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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be mega pissed of by this request

114 replies

bagpuss90 · 03/04/2019 09:46

I have invited my DP female relatives over for a girlie nite at mine next week - just a buffet and drinks. I've asked them to arrive at mine at around 7 pm - which I think is reasonable for a week day nite. I get home from work at 5. So that give me two hours to walk the dogs, prepare the food ( I will be doing some of it in advance) get showered and changed.
Anyway DP,s sister has texted me to ask if I can bring it forward to 6 pm as she likes to go to bed early.
AIBU to think you don't get an invitation to someones house and call the bloody shots?

OP posts:

M4J4 · 03/04/2019 10:18

Tell her no. She does sound annoying. Is she otherwise nice?

Does she still see her DB as her family's property? That seems to be quite common on MN.

Brienneoftarthiloveyou · 03/04/2019 10:20

Agree with the others, no harm in her asking but simply reply politely saying 'no, sorry, that time doesn't work for me but totally understand if you need to leave early. Look forward to seeing you next week.'

Don't let her wind you up this much - just continue to stand your ground and say no if / when things don't suit you (& I hope you sent her on her way when she turned up for the camping gear).

ILiveInSalemsLot · 03/04/2019 10:20

Just tell her that you’ll need to walk the dogs and sort some stuff out so It’ll be difficult.
Maybe she can come 20 mins earlier and help you out?
I know you don’t owe her an explanation but it’s just easy to get arsey when you read a ‘tone’ into a text message.

werideatdawn · 03/04/2019 10:21

Ffs just say "6pm not doable, sorry" and let her decide whether to come or not. It doesn't need to be a thing at all.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 03/04/2019 10:22

Agree politely tell her no. Then look suitably faux disappointed when she had to leave early for bed!

And focus on having a nice time with all your other guests

Magenta82 · 03/04/2019 10:23

Years ago there was a friend of a friend that used to come to a lot of joint things. I asked her to come to a meal I was organising for my birthday and offered to pay as I knew she had turned down things in the past due to a lack of funds, because she wasn't able to work.

She then asked me to move it forward an hour so she could be home in time to watch the Vampire Diaries on TV (she was in her 30s)

PrincessScarlett · 03/04/2019 10:24

Why are you mega pissed off at her request? Surely you just tell her you can't do any earlier as you've got things to do. She's only asking, you don't have to say yes.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 03/04/2019 10:25

YABU for 'girlie nite'

TwitterQueen1 · 03/04/2019 10:28

I'd be annoyed at the request, regardless of whether anything has gone on before. You invite people to your house for a social evening of drinks and food; plan, buy, prep, clean etc etc, and then get told it's not a convenient time!

She's a CF. And I vote NO.

JocelynBell1 · 03/04/2019 10:29

Mega pissed-off?

What an overreaction. It warrants mild annoyance at most.

Science9 · 03/04/2019 10:30

I know where you are coming from as I have been in a similar situation. We had invited DH's sister for dinner at 6pm but she told DH that 7pm worked better for her. I was heavily pregnant and I was so exhausted in the evenings so I was not willing to budge on it. She has also pissed me off in the past with the way she speaks to DH at times so I think this request annoyed me more because it was her and probably wouldn't have made me so annoyed if it had been a good friend of mine. Anyway I just text her and told her that we could only do 6pm but if she can't make it for that time then we could reschedule for another day

Chocolateisfab · 03/04/2019 10:30

Suggests if she gets there for 6 she can walk the ddogs while you get sorted!!

ApolloandDaphne · 03/04/2019 10:32

You just need to message back and say that you can't be ready for 6. The time will remain at 7 and if she wishes to leave early you will understand.

RSAcre · 03/04/2019 10:35

"Half hour later she's knocking on my door ( I was going out) saying she thought I'd forget - so could I sort it now"

Unless you have form for forgetting things this is amazingly arrogant, patronising & ... dare I say, controlling?
She sounds like the sort who rides rough-shod over others.

Tell the silly bitch the logistics are impossible for you to offer a 6pm start, but she is welcome to arrive at 7pm like everyone else & leave as early as she likes.

Springwalk · 03/04/2019 10:36

Just say no, you need time to get back from work and get things ready.

You are very relaxed about her leaving early if that is her preference. She can always decline, and quite frankly one would hope she will do precisely that.

Enjoy your girlie night. I think you were kind to invite her, I am not sure I would have bothered.

Reastie · 03/04/2019 10:36

I’m an early to bed type of person. I can’t cope with late nights on a school day (late for me is early by other people’s opinion). I would just warn the host I might need to leave early and hope they understood. I wouldn’t expect everyone’s plans to be dictated by me needing to go to bed early but I would hope they would understand I wouldn’t be staying until late.

rosinavera · 03/04/2019 10:43

Just explain it isn't possible earlier as you need to walk the dogs, prepare the food and change - I would have though this would have been obvious to her! If she can't make it then that's up to her - rather cheeky for her to ask you to bring it forward! Enjoy your evening :-)

TheSandgroper · 03/04/2019 10:47

I’m another one who just might say “6 pm sounds great. I’ll put you down for dog walking “ but I can be a bit bolshie sometimes.

PositiveVibez · 03/04/2019 10:48

Mountain. Molehill.

Just message back 'sorry, I don't get home until 5, so couldn't be ready for 6. Feel free to leave when you want to go home though x x'

Job done.

zoellafortitude · 03/04/2019 10:49

I said I'd sort it out at the weekend as I was busy- she didn't need it for another week. Half hour later she's knocking on my door ( I was going out) saying she thought I'd forget - so could I sort it now

Anyway DP,s sister has texted me to ask if I can bring it forward to 6 pm as she likes to go to bed early

It sounds like she doesn't respect your time.

Scenario 1 - you told her you were busy. She steamrollered over that and came banging at your door, so that you would acquiesce to her needs.

Scenario 2 - if she needs to go to bed early, she can leave when it suits her to. Why on earth should she expect you to re-arrange several peoples' evening around her personal bedtime?

Learn about assertiveness and boundary-setting, OP.

Shoxfordian · 03/04/2019 10:50

Let her come early and help you get everything ready or send a message along the lines of positivevibes reply

AngeloMysterioso · 03/04/2019 10:50

Night

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 03/04/2019 10:53

That’s a good idea (if you can bear with her and she really pulls her weight)

Tell her to come at 6 to help you out to prepare for the others arriving at 7.

If she refuses... off she goes.

outpinked · 03/04/2019 10:54

The request isn’t annoying, if it’s a weekday night then some people have to be up early the next day for work/school run and don’t want to be up late- fair enough. You just need to explain the things you need to do and that you can’t fit it all in before 7pm.

Singlenotsingle · 03/04/2019 10:54

Tell her she's welcome to come early and she can help with the food prep

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