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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be mega pissed of by this request

114 replies

bagpuss90 · 03/04/2019 09:46

I have invited my DP female relatives over for a girlie nite at mine next week - just a buffet and drinks. I've asked them to arrive at mine at around 7 pm - which I think is reasonable for a week day nite. I get home from work at 5. So that give me two hours to walk the dogs, prepare the food ( I will be doing some of it in advance) get showered and changed.
Anyway DP,s sister has texted me to ask if I can bring it forward to 6 pm as she likes to go to bed early.
AIBU to think you don't get an invitation to someones house and call the bloody shots?

OP posts:

Newyearnewme2019 · 03/04/2019 12:42

Quick update- I told her I could do 6 if she could help me. But she said shes too busy

How can she be too busy if she's at your house by 6? Carry on working towards 7pm and just let her come to you at 6 and either rope her in to doing stuff (for 7pm) or she can just sit there waiting

SchadenfreudePersonified · 03/04/2019 12:43

I told her I could do 6 if she could help me. But she said shes too busy

Too busy to help at 6.00, but not to busy to party at 6.00.

Well, well, well . . .

DarlingNikita · 03/04/2019 12:43

YANBU. I wouldn't dream of asking someone to change the time of an invitation.

I don't know why people are being so snippy about it on here either. And I don't know why anyone would think you should compromise or explain why you've set it for that time.

gamerchick · 03/04/2019 12:46

Well there you go OP, tell her if she comes at 6 then she's helping set up. Or she can come at 7 as planned.

Not sure how she's too busy if she's going to be there at 6 anyway

FizzyGreenWater · 03/04/2019 12:48

'Then 7 it is! Don't worry if you need to leave early, that's fine :)'

You should NOT have offered. I suggest that the next time she's cheeky twatting, shut her down with a 'Oh no I'm sorry that won't be possible. Is everything ok? It's not like you to be so pushy'

Mitzimaybe · 03/04/2019 12:51

OP gets home at 5 so I assume she said if the CF helps from 5 to 6 then it can start at 6. One person spending two hours on the prep versus two people each spending one hour, "you run round with the vac while I chop the veg" that kind of thing. But she's too busy. Well played, OP.

Seaweed42 · 03/04/2019 12:52

Good return text, asking for her input to make the earlier time.
Then say, sorry it has to stay at 7pm because you made it that time for a reason, and those reasons are still there.

FizzyGreenWater · 03/04/2019 12:55

Too busy to help at 6.00, but not to busy to party at 6.00.

Um yes exactly!!!!!

Ok THIS is your reply:

'So let's get this right, you want to be home early so you'd prefer to come for 6, BUT you're 'too busy' to come for 6 if it's to help me set up so we can start earlier? LOL. As DP says, it's a good thing I'm easy going . I'm sticking at 7, but if you want to leave early that's cool. See you at 7.'

She won't be able to say a thing a. because you will have spelled out exactly how cheeky she's being but done it in a jokey way so if she gets a cob on you can be all wide-eyed oohhhh sorry if all this has upset you, you delicate thing. and b. she will be a bit uneasy that it sounds as if both you and her brother think she's hard work BUT she won't want to ask you that.

Keep your distance - this kind of person can cause real upset in a family.

AlexaAmbidextra · 03/04/2019 13:17

You just need to explain the things you need to do and that you can’t fit it all in before 7pm.

No you really don’t. You don’t need to give her any explanation whatsoever.

JessieMcJessie · 03/04/2019 13:34

What about all the others? What if they can’t make it till 7pm anyway? It’s not just you and her who would have to change plans.

I presume you asked her to come at 5 to help get ready for 6?

Acis · 03/04/2019 13:35

but then I’d never have the cheek to ask to borrow someone’s gear anyway

Off the point, but why on earth is asking to borrow camping gear cheeky?

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 03/04/2019 13:40

She sounds like a barrel of laughs...not. Ha, ha, that was the perfect response requesting her help.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 03/04/2019 13:44

Oh that is hilarious well done op! I may borrow that approach from you...

tympanic · 03/04/2019 13:45

Do you reckon she really does go to bed early, OP, and she’s just being selfish? Or do you think she’s trying to see how far she can push you? To assert her dominance?

chocatoo · 03/04/2019 13:46

Just say no sorry, I won't be at home until 7

Skrowten · 03/04/2019 13:48

I think she is being v cheeky. I would just say you need more time to get organised so will have to stick to a 7pm start time. You've hardly asked them all to come for 10pm. 7pm is plenty early enough when you have been in work all day,

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 03/04/2019 13:58

How many other people are coming?
How late do you think it will run?

Drum2018 · 03/04/2019 14:00

So she can come at 6 to sit back and enjoy the evening but can't come at 6 to give a hand. Seems she's too busy because she just didn't get her way. Enjoy the evening without her.

HarrySnotter · 03/04/2019 14:13

I wouldn't dream of asking someone to change the time of their invitation. It's very rude. If I receive an invitation I either accept or decline depending if it suits me.

golddustwomen · 03/04/2019 14:14

I also wouldn't dream of asking someone to change the time on an invitation. I do have a friend like this though and it's bloody annoying!!

TeddTess · 03/04/2019 14:23

seriously who invites a load of ILs over on a weeknight when you're working and clearly quite busy, for a "girlie nite" ?

IvanaPee · 03/04/2019 14:29

Is OP gone??

Pungifries · 03/04/2019 14:46

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for her to ask but neither is it unreasonable for you to say no.

notacooldad · 03/04/2019 14:47

I also wouldn't dream of asking someone to change the time on an invitation. I do have a friend like this though and it's bloody annoying!!
My crowd do this all the time on informal evevenigs like the Ops.
It's not a problem to shift things around a little if it helps. If it cant be done then fair enough but if it can, why not?

BossAssBitch · 03/04/2019 14:49

bagpuss90
Eh I'm pretty laid back actually

sure

You clearly cannot stand this woman so why invite her, it's rather duplicitous of you to slate her on MN but invite her to your 'gathering'.

I have to get up at 5am every day and have a stressful job where I have to be on my toes at all times. I always leave social week night stuff early, so I understand her wanting to get to bed early.

Personally, I wouldn't have asked, I would just bugger off early, but by the sounds of you, that would probably 'mega piss' you off too

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