To make my lazy arsed DS (17) join the Navy?

[QueenOfTheEighthKingdom]

By 'make', I mean give him the option to join up or leave home.

He is like a stoner but without being stoned iukwim. Extremely lazy, disorganised, will spend more time arguing about doing something than actually doing it and is totally wasting his educational options at the moment. Currently failing his first year of A levels completely due to lack of effort (not capability). Argued incessantly he would pull his socks up after his GCSE's and that he wanted to do A levels despite me knowing he wouldn't put the effort in(managed an A in Maths and Sciences despite doing no revision at all but failed the rest). Still needs me get him up in the morning. Overslept this week when he wasn't due at college until 1.30pm! Lies about having had a shower etc.

He needs a massive kick up the arse and quickly. He's only interested in skateboarding, hanging with his mates and listening to head banging music/jackass type videos which I'm sure has addled his brain.

He needs a complete change of environment to change his habits. I have no doubt he'll pass the tests and probably love it when he's into it, although is not on board now.

AIBU?

She's got an equally driven boyfriend. Yes, they are both from working poor households and both have known major loss in their young lives, but are determined to get careers and in her case, she believes she can attain her goals should she pass into the Navy.

You know, the world needs people who are laid-back, imaginative, unconventional. Probably even more, now, than it needs obedient conformists. 'Hard work' in terms of doing boring, repetitive tasks that wear you out is slowly being automated out of existence.
Give this kid a chance to find out what he wants to do with his life rather than bullying him to be 'normal'.

I agree it does, SGB, but I think it's very wrong to label those who do choose this route of their own volition as mere 'obedient conformists' and dismiss what they do as aggrandising 'hard work' or being akin to robots, very wrong and quite insulting, tbh.

If it's not for him, fair enough, it's definitely not for my son. But my daughter is not a robot or a person incapable of humour, imagination or independent thought.

Are you prepared to see him on the streets if he says no?

For some branches in the Royal Navy (I presume you mean RN not merchant Navy) you don’t need any qualifications.

www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers/roles-and-specialisations/services/surface-fleet/catering

Many of the rating roles do not need any GCSEs.

Officers need at least A-Levels, most have degrees and it’s very competitive. Many branches are degree only.

Polar, fair enough, but a person should not feel bullied or pressurised into joining and I think they will be able to deduce that. It should be a free decision one makes. What's wrong is seeing a decision to try to join as one made under duress by the parents, NOT young people making that decision for themselves!

First of all, I for one definitely would not want the responsibility for defending the country being handed to a lazy unmotivated teenager on his mummy’s say so.

Second of all it is absolutely not for you to decide that he has to make that kind commitment. People in the armed services die you know.

I always get flashbacks to him at age 7/8 and having to peel him off the floor that he'd be sprawled on watching TV or reading to force him out of the house

Why? What is some parents obsession with the idea that their kids should be “out of the house” all about? I was a proper bookworm as kid, my mum forcing me out when I wasn’t the kind of kid who enjoyed tearing around would have been bloody awful.

Linnen and ReanimatedSGB wrote such good posts, kind of two sides of the same coin. And I am thinking of my own DS with what I write below, and it seems to be becoming a more common issue ....

I don't think you can force him to join the Navy, but there's nothing wrong in suggesting it I suppose.

The main thing that strikes me in all these kinds of things is balance. I think structure and form are needed for adolescent (and child) development. They need to be able to learn how to do things, have certain responsibilites - even if its fairly basic things like just getting to work/school/college. I agree with Linnen that some teens need more support to do this than others, either just by temperament or because they have psychological issues.

However, adolescence can be quite a dreamy floaty sort of time for some, in a good way I think. A time of a new and sometimes exciting, freedom, with a bit of support hopefully (which of course not all young people get).

I think its about finding the balance between this tension. I am of the belief that if your DS is not studying, thats because he doesn't want to, or at least for now. Give him the freedom to find something else to do, but tell him he needs to do something. This may get him away from the skatepark all the time, and mature a bit, at the same time.

I assume you have had a chat with him about what he wants to do (at least for now - teenagers can be changeable)? I think arguments in this situation aren't usually helpful. Its more - what would he like to do? He may be unhappy at school but is too lacking in confidence - or too comfortable at home! - to decide to leave. I'm sure he'd be open to a gentle chat - maybe spread over a few weeks (his brain might mull over options over time).

P.S. Don't enable him - getting him up in the morning - let him take the consequences of being late!

Of the two all you can do is kick him out.

The forces will only take him if he wants to go, but I'm sure that you know that.