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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mega pissed of by this request

114 replies

bagpuss90 · 03/04/2019 09:46

I have invited my DP female relatives over for a girlie nite at mine next week - just a buffet and drinks. I've asked them to arrive at mine at around 7 pm - which I think is reasonable for a week day nite. I get home from work at 5. So that give me two hours to walk the dogs, prepare the food ( I will be doing some of it in advance) get showered and changed.
Anyway DP,s sister has texted me to ask if I can bring it forward to 6 pm as she likes to go to bed early.
AIBU to think you don't get an invitation to someones house and call the bloody shots?

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 03/04/2019 09:49

Hardly calling the shots though is it? She just asked if you can bring it forward an hour. If you can't just say no, if she can't come at 7pm she will decline the invitation. And unclench.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 03/04/2019 09:49

You're right, you don't.

So just tell her you can't be ready by 6pm and stick to 7pm. If she leaves early, so be it.

DoneLikeAKipper · 03/04/2019 09:49

She only asked if it could be an hour earlier, you can always say no if it doesn’t work for you. Not like she asked for you to leave work at lunchtime so you could drink all afternoon and be in bed before Corrie starts Confused.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/04/2019 09:50

YANBU. Surely a later night won't hurt for once.
Shes not going to turn into a Pumpkin if she doesn't go to bed before midnight, is she.

Jozen · 03/04/2019 09:54

Just say 6pm isn't convenient for you and keep it at 7pm. She can decline the invite or attend and leave early.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 03/04/2019 09:59

It doesn't help that she has pissed me off before.I just find her slightly arrogant. Last year she asked me if she could borrow my camping gear- no problem. I said I'd sort it out at the weekend as I was busy- she didn't need it for another week. Half hour later she's knocking on my door ( I was going out) saying she thought I'd forget - so could I sort it now

OP posts:
Provincialbelle · 03/04/2019 10:02

Your second eg is much worse. If she’d banged on my door unannounced I’d have sent her on her way - but then I’d never have the cheek to ask to borrow someone’s gear anyway

ScatteredMama82 · 03/04/2019 10:03

I'd just say no, 6pm doesn't work as you can't be ready by then. Like others said, there's no reason she can't just leave a bit earlier than everyone else.

I think it's a bit cheeky of her to ask really. I wouldn't do that.

AverageMan · 03/04/2019 10:04

Why not just compromise for 6.30?

MsSquiz · 03/04/2019 10:04

All you have to do is say "no, sorry. But it's fine for you to leave whenever you want"

I don't see the problem really

GreatDuckCookery · 03/04/2019 10:05

It’s a bit cheeky to ask to come at 6 I guess. Just tell her it’s 7 and carry on as normal.
She doesn’t have to come if it’s too late.

Bluntness100 · 03/04/2019 10:06

Are you normally very highly strung?

Either say, yes that's fine, or no, it won't work for me, due to work, or can we make it six thirty due to my work and you can leave as you please.

It's really not a big deal. Calm down.

TheMaddHugger · 03/04/2019 10:07

To be mega pissed of by this request
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 03/04/2019 10:09

Nope.
She can come at 7pm and leave an hour earlier than everyone else

DoneLikeAKipper · 03/04/2019 10:10

@TheMaddHugger, have to agree Madd...

Jupiters · 03/04/2019 10:11

If you can't change the time then don't, she can either come along (and leave early) or decline. But no need to make a big deal about it. If you're only inviting her over out of a sense of duty then no need to invite her again (I'd guessed at sense of duty as you don't seem to like her much).

But the camping gear example is rude.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 03/04/2019 10:11

Eh I'm pretty laid back actually. As I say she has form for arrogance- lots of occasions. I guess its the last straw scenario.

OP posts:
ThePants999 · 03/04/2019 10:12

You should never be annoyed by anyone ASKING something. You can always say no. (If they don't take no for an answer, THEN you can get annoyed.)

MyKingdomForBrie · 03/04/2019 10:12

Not sure why you're inviting her to be honest if she's rude and you don't get on! I hope you turned her away when she turned up on your doorstep for the camping stuff?

Perfectly reasonable to text back and say 7 doesn't work for you as you won't have time to get sorted after work (or even just 'that doesn't work for me' if you want to be a bit aggy!)

InsertFunnyUsername · 03/04/2019 10:14

If you can't change the time, then just say that. I wouldn't ask to change times because i liked an early night, i would either just leave early or decline the invite.

But, it wouldn't be something that pissed me off, im guessing you two don't have the best of relationships?

OKBobble · 03/04/2019 10:15

Compromise at 6.30 Hmm why would OP even do that?

As someone else said - sorry can't start till 7 bit feel free to leave whenever you need to -or not come at all-

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 03/04/2019 10:15

I can't leave her out

OP posts:
LemonTT · 03/04/2019 10:15

Really this is not a last straw issue. It’s just a question to which you can answer no.

Honestly, if you are getting agitated by this don’t host people you don’t really like during the week when it’s not convenient. Go out for a few drinks or a meal or not at all.

GreatDuckCookery · 03/04/2019 10:17

Sounds like there’s a lot about her that annoys you? Don’t let it fester, just say it’s 7pm and be done with it. She’ll either come at that time or not at all.

FriarTuck · 03/04/2019 10:18

It's one of those things that wouldn't bother you normally but which immediately gets you inwardly ranting if that person has wound you up in other ways too (often equally small) - it's like all the little things keep stacking up and then one thing just pushes it over the edge.
So YABU generally but YANBU because it's her. Just say no. (And then rant wholeheartedly when she makes a fuss)