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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was BU - me or him?

124 replies

Mississippilessly · 12/04/2019 12:46

I've posted before about my very difficult 7 month old. He wont settle for DH so I do all the night wakings. At the moment this ie about every 2 hours.

We go on holiday on Sunday. DH took today off as well. My parents are coming round to take the cat. They said around lunchtime.
We have some friends locally. The men unvied my DH out for lunch. He asked me if he could go. I said yes but it would be when DS (and hopefully i) had a nap and my parents were due. I suggested leaving a key under the door.

DS woke very quickly from his nap. As I was getting out of bed to try and rock him back to sleep I tripped and whacked my knee and elbow in a trunk. Obviously DS is now wide awake. I phoned DH and was angry. While clearly this was an accident I'm upset he went for the lunch in the first place. He offered to come back but I told him to stay there.
We had an argument but he didn't get up from the table. Sp this was done inf front of people who are husbands of my friends.
I already feel embarrassed because I'm struggling with lack if sleep I csnt believe he would play this out so publicly. So AIBU to be upset that I have to parent him by making decisions and by being upset that an argument was played out in front of other people?

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 12/04/2019 12:47

Wait, he asked if he could go and you said yes if a key was left for your parents?

Bluntness100 · 12/04/2019 12:48

I don't really understand, you agreed for him to go, why the phone him when he's having lunch with his friends to shout at him because you tripped?

user1473878824 · 12/04/2019 12:48

You’re knackered and I imagine on a bit of a short fuse. I think you’re being a little bit unreasonable.

Sunshineandshowers81 · 12/04/2019 12:49

You were completely unreasonable..he asked if it was ok to go to lunch and offered to come back. What more could he have done

Musti · 12/04/2019 12:49

Ypure upset he went for lunch when you were both having a nap? And what has you tripping git to do with it. Yabu

GPatz · 12/04/2019 12:49

If you didn't want him to go, you should have said. You can't always expect people to double guess your meaning. It's a lesson I learnt.

MrsGarethSouthgate · 12/04/2019 12:50

I'm afraid I think it's you. He asked (presumably to check if you minded/needed him for something rather than for permission?), you said yes. You can't then be mad at him for going because you tripped over.

Go back to sleep if you can. Hopefully you will feel better later, sleep deprivation is hard Flowers

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 12/04/2019 12:51

I understand your reaction because you're exhausted (I'm in the same boat so can sympathise) but you really are BU and need to apologise to your DH. You agreed he should go for lunch and you hurting yourself wasn't his fault.

Strugglingtodomybest · 12/04/2019 12:51

I phoned DH and was angry.

What I'm reading is that you hurt yourself and then took it out on your DH. Is that right or were you angry about something else?

Drum2018 · 12/04/2019 12:51

Why did you call him at all? Why were you angry? I'm sure he's exasperated with you if you ring him during lunch because you banged your knee and elbow, and then say no to him coming home. How the hell is he supposed to know what you want?

Jupiters · 12/04/2019 12:52

You said he could go, you tripped over so you phoned him and shouted at him? This does all sounds like you are behind a bit unreasonable...

bagpiss · 12/04/2019 12:52

He asked to go out, you said yes, you hurt yourself whilst he was out so you rang him to have a go because you tripped and hurt yourself and are also annoyed with him that he didn't jump up so you could rant and moan at him more privately over something that had nothing to do with him in the first place?
Is that correct?

Amongstthetallgrass · 12/04/2019 12:53
Grin
bagpiss · 12/04/2019 12:53

Oh i forgot...
YES YABU!

Original poster
Mississippilessly · 12/04/2019 12:53

Ok thanks everyone.
I guess in just tired of having to say 'yes u can do stuff'
But I'm clearly out of order

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 12/04/2019 12:54
Confused
Amongstthetallgrass · 12/04/2019 12:54

Go to bed.
Baby wakes up after zero seconds
Fall over and bang knee and elbow
Attack DH

Jellyfloodagain · 12/04/2019 12:55

I think you're being unreasonable, you said he could go out and then rang him to have a go at him while he was out with his friends and then are annoyed with him for them hearing you. He offered to come home but you said no. If you didn't want him to go out you should have said in the first place.

Funnyface1 · 12/04/2019 12:55

I'm confused. He asked if he could go to lunch. You said yes. He went to lunch. You fell and are angry that he went to lunch? That's how I read it.

churchthecat · 12/04/2019 12:56

I don't understand. Why are you cross with him?

BigDamnHero · 12/04/2019 12:56

Perhaps I'm missing something because there was a lot of detail in the OP that didn't seem relevant but it sounds like:

He checked it was okay to go out for lunch and you said yes.
When you phoned him he offered to come home and you said no.

I don't understand what he's done wrong? And I don't understand how you hurting yourself and the stuff about your cat and parents etc. come into it?

BigDamnHero · 12/04/2019 12:57

I guess in just tired of having to say 'yes u can do stuff'

Why do you 'have' to say that??

If you need help and don't want him to go then bloody well say so or how's he supposed to know??

Bluntness100 · 12/04/2019 12:57

Op, I think you're just over tired and your reactions, to him and on here are off because of it.

You were fine with him going out to lunch, you and thr baby would be napping and thr baby doesn't go down for him anyway, phoning him up to shout at him because you tripped then getting even angrier because he didn't move away so you could shout at him in private isn't really on.

TheRumor · 12/04/2019 12:58

If you weren't happy with him going, you should have said.

He isn't a mind reader and you can't punish him for going out when he asked you if it was okay and you said yes.

needanappp · 12/04/2019 12:59

If you'd have preferred him not to go, you should have said: "Actually, I'm knackered and could do with you being her for DS so I can get a bit of sleep". If he then still went out he would be unreasonable.

He asked if you were okay with him going and you said you were. He really hasn't done anything wrong. I know it's frustrating when you finally get them to sleep and they wake up in no time but I think you're just looking for someone to aim your frustrations at.