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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Or should I just suck it up?

110 replies

Ilovemuesli · 21/03/2019 09:47

Background:
My partner has 3 kids with his ex-wife (1 biologically his - DSD, 2 step-children), we have 1 child together.

DSD is sick at the moment, so is at our house for the day, as my partner is a stay at home dad & I go to work full time. Her mum is at work

My partner normally does 50/50 with regards to school runs for all the children but today he is not wanting to venture out to pick his stepkids up from school as DSD is really not well. Instead he has asked me to come out of work to collect the stepkids from school, drop them off at our house and then go back to work

I have a really busy afternoon at work, packed with meetings and project work I really need to get finished (off topic.. but it's Brexit related... eerrrggghhhh!) It would mean me leaving work at about 2:30, driving to school and home, then driving back to work to get there at about 4pm

I have asked if his ex could come out of work and pick them up from school, then I will pick them up on my way home at 6 and bring them to our house (they are due to stay tonight) but apparently she has taken too much time out of work this week with her kids being ill.

AIBU in thinking this is not my responsibility? Obviously I don't want the DSD getting even more poorly, but at the same time I don't want to set a precedent of leaving work at the drop of a hat e.t.c

Or should I just suck it up and go and pick them up? Am I being precious?

OP posts:
GlossyTaco · 21/03/2019 09:49

I'd do it on this occasion , it looks like you're all up against it and trying your best.

Sausagerollers · 21/03/2019 09:49

Why can't the DF of the step-children pick his kids up from school?

namechange1796 · 21/03/2019 09:49

Is their a friend with kids at the school that could drop them home? Or a neighbour that could sit with DSD whilst DH does the school run?

blackteasplease · 21/03/2019 09:50

It does sound like you are just too busy at work. How old.are his step kids? Does your partner have any friends who could help him out?

Queenofthestress · 21/03/2019 09:50

As a one off, suck it up and do it, as long as its not every time it will be fine. If you're in for the long haul there's going to be times that you're going to have to do this anyway

Ottessa · 21/03/2019 09:51

How old is the sick child, and what is the nature of her illness? Can she really not stay alone for half an hour, or however long it would take to pick up the others?

namechange1796 · 21/03/2019 09:51

Could you work from home for the time after school run? My dh has done this (he does wfh 1day a week anyway) when I’ve had children too ill to take out of the house but have needed to collect/drop off at school.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 21/03/2019 09:51

Does he often expect you to run around after his relatives /non relatives??

brizzlemint · 21/03/2019 09:52

I think that their father should do it unless there is an extremely good reason why not. Your job is just as important as his and he's their parent.

7yo7yo · 21/03/2019 09:53

I wouldn’t.
They are the parents and if they were together one of them would have to do it.
And
How old is DSD and what is wrong with her?

Original poster
Ilovemuesli · 21/03/2019 09:54

@Glossy, yeah I'm already thinking that I'll just have to take a late lunch and come out on my break to pick them up. Just don't want the ex-wife assuming that if situations like this happen again, that I am always able to drop everything to help out.... I'm going to have to work late tonight as it is to catch up

@Sausage, both boys have different dads, neither of them is in touch with their kids, my partner is the closest thing to a dad they have had in their whole lives

@namechange, sadly not!

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 21/03/2019 09:57

If the child is at home unwell I think popping them in the car for a quick school run isn't going to do much harm. How does he think lone parents cope? Drama over nothing.

Littleduckeggblue · 21/03/2019 09:59

No, stay at work. It’s the Mother and Fatgers responsibility. Do they not have Grandparents or Motgers friends thatcoikd collect them? If you do it once, you’ll be expected to do it again

Original poster
Ilovemuesli · 21/03/2019 09:59

DSD is 7 years old and has a nasty tummy bug :( So I can understand him not wanting to bring her out today.

@Easterbunny, I do weekend pick up and drop offs as my partner doesn't drive, but he is currently learning :) Most of the other times I am working, when I am at home it's a case of 10 minute drive (if I do the ferrying) or a 30 minute bus trip (if he does the transport), so I don't mind helping out when I can

OP posts:
Sweetpea55 · 21/03/2019 10:00

They aren't related to you or him so I I would expect their natural parent to help out. What about their dad!?

Jellyfloodagain · 21/03/2019 10:01

I don't think you should come out of work for this. He needs to just take her with him.

Stawp · 21/03/2019 10:01

I think if you do it once the it sets a precedent for it. They aren't your kids, they need to sort their own children out.

Stawp · 21/03/2019 10:01

*then it

Jellyfloodagain · 21/03/2019 10:02

How does he get to school and how long does it take?

BeanTownNancy · 21/03/2019 10:03

Would it be any quicker or less disruptive for you to go home and watch DSD and send your partner out to get the kids from school? If it's close and you could do some work from home for example?

Tinty · 21/03/2019 10:05

If DSD is 7 presumably they DS's are older.

Is school to far away for them to walk?

Is there anyone else at school who could drop them home?

Get a taxi to bring them home.

These are my three suggestions.

Tinty · 21/03/2019 10:06

the DS's not they!

ILoveMaxiBondi · 21/03/2019 10:10

No he needs to bundle DSD up and take her in the car. He is the SAHP- This is part of the job. I’m a single parent and have had to do this on occasion. Not ideal but that’s parenting. he needs to suck it up. Not you.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 21/03/2019 10:11

Sorry, I see he doesn’t drive. He needs to get a taxi.

CarbsQuestion · 21/03/2019 10:13

Hang on, he wants you to leave work to pick up his step children with another woman, and their mum is working? No way!

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