Who was BU - me or him?

[Mississippilessly]

I've posted before about my very difficult 7 month old. He wont settle for DH so I do all the night wakings. At the moment this ie about every 2 hours.

We go on holiday on Sunday. DH took today off as well. My parents are coming round to take the cat. They said around lunchtime.
We have some friends locally. The men unvied my DH out for lunch. He asked me if he could go. I said yes but it would be when DS (and hopefully i) had a nap and my parents were due. I suggested leaving a key under the door.

DS woke very quickly from his nap. As I was getting out of bed to try and rock him back to sleep I tripped and whacked my knee and elbow in a trunk. Obviously DS is now wide awake. I phoned DH and was angry. While clearly this was an accident I'm upset he went for the lunch in the first place. He offered to come back but I told him to stay there.
We had an argument but he didn't get up from the table. Sp this was done inf front of people who are husbands of my friends.
I already feel embarrassed because I'm struggling with lack if sleep I csnt believe he would play this out so publicly. So AIBU to be upset that I have to parent him by making decisions and by being upset that an argument was played out in front of other people?

You need to let dh settle him no matter how long it takes. Put some ear plugs or headphones on and sleep. DH is capable of looking after baby. Stop maryting yourself.

The PP who posted about the doctor saying "no baby ever died from crying" is right.

Your baby is being soothed and comforted by a loving adult. He is not crying in pain. He's crying for mummy because he has become used to mummy.

I'm really not trying to martyr myself. I think I'm beating myself up enough so if you could just lay off a bit I'd really appreciate it.

I was trying to be supportive!

While it probably doesn't help at this stage, I found once they hit around 2 they just seemed to sleep better. Your mileage may vary, but its lovely doing bedtime and realising there is every possibility they'll stay asleep till 6-7am.

@Ivanapee that wasnt to you! I was v grateful - your doctor sounds very sensible.

Oh phew! No worries, OP. He is really sensible. Not afraid to tell me to cop on which I think I needed a bit!

Your angry with your DH because you said he could go to lunch, you banged yourself and rang him, and your angry because he answered the hone in front of his friends?

AvengersAssemble I've already said IWBU. I've also explained I'm under a lot of stress. There really is no need to pile on.

Ugh ignore that ^

We’ve reached the portion of the thread where people will barrel in without reading because their opinions are SO unique and SO important we MUST hear them!

No we've reached the point in the thread where OP has made it clear she's only interested if you pat her on the back, say there there and assume everything is going to be fine.

OP if you want things to change, you have to let them.

No one is piling on. All I can see is people trying to give you advice.

You're under a lot of stress because you are sleep deprived. Make steps to change that and soon the extra pressures won't feel so bad. Trust me, I have been there.

Ffs.
I'm saying I'm trying to change things
I've been trying to change things for a while but with little success.
I'm not asking you to pat me on the back.i dont assume everything will be fine. Right now I cant see how it will ever get better because despite me trying so hard nothing is working.
Did that post make you feel good?

What have you tried?

Your posts mostly explain how annoyed you are at your dp or other posters.

Why would positing make me feel good or bad? It was intended to be firm yet kind.

Oh I’ve done stupid stuff when sleep deprived, totally irrational diva behaviour, not being able to make a decision and making DH feel shit so that he doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going.

However you need to let your DH have the baby, he will settle him eventually and if he is willing to work through the screaming baby then you need to trust him and leave him to it. Yes it will be hard but so will the sleep training so you are going to have to dig deep anyway.

You don’t have to say yes all the time, tell him to make his own decisions, but TBF if he had said I am not going out, you are going to bed, I’m dealing with baby you would have said no. So he can’t win.

You need sleep, your DH wants to support you, so allow him to do this, wear earplugs, go out, the baby needs to get used to his daddy settling him for all your sakes.

It seems that the only thing you have to try hard with is baby sleeping and learning to self soothe. Once you’ve mastered that. Everything else will fall into place.

Dermymc that just isnt true. I've thanked people for their comments. I challenged our accusation of me being a martyr. Your description isnt accurate.

Op, I mean this gently, but what have you tried hard? Right now you're doing it all yourself, you're exhausted, and many of us recognise your reactions as that of one who is sleep deprived and desperately irrational because of it.

Something has to give, because you're not enjoying motherhood, you're suffering, your husband likely feels left out and penalised, like he can do no right, what's going on here can cause nothing but damage to all of you.

So take a deep breath, don't answer now, but have you really tried hard to solve this, or have you simply tried hard to do it all yourself?

Your child has two parents. Both of whom are equally responsible. Both of whom are capable. What you're all going through now is fixable. But you will need to do more than hire a sleep consultant to fix it.

You sound absolutely shattered any chance your dh can take baby out for a walk in the buggy and give you a rest so you can have a sleep? Hope you have a good holiday x

Bluntness100 we have tried lots of different things- and thats the problem I think, weve tried too many and changed tack too quickly.
If a consultant tells me to just send in DH everytime he wakes then I'll do it. That's fine. When we have tried to give him formula I have left while he screams.
y we have gone for a consultant because I think it will be easier for me to have someone to tell us what to do rather than 3 million things on the internet. I dont disagree with anything you have said.

Your actions today were those of a martyr. You said to dp not to come home, and then got mad when he didn't.

The consultant will tell you to send dp in relentlessly. Save yourself the ££ and do it yourself.

Definitely agree with posters saying you need to sleep in the day and get dh to take him in the morning so you sleep then.

I get you about the sleep consultant Mississippilessly. We tried to do sending DH, no cry methods etc by following the internet but we just couldn't seem to do it right. We paid for a consultant and it was great to talk to someone about OUR baby and their sleep and OUR family constraints and needs and work out what would work for us rather than try to apply general internet advice to our specific baby. The transformation was incredible, by the end of 4 days I was actually able to get 6 hours sleep in a row (and it has increased since then) which was incredible after being woken every couple of hours.

I really hope your consultant works for you, sleep deprivation is horrible.

Thanks JasperRising. He co slept with DH last night after 2 hrs of crying. I fed him at 4.30 - didnt know whether I should but he hadn't fed since 6.30 and I thought my boob was going to explode! But then I left and he went back to sleep.
Going to do the same tonight. But yes we are the same as you, we would like some advice for our circumstances.
On the plus side I got 7 hrs straight sleep. So even if nothing is fixed I feel much happier this morning. So glad to hear your situation has improved

Good news about the sleep! Personally, at his age I wouldn't worry about an overnight feed if you are managing to get a decent amount of sleep around it and aren't feeling that only you can do the settling.

Just one nights sleep can make all the difference 😀