do the right thing. We didn't like school but still went without whining and never minded working on the side or taking extra classes as we knew the value studies and working could bring later on. It's in our personality type and my mum's "laid back" parenting didn't impact that but DB1 on the other end has always had a different personality type. He was always one to believe he was going to be rich just because and that he didn't need to put any work into it. He was and still is one to want an easy life full of luxury but not wanting to put one dime or one drop of sweat into making It happen. It was clear since he was very young that he would need much more guidance and a much stricter type of parenting to avoid him falling through the cracks and my mother was oblivious to it and he thrived from her "kids will be kids" and then "teens will be teens, what can I do?" attitude where school was optional and working wasn't enforced ect...

Your child is being a typical 17yo who
enjoy being lazy and probably doesn't really realise nor care how what he does now might define his future, but you are his mother and it's on you to do what it takes so that his natural laziness doesn't hinder his future. Force him to get a job, definitely make waking him on time be his responsibility and don't put up with his laziness. He will be 18 soon, he needs to grow up and you are the best person to give him the kick up the arse he needs.

ForalltheSaints · 26/04/2019 17:59

YABU to suggest the Navy, but not unreasonable to want him to make an effort and stop being lazy.

justasking111 · 26/04/2019 18:01

My lazy DB joined the army signed up for 7 years saw the world. He came out went to uni. got a degree, masters, phd. He is now a well educated lazy arse who went onto teach in China.

GuineaPiglet345 · 26/04/2019 20:24

I don’t think they’d have him by the sounds of it, it’s a tough job and they only want people who want to do it.

I don’t understand why people think the armed forces should take the dregs of society to ‘sort them out’ that’s not what they’re there for and not what any of us would want.

hettie · 26/04/2019 20:43

But how do you get a reluctant teen to study? Even if you remove privileges you can't chain them to a desk and glue their eyes open? Has anyone got similar kids and used strategies that work?

justasking111 · 26/04/2019 22:03

Hettie when you take the phone and gaming away. You get an egg timer, set it for 60 minutes study when it rings they take a break, repeat a few more times. My DS at the middle of year 12 had predicted results which were not good. He has risen two grades in all three subjects and is on track to go the uni. he wanted.

He was allowed the phone after 9pm, the gaming was returned after a week on the understanding that could not be used until after 9pm. Yes there were moans, a slammed door or two. He refused to revise, we shrugged said ok, but no phone or gaming then.

They have structure at school, give them structure at home.

Aquilla · 26/04/2019 22:10

People suggesting op is a crap parent because her ds is going through a lazy phase Hmm

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 26/04/2019 22:12

It's a serious commitment and not a refuge for the lazy, far from it. My daughter's works very hard and thought long and hard about her choice and is quite concerned her dyslexia will hold her back. It's not a pile of reprobates, thanks much.

Amazonfromkent · 26/04/2019 22:13

At the end of the day, you can't force a human being to do what they don't want to, without resorting to, either radical steps, or endless tolerance. I tried radical steps, and they backfired in my face.

Swipe left for the next trending thread